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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be upset my kid got told they was a waste of space

274 replies

Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 18:59

Trying to be less identifying as possible but yesterday my child (secondary school) got called a waste of space and oxygen and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. It seems to have possibly had an effect on my kid

OP posts:

ChilledBee · 02/10/2019 17:29

And at work

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/10/2019 17:32

Why was your child talking out?

No natter the circumstances it is absolutely not acceptable for a teacher to say this to a child, personally if true I’d be writing a formal complaint.

ChilledBee · 02/10/2019 17:32

We know that like teachers,adult nurses are:
A) underpaid
B) overworked/short staffed/underfunded
C) underappreciated by society
D) deal with a range of mental and social issues which conflate physical health problems
E) deal with patients who are really just unreasonable

Yet we wouldn't think twice about calling out a nurse who said a patient is a waste of space for any reason.

Why?

Because they abused an adult who deserves respect opposed to a child who has to earn it.

Nonnymum · 02/10/2019 17:36

There's no excuse for a teacher to talk to a pupil like that. That type of language was common in the 60s and 70s but I thought things had moved on. No matter what the provocation the teacher is the adult, I would raise a concern.

PEkithelp · 02/10/2019 17:37

Some replies on here are so odd!
I’m a teacher. It doesn’t matter what the pupil has done, we shouldn’t be verbally abusing them! That really should go without staying. The only defense might be if they actually said “save your oxygen” or something which your son misinterpreted. But assuming what he has told you is accurate it is totally unacceptable.

Having your child sent out of lessons also doesn’t make you a terrible parent nor does it mean your child isn’t entitled to some basic good modelling.

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2019 17:37

No it isn’t fine. And no the teacher shouldn’t say that but what you wrote implies they will misbehave because they’re kids.
I’m betting this kid is a PITA. Disrupting the learning for every student in every class. This teacher sounds at the very end of their tether and unsupported.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/10/2019 17:45

This teacher sounds at the very end of their tether and unsupported

really you got that from what 4-5 posts the OP made, does not know the teacher or the full circumstances and yet you came to this conclusion.

Teachers can be dicks at times, as can children, however as teachers they shouldn’t be verbally abusing a child, no matter the circumstances, even if the teacher is apparently unsupported!

I’m not supported in my profession, but I don’t go about verbally lashing out to minors, in fact I don’t lash out at anyone!

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2019 17:49

Well I guess that makes you a better person than the teacher then.
However I’m guessing you’ve never taught.

rightsideofherstory · 02/10/2019 17:50

You are not being unreasonable! I'd hit the roof! I'm sorry your child had to go through that. That teacher needs some sensitivity training

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/10/2019 17:52

Well I guess that makes you a better person than the teacher then.

What I’m a better person because I didn’t call a child a *waste of oxygen and space”. I don’t have to teach to have the opinion that this is completely unprofessional and unacceptable in verbally abusing a child.

Tunnocks34 · 02/10/2019 17:52

I’m a teacher, and it was unprofessional. There maybe times when I’ve thought negatively about a pain in the arse kid, but I’d never dream of vocalising it.

Ignoring your child’s behaviour, I don’t think yabu to be concerned about the language used, but I wouldn’t complain to the school - it’s unlikely to go anywhere really.

GreenTulips · 02/10/2019 17:56

CaptainMyCaptain

I don't know how old the teachers is but, in my youth, the phrase 'you're a waste of space' was a humorous quote from Fawlty Towers and not the heinous insult people on here seem to think it is.

I’d have said the same, it’s quite common from where I’m from for parents to say this

No wonder kids are getting away with murder and acting entitled, they’ve never been brought down a peg or two

LolaSmiles · 02/10/2019 17:59

You are not being unreasonable! I'd hit the roof!
Personally I would call the teacher and have a discussion to establish what happened like a sensible adult before hitting the roof.

If indeed it really did happen as reported (though it sounds like classic play down misbehaviour and and ham up teacher response to deflect) then it's a really unprofessional thing to say and they should be spoken to for it.

I'd be reserving judgement before making that decision though given how textbook it is for disruptive students to take the "I only did this small thing and the teacher SCREAMED at me and I was so humiliated!" approach.

