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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset my kid got told they was a waste of space

274 replies

Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 18:59

Trying to be less identifying as possible but yesterday my child (secondary school) got called a waste of space and oxygen and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. It seems to have possibly had an effect on my kid

OP posts:
zzzzzzzz12345 · 26/09/2019 20:05

My primary child got asked to sit out for talking when the teacher spoke. She is a repeat offender who has got away with it previously on personality. This teacher doesn’t stand for it. At home I back the teacher all the way and encourage my child to learn from the humiliation rather than buck it. Also explain that it’s not just her but other children who are being disturbed and maybe can’t multi task. The message is getting through because we are supporting the teacher at home. Try that?

And all kids lie to save themselves, even if it’s not deliberate their truth is skewed, especially in the retelling to a parent. The only other person I know who was silly enough to say this was proven rather embarrassingly to be utterly wrong when her child owned up to the wrongdoing under cross examination. Don’t be that person.

OneAutumnMorning · 26/09/2019 20:06

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zzzzzzzz12345 · 26/09/2019 20:07

Sorry missed the key point - i would concentrate on my child’s behaviour rather than the teacher. Shit happens. It shouldn’t have been said but maybe they were just fed up of being ignored.

Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2019 20:07

A child who's got to mid teens without ever having made anything up, is obviously to be believed without any question.

MigGril · 26/09/2019 20:08

Well I think you are being unreasonable. Mainly for this reason, you actually have no idea what went on in that class room. I can almost guarantee you that it didn't go down as your child said it did.

You have 2 options, trust the teacher disaplined your child correctly and that you need to follow through on this. Or if you think something wasn't quite right go and ask the school what actually happened. Do not go in saying your child said so and so I need an explanation. Mainly as it's very common for children to lie to try and get the teachers into trouble. I've seen it happen, you where not their your child could just be trying it on to get out of to much trouble. Be impartial until you have more information. Yes that meams questing what your child has told you but I'm afraid it happens so often. They may just be bending the truth or how the teacher said it sounds wrong out of context. But you shouldn't just go in and complain without more information.

EmeraldShamrock · 26/09/2019 20:09

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littlehappyhippo · 26/09/2019 20:12

@Yeetyaga

Report this to the Head.

My friend's son was called a thick cretin by a teacher some 10 years ago. (Just because he got 13 out of 50 on a test..)

He was a horrible man (maths teacher,) and her son who was only 12 at the time, had un-diagnosed Autism. Thankfully he was diagnosed at 14/15. My friend reported it to the Head by the way, and her son was moved to another teacher's maths class.

3 months later, the horrible, rude teacher left the school.

I am really sorry your child had to hear this by the way... Flowers

Rachelover60 · 26/09/2019 20:14

As teachers' insults go, that was quite mild.
I'd have probably been a bit upset had mine been spoken to in that way but I doubt I would have complained. The child must have done something disruptive.

Things can only get better.

LoveSatsumas · 26/09/2019 20:15

@EmeraldShamrock not done yourself any favours there.

MontyDyson · 26/09/2019 20:15

Millions of Mumsnet user with kids and @Yeetