Aibu to be upset my kid got told they was a waste of space

[Yeetyaga]

Trying to be less identifying as possible but yesterday my child (secondary school) got called a waste of space and oxygen and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. It seems to have possibly had an effect on my kid

So OP- I know you want to focus on the teacher's comments not your child, but the issue is, 95% of mumsnet don't believe the story.

I can not believe the lashing you’re getting on here @Yeetyaga.

Your child’s behaviour isn’t on, for whatever reason they got sent out of class. Deal with it accordingly. You clearly seem to grasp that point anyway!

If you find out it’s true and a teacher said that to him, then do all you can do to teach them a lesson! How dare they tell a child they’re a waste of anything.. it is their job to teach children and be professional. How do you think that teacher would react if they heard a parent say that to their child? (Ummm safeguarding referral!!!).

I would find out the teachers side first, but I certainly would not let that go! I’m furious for your child.

I’ve been teaching for 15 years in a secondary school and I would say in that period (so around 3000 days of teaching) I have probably used that phrase about 5 times.
I agree it’s unprofessional and not ideal but in most cases it would be due to extreme provocation and to a child who is showing no interest in learning whatsoever and merely spending their time disrupting others.
I would also suggest that it was possibly in response to something your child said as they left the room.
It does seem highly unlikely that your child is an innocent who whispered once across the room and was sent out and insulted.

(Ummm safeguarding referral!!!)

That's SO Mumsnet!

The form classes at my daughter's school were named after Saints, one was called de Porres but the teacher always called it the horrors. Ten years ago everyone found it hilarious, but I hear some of the mums are now getting upset that's its still getting called that

*19HostessTrolley

I don’t think there’s any excuse for a teacher to speak to a child that way. The teacher is the adult in the situation, I know teenagers can be frustrating but it’s the job of the teacher to be mature and professional.*

^This

@WorraLiberty yep, I own it! Completely twatty comment, typed.. did not breathe and sent! Instant regret.

In my defence, I’ve had some ridiculous referrals cross my desk. One like that, would not surprise me.

whispering across the classroom

You mean talking in class

FGS OP let me pass you a grip.

All this woe is me about some alleged comment made by a teacher whilst overlooking the shitty behaviour of your child. Ie, "I'm not asking about my son, I just want to know what you think about what the teacher says". The point is your child was rude/disrespectful and disruptive. Why not focus on that?

As for the teacher, no point going over it here. You need to get their version of events. If he said it then yes he needs to be pulled up on it. But at the moment it sounds very much like a convenient plot to detract you from your childs poor behaviour.

"The teacher made me feel bad mummy. I feel like theres no point in going to school now. Ya da ya da. Boo bloody hoo. "

The teacher was unprofessional for sure, but I can just imagine the type of child that would draw that type of comment.

You wouldn't say it to the nice kid who whispered for someone to pass him a pencil would you?

To be blunt, in that lesson at least, he probably was a waste of space.

Has it shocked him to think that people see him like that? Maybe that's a wake up call then.

And to think that, if he doesn't like being seen that way, all he has to do is listen in class and do his work!

And regarding his hurt feelings : don't be fooled. He's said worse to people, and heard worse too. He just likes you focusing on that, and maybe getting the teacher in trouble.

Honestly, the best, most character-building thing you could do is tell him to sort himself out so nobody ever associates that phrase with him again.

Interesting the your child can pay attention to being told he/she is a ‘waste of space/ocygen’ Yet cannot pay attention to anything else the teacher says.

It would NOT be my focus here!

It's a shitty thing to say to a kid, BUT the teacher might have had a reason for it. I mean, some teachers are arseholes but they're also human, and they snap when they're pushed to their limits. The teacher was clearly pissed off.

I can’t believe you are falling for this shit. The old “I got in to trouble but let’s cause a distraction so I don’t catch it at home” routine is as old as the hills
I know this.
You know this.
Every teacher knows this (and can probably recall their own school days).
Every student knows this.
Most parents know this.
In fact, the only parents who don't know this are the ones who seem to have children who end up in trouble for no reason/trivial reasons with teachers.
Coincidence? 🤷

How do you think that teacher would react if they heard a parent say that to their child? (Ummm safeguarding referral!!!).
Much as you make valid points elsewhere, this is hysterical. It absolutely wouldn't be a safeguarding referral.

they were whispering across the classroom

Bullshit. Your kid is playing you like a fiddle.

I would focus on helping my child to learn to behave so that they didn’t get sent out of class again.

If they stop misbehaving and start showing respect for learning and the teachers then teachers won’t say things about them.

Your child is a PITA.
The teacher has had enough. They made a comment.
Your child has now realised they’ve finally really overstepped the mark and are trying to get you to focus on the comment and not their shitty behaviour.
Don’t fall for it.
HTH.

Oh god you’re that parent, the one who cannot possibly bestir themselves to stop their dc being a disruptive attention seeking shitehawk, but who drops everything and steams up to the school full of righteous fury when they come home wahing about what the nasty teacher said

I’m cringing for you

Tell him if he doesn’t want to hear teachers expressing low opinions of him then he needs to behave himself

Op I really can't get my head around this.
Your Dc acts up in class severely enough to be sent out , obviously not a minor or first infraction. Your dc then states that teacher makes disparaging comment which if as reported was unprofessional , but hardly the worst thing that could've been said. Personally, I feel that a pupil disrupting a class is indeed a waste of space. They then employ classic distraction technique with you ie the not worth living type gambit, and you seem to have fallen for it hook line and sinker!! Your dc needs to realise that their their behaviour has consequences, both in direct punishment ( being sent out it the class) and peoples opinion of them . They are 14, not a young child!!!

I'm a teacher and I am really pleased that the majority are telling the OP to focus on their child rather than the parent. I'm 5 years into teaching now and on some occasions I have made the odd comment which someone may find unprofessional such as "you're the rudest child I've ever come across", "you're an attention seeker" (over 14s!) but to be honest I dont care as why should I be spoken to like dirt. 99.9% of the time I teach lovely children who are polite and respectful. Do some get on my nerves .. yes but with a check such as an "excuse me" or speaking in a generally loud stern manner I can instantly silence them. In some cases I get back chat and then very rarely. Maybe 3 times in my teaching career so far I have come across the rudest, disgusting manners - these are the kids who know their parents either 1) dont care what their child gets up to or 2) worships the ground their child walks on and thinks they have done no wrong. These parents are also the first to complain to the school. Your child has done something to cause that reaction. Focus on that rather than making a teachers day harder work than it already is.

I wonder if this is how the conversation went:

Teacher: 'Out, now'
DC: 'Whatever. Your lesson is a waste of time anyway' {grumble, grumble, grumble}
Teacher: 'And you are a waste of space.'

Pretty standard secondary school teacher phrase for the really naughty kids they had to kick out of lessons from what I remember of school.

Sorry OP but thinking about it I think your child is playing you like a fiddle
They know they've done wrong by being sent out of class and they're deflecting by making it about the teacher and you are lapping it up

I have had to apologise for this! I deeply regret it but said pupil was top set (science hence oxygen) and had spent 3 years wasting everyone's time. A simple (simple as in yr 7 v v easy simple) question we had literally just done. About a week before the REAL GCSEs. Said child couldn't answer and shrugged in a couldn't give a shit way.

I responded that they were wasting oxygen.

Mother went mad. Like I said. I regretted and apologised at the time I said it! (I did mean it)!

Anyway. If teacher said it in anger or even frustration. You need to take stock of this. Said child in my situation did v v well out of my intervention and decision (parent complained and threatened all sorts). Got a v high grade in end. I almost wish I'd not bothered tbh! But you see, us shitty unprofessional teachers, we often care too much.

When the lovely child replied after my congratulations that she wasn't going to thank me (100+ hrs of extra intervention over the years) and turned to her mother and laughed. I wish I could tell the wonderful family what I really think.

In 20 yrs only had one of these. Still feels raw tbh. Makes such a difference if parents support and understand.

What can't more parents SEE what their kids are like? I worry that I see the real (my) child too easily. My kid is a pain in the arse who often lies and in extreme circumstances can be aggressive.
I've never heard any of the toss pots she is friends (patents of) with and learns /affirms her behaviour from accept this!

😃😃😃yeah right! I guarantee your kid and their mates are pissing themselves about a)what the teacher said and b) you falling for their I'm sooo hurt and affected act
You are quite naive aren't you
I really don't know how my parents generation survived and didn't crumble into pieces when they had board rubbers thrown at them and called far worse

This won't have been said to a usually polite, well behaved kid after one incident of whispering. It will have been said after continued rudeness and/or disruption that's caused the teacher stress and harmed other dcs' learning