Wolfiefan · 02/10/2019 18:00

Some of the kids I’ve been unlucky enough to teach have indeed been a complete waste of oxygen. I’ve never said it and it’s been very very few. But I can well empathise with a teacher driven to blurt out such a phrase. Appropriate? No. Understandable? Yep.
If someone said that about my child I wouldn’t be off to pull a Daily Fail sad face. I would be ashamed that my child behaved like that in class.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/10/2019 18:08

The child’s behaviour and the teachers actions are completely separate, both need to addressed separately.

And I agree with Lola, I wouldn’t be “hitting the roof” I’d be finding out of what has been claimed is true.

A child no matter their behaviour or their educational ability are never a waste of space.

In all my years as a social worker and in my currently profession, I have children who've come to with the horrific backgrounds and unbelievable behaviour concerns, but never have I once thought any of them are a waste of space, even when they’ve challenged me to my absolute limit.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 02/10/2019 18:09

*Come to me with the most

SandyY2K · 02/10/2019 18:10

Off course its unacceptable for a teacher to say that to a child. I'm astounded that ppl are trying to defend it.

If your child's behaviour was so bad, I would expect that the school contacted you to talk about it.

I'd request a meeting with the teacher and the head of year. That behaviour is a lack of professional conduct and constitutes a disciplinary matter.

It really doesn't matter if it happened 1 day into the term, 1 week or 1 year.

I've no doubt teachers think this of some pupils, but you'd never say it if you had any common sense.

If a teacher knows you won't accept your child being spoken to this way, they won't do it again.

Zeusthemoose · 02/10/2019 18:14

Why do so many replies jump to the defence of the teacher and assume the child is lying? Some teachers are great, some are not. Nobody should be spoken to like that by a professional whether they are a adult or child.
Op I would believe your child and be calling a meeting with someone senior.

LolaSmiles · 02/10/2019 18:19

Why do so many replies jump to the defence of the teacher and assume the child is lying?
It's not defending the teacher to advocate actually speaking to the teacher before deciding the version of events from a student who has been disruptive is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

On balance, I've worked with some dickhead teachers who had be quite unpleasant and have seen disruptive students minimise and play a situation to deflect. The later happens more than the former, hence why a reasonable having a chat is probably a sensible way forward.

TriciaH87 · 02/10/2019 18:26

I would talk to the head and raise a complaint. Bullying from a teacher is not ok

ddl1 · 06/10/2019 11:11

I honestly think that some posters are jumping to conclusions in either direction, before knowing the full facts. I don't think one should either side blindly with the child or with the teacher - it is not fair either to automatically punish the child further at home, or go and complain to the head about the teacher, without knowing more. The child may be minimizing his own misbehaviour, and of course it's quite possible that he is misunderstanding or misreporting the teacher's words. 'Go out of the room; it's a waste of space and oxygen for me to try to teach you when you are refusing to learn, and interfering with others learning' is not the same thing as 'YOU are a waste of space and oxygen!' But there are some teachers who do bully children, as well as sometimes the other way round, so do try to get the facts before taking any action.

LolaSmiles · 06/10/2019 11:19

so do try to get the facts before taking any action.
Oh do be quiet with your common sense.
We can't have anyone following up issues in an open minded way by having sensible adult chats you know.

coconuttelegraph · 06/10/2019 14:05

I would talk to the head and raise a complaint. Bullying from a teacher is not ok

Why waste the heads time if you've decided to raise a complaint, the sensible thing to do would be to speak to someone at the school, hear what they have to say and then see what the best course of action it. And even if true it's hardly bullyin g if it's a one off lapse of judgement

WiddlinDiddlin · 06/10/2019 14:57

Since we don't know the actual conversation, nor what your child was actually doing to get booted out of the room..

We have no way of knowing whether being told they were a waste of space and oxygen (ie, you are wasting the space in this classroom that someone who wants to learn could use, and my oxygen in bothering to try and teach you) was reasonable or not.

If the teacher was saying your child is a waste of space and oxygen IN GENERAL and should simply not exist on the planet - yeah that's unreasonable.

If they were frustrated at your childs rude behaviour and poor attitude and felt they were wasting their time AND the other students in being there.. no, not so unreasonable at all.

I think you need to parent your child better, and focus on their attitude and behaviour before starting to get aeriated about what a teacher may or may not, have said.

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