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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset my kid got told they was a waste of space

274 replies

Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 18:59

Trying to be less identifying as possible but yesterday my child (secondary school) got called a waste of space and oxygen and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. It seems to have possibly had an effect on my kid

OP posts:
Walkaround · 26/09/2019 20:36

Interrupting the teacher to whisper loudly across the classroom is a waste of oxygen. And anyone who thinks their child may be naughty but would never lie or outrageously misinterpret what someone else said, is seriously deluded. That said, if the teacher really did say the child was a waste of space and oxygen, that was wrong. I would not personally get involved with a semantic argument with the teacher, however, when I already knew that my child had been a disruptive pain in the arse in the lesson and had wasted lots of people's time with their obnoxious behaviour already. I would only consider getting involved if disruptive behaviour was totally out of character for my child, which it clearly is not in this case, or if there seemed to be a pattern emerging of one teacher regularly using inappropriate language towards my child, rather than a one-off situation that the teacher would probably put a completely different spin on.

littlehappyhippo · 26/09/2019 20:38

@Yeetyaga

You can tell by some comments from some posters on here like 'that comment was quite mild,' and 'YABU. and your child must deserve it,' and 'Your child should be the one apologising,' that you are not onto a winner here. So don't waste your time trying to get any sympathy, or help, or decent advice.

Just remember teachers can do no wrong..... They are all perfect.......! You must NEVER EVER EVER criticize teachers... They have the hardest job and the hardest life! Hmm

As I said, report this to the head. These comments were out of order. This person (teaching your son - supposedly) is meant to be a professional. The teacher's behaviour is unacceptable, and WELL out of order.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 26/09/2019 20:38

Good God, dramatic much?

That comment is such an obvious attempt to divert attention from the real issue. Granted, the teacher's comment was unnecessary but I highly doubt it was unprovoked.

MariusJosipovic · 26/09/2019 20:41

Naughty child = male. Of course, this is Mumsnet after all.

MiniMum97 · 26/09/2019 20:41

I think it's completely unacceptable to say that to a child. I would definitely raise it. It implies hat the teacher has written them off as useless. The teacher needs to think of other ways of expressing their disappointment in a child's behaviour without making them feel as if they have nothing to offer anyone or anything! Statements like that can completely disengage a child from learning.

Assuming of course get it did happen...always worth checking that one!

What confuses me is that the statement doesn't fit the crime. Why would you say someone's a waste a space for talking in class?

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/09/2019 20:42

if I got told I was a waste of space and oxygen, it would make me feel as though nobody believed in me or wonder what the point of learning was

Really? I was an absolute pain at school. GCSE years were the worst I think. I thought I knew it all and didn't think about how my disruptive behaviour affected other people. I am sure I got told this, but if not the a hundred similar things. I wasn't upset at all and it didn't stop me getting A/A* in everything. Winding up teachers was just entertainment for little-shit-me.

Catforaheadrest · 26/09/2019 20:42

YABU

Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2019 20:44

Has the teacher at any point admitted making the comment? Because, until then, I would not take the child's complaint as gospel.

MrsDimmond · 26/09/2019 20:45

If I've understood your post, your DC was sent out of the classroom for "whispering". As s/he left, the teacher said that your DC was a "waste of space and oxygen". I'm not sure how loudly this was said?

Your DC has told you that this expression made them feel like the teacher effectively said they might as well kill themselves ....

If your DC has MH problems and you have previously been worried about his/her wellbeing, I might be concerned. Otherwise, I would view the teachers comment as unprofessional but not really harmful.

I'd wonder why my DC wasn't more resillient because the reaction doesn't fit the expression.

But, you're reaction that it would make you feel worthless etc. is really interesting. It is fair enough to be pissed off by what the teacher said, but it isn't the sort of phrase that would cause most people distress as such.

Perhaps its would be worth taking stock of whether you are hypersenstive and have instilled this in your DC?

Its certainly not in the same league as calling a child a thick cretin!!!

intermittentfasting · 26/09/2019 20:46

I'd be saying to my child;

"Well don't piss about in class and the teacher won't say things like that. Now stop whinging and get on with your homework"

Nyon · 26/09/2019 20:47

if I got told I was a waste of space and oxygen, it would make me feel as though nobody believed in me or wonder what the point of learning was

From one comment? A delicate child you have there. For what it’s worth, I sent a younger child out of my lesson earlier this week. They had refused to work, sat at the back of my room making noises, which then went into loud offensive comments across the room. They threw their pen and were incredibly disruptive. I have 29 other students to think about in that room. The teacher may have been unprofessional. It does happen. But your child thought it acceptable to disrupt the learning of others and maybe a sharp comment is a good thing to make them and you realise how foul that behaviour is in a classroom.

