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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset my kid got told they was a waste of space

274 replies

Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 18:59

Trying to be less identifying as possible but yesterday my child (secondary school) got called a waste of space and oxygen and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. It seems to have possibly had an effect on my kid

OP posts:
joystir59 · 27/09/2019 08:26

The teacher's comment made me grin OP. I think it's funny. I can't just imagine what an irritating arse your child was being to elicit this response.

joystir59 · 27/09/2019 08:27

I CAN just imagine

TeddybearBaby · 27/09/2019 08:27

I’d be careful about justifying the teacher by saying it’s cos your wound him up or something similar. I see a guy for counselling who thinks it’s fine that he loses his temper with people because it’s their fault because they know how to ‘push his buttons’ or ‘wind him up’.

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/09/2019 08:33

I don't know how old the teachers is but, in my youth, the phrase 'you're a waste of space' was a humorous quote from Fawlty Towers and not the heinous insult people on here seem to think it is. But then I'm of the generation that had board rubbers thrown at them (not at me personally but I sometimes doubted the accuracy of the shot).

CreatedBySombra · 27/09/2019 08:35

Honestly the teacher wouldn't have said this for one incident in class. This will have been an accumulation of shitty behaviour that has made the teacher respond with exasperation rather than professionalism.

If you believe this to have been said ask for a meeting with the head of year/department.

Get to the bottom of why your child's behaviour is so consistently disruptive that it made a teacher respond inappropriately. Also ask why you haven't been contacted about their disruptive behaviour previously. Then deal with it robustly and consistently.

Only then raise a complaint about the teacher's conduct. Above all you need to be backing the school because getting away with being a little shit is not going to do your child any favours, but being clear that you expect teachers to model correct behaviour when you're trying to get your child to behave isn't unreasonable. Don't go nuts in your complaint though. Just ask for it to be fedback and officially noted for future reference. Your child is in the most wrong here. Not the teacher.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 27/09/2019 08:39

Look, it really isn't that difficult.

Kid distracts everyone
Kid doesn't shut up when told to
Teacher tells kid to leave the room
Teacher adds unecessary comment

The difficulty comes when you consider how irritating the kid must have been to make a presumably seasoned teacher to speak out of turn so early in the school year.

No, the comment was not justified and the techer will know this
Yes, the comment was probably apt, but still should not have been said
Yes, most of the kids in the room probably agreed with the teacher
Yes, said kid is probably embarassed and upset by the implications - maybe enough of an unpleasant wake up call, you never know

Solution? OP - speak to the HoY, tutor, whomever!

You need to find out why your child is pushing staff buttons so hard, so early and what the school is doing to help him stop pushing! And yes, that includes a stern word with the teacher, he needs to rethink his approach too!

An easy way to start is just to pick up the phone and ask for an appointment!

MarthasGinYard · 27/09/2019 08:41

I'd imagine from what the teacher said it's not the first time this has happened.

LolaSmiles · 27/09/2019 08:48

TeddybearBaby
What's interesting is that it's a lot of teachers and parents who are saying something tig he effect of "if it was said as claimed then the teachers overstepped the mark, but I'd not raise it this time and focus on telling your child to behave".

It's not comparable with abuse or people losing their temper with anger issues. It's more a case of "in life if you're inconsiderate, a bit of a prat and generally go around getting on people's nerves, someone's going to call you out and you're probably not going to like it".

I was on a train and a "man on phone having loud important conversation so everyone knows how important he is" was doing his "I'm so important" act. Another passenger asked him to keep it down and the man started being uppity and rude on realising the carriage was staring at him. He clearly didn't like being called out. The passenger who told him to be quiet rolled their eyes and muttered "bellend" as they walked away.
It's true.

Of course, we could argue nobody should ever say bellend because otherwise it's enabling anger, but the reality is people get fedup of arseholes.

formerbabe · 27/09/2019 08:53

I get the impression that this isn't a first incident and perhaps your DC is continually disruptive. There are consequences for bad behaviour and one of these might be that someone's patience ends up so frayed that they say something like that.

Billben · 27/09/2019 08:57

Children like yours make it harder for children like mine to learn. If he isn’t in the classroom to learn but to muck around then he is a waste of space in there.

Aethelthryth · 27/09/2019 09:03

You are completely unreasonable for being upset. Your child was misbehaving and deserved a telling off. You should be upset with your child not the teacher

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/09/2019 09:05

It sounds like the sort of thing an exasperated teacher would have said at my school. If you're sure it's true and DC is upset about it call the school and to make an appointment with the teacher.

Javagrey · 27/09/2019 09:40

It is an unacceptable thing to say and has obviously affected your son. You need to get to the bottom of it so make an appointment with the school. You can find out more about your child's general behaviour and also what was said. If it turns out teacher did say it, then teacher should apologise and hopefully say he didn't mean it. Child should also apologise for behaviour. Hopefully this can be a lesson learnt on both sides and a turning point for the good.

SweetSummerchild · 27/09/2019 09:41

OP, do you want to see what your DC’s future looks like?

Come and join me at the Foodbank. It is full of angry young men (and often women) who are ‘abused’ by everyone in authority. The council are rude and disrespectful, as are the police, job centre, probation service, security at the local shopping centre and all of their (frequent and mostly short-term) bosses and landlords.

It is NEVER their fault. Everyone else has a responsibility to behave well but they don’t.

By all means complain to the school. The teacher will be disciplined and will apologise unreservedly to your child. Then think about the long-term message you are sending.

MercyBookoo · 27/09/2019 09:52

If the child is pissing about instead of concentrating on what the teacher is trying to teach, then what the teacher said is literally true: the child is wasting a school place.

If this were one of mine he’d have got a talking to about behaving. If he/she was that bothered about the teachers opinion he/she would have behaved in the first place.

I wouldn’t be a teacher for all the tea in china.

Adversecamber22 · 27/09/2019 10:01

If my DS had come to me in this situation he would have had a punishment of withdrawal of privileges at home as well. I would then be speaking to the school, but not complaining. I would be seeing what could be done to smooth things out between teacher and pupil.

meyouandlulutoo · 01/10/2019 09:10

I just wonder what it was that your DC 'whispered' across the class, it could have been something personal and insulting either about the teacher or another classmate, and intended to be overheard by a number of those present.. For a teacher to tell someone they are a 'waste of space and oxygen' while being sent out of the room sounds more serious than your DC is telling you, if I was you I would suspect they are hiding something from you and getting their story in before someone at school tells you what the actual behaviour was. On saying that I am not defending the teacher's comment if it is actually what the teacher said.

meyouandlulutoo · 01/10/2019 09:12

SweetSummerchild This is so true, many of us have witnessed this just as you describe it.

Shinygreenelephant · 01/10/2019 09:17

Wow some people on here are crazy.

The teacher was completely out of order and needs to be disciplined. Absolutely no excuse to speak to a child that way, how disgusting. Doesn't matter what they did. And I'm a teacher.

my2bundles · 01/10/2019 10:03

Sounds like your child gas been pushing boundaries and pushed to far this time. Teachers are human, they are there to teach and when they have a class of 30 to teach they are going to get frustrated with the one pupil who constantly disrupted everyone else's learning. If it's shocked your child then good, hopefully they will now realise their behaviour won't be tolerated.

notacooldad · 02/10/2019 16:43

I think there are many people on MN that have no idea what a actually goes on in many secondary school classes. There are many kids that want to be educated and all it takes is one or two that dont and mayhem happens.
I go in schools regularly. I was shocked 10 years ago as a parent. These days I go in as a professional and thank my stars my kids have left.

I suspect many on this post would be shocked how pupils in N
normal every day secondaries speak to teachers, refuse to fo what they are asked and are in general just a pain in

ChilledBee · 02/10/2019 16:51

They're kids though.

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2019 17:18

So it’s fine for kids to refuse to do as they are asked, mess about in class and be rude to staff? No wonder the education system is in the state it’s in and staff are leaving in their droves.

JamieVardysHavingAParty · 02/10/2019 17:26

Whispering what across the classroom, then?

ChilledBee · 02/10/2019 17:28

No it isn't fine but you don't respond in that way when they do because you're an adult.