Honeyroar · 26/09/2019 20:48

Your child sounds like he knows exactly how to play you and pull on your heartstrings. He's halfway through senior school. He needs to learn how to behave. You can't run around after him forever.

intermittentfasting · 26/09/2019 20:50

And if you think that your 14-16yo has never made anything up you're very naive.

Your DS had probably pushed and pushed the teacher. I very much doubt his first offence in this class was 'whispering' and it provoked a sending out and strong reaction.

intermittentfasting · 26/09/2019 20:53

I mean a bit of whispering as a one off wouldn't get anything more than a 'settle down now' even from a strict teacher.

ddl1 · 26/09/2019 20:53

It's not acceptable. It does depend on what your child was doing to get sent out. If it was just being too loud, or chatting when he should have been working, then it was appropriate to send him out, but not to make that comment. If it was something serious like bullying another child or threatening the teacher, then it's still not a good thing to say, but more excusable in the context. You need to find out exactly what happened - and indeed whether the teacher said it at all. Even if your child is telling the truth as he sees it, he could have misunderstood things, or a troublemaking friend could have said: "Did you hear what Mrs X said when you were leaving? She said...;

Kolo · 26/09/2019 20:54

Yanbu. Regardless of how your child behaved, I’d expect the teacher to be professional. I’ve worked in schools a long time, and that sort of insult from a teacher is not acceptable. I’ve faced some very unpleasant behaviour from teenagers in my time (far worse than shouting across a classroom), I’ve even lost my temper, but I’ve never resorted to making unpleasant insults to a child. Teachers are taught to address the behaviour, not the child.

So maybe your child is a pain in the arse in the classroom. You say you’re addressing that. But teachers are professionals and should act like that. Imagine any other professional acting like that? Doctors? Lawyers?

Maseandmum · 26/09/2019 20:55

I work in a school and have had experience in high school and that’s extremely unprofessional. YANBU. Shouting is something but saying a child is a waste of oxygen is a whole other thing.

TitianaTitsling · 26/09/2019 20:56

make me feel as though nobody believed in me or wonder what the point of learning was. Oh bloody hell, snowflake drama llama, really? You aren't pondering on the previous behaviours? Of course not you can't then devoid yourself of responsibility for things then can you?!

LolaSmiles · 26/09/2019 20:57

I'm more amazed that we've got a teenager here who has never made anything up!

Hilariously the only teens I've ever encountered who've apparently never made anything up are the ones who've been pulled up for their attitude and actions.

OP
If the teacher DID say "you are a waste of space and oxygen" then it was uncalled for and poor form. I don't think those sorts of comments are appropriate and I have known colleagues who would have said something like that. On this occasion, I probably wouldn't raise it and would focus on promoting better behaviour from my child though tbh.

What I can see happening more (especially from a student who in their own self-mininising way was sent out for "whispering across the classroom") is any variationof the following were said:
"Stop talking it's a waste of oxygen"
"Save your arguing I'm not wasting my oxygen having this argument"
"There are plenty of people who want to be in this class/school and you're wasting space someone else would appreciate".

Then again, I'm a little cynical because I've been called as a witness in investigations when students in trouble have claimed that a colleague has "screamed in their face" (didn't happen) and called them stupid (didn't happen). Some students in trouble become quite adept at downplaying their actions and hyping up staff actions.

MitziK · 26/09/2019 20:59

It sounds as though your child is already firmly of the opinion that getting a basic education isn't worth the inconvenience to their social interactions.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2019 21:01

How will you and your child cope when they start a job? 😳

Theipcode · 26/09/2019 21:04

I was frequently told that I was a waste of space as a very young child, by my mum, and it had a profound effect on me.
Can imagine those words may also have an impact even if it’s to a teenager from a teacher.

PurpleDaisies · 26/09/2019 21:04

How will you and your child cope when they start a job? 😳

No boss has ever called me a waste of space and oxygen. That would be highly unprofessional.

OwlBeThere · 26/09/2019 21:05

‘Your teacher doesn’t literally mean they think you are a waste of oxygen, they are expressing their frustration and exasperation with you because your behaviour is interrupting their lesson, stopping others from learning and isn’t acceptable. So it’s not at all that they want you to kill tiurself. They want you to shut up and listen and not be so rude’

End of discussion. Hmm

Petrichor11 · 26/09/2019 21:07

You and DC are being over dramatic and if one comment can shatter their reason for existing then you both need to get a serious grip and learn some resilience.

DC needs to bloody behave in class. It really is that simple. If they behave then the teacher will have no reason to consider them a waste of space. If they persist in pissing around and disrupting everyone then they are acting like a waste of space in that classroom and deserve to be told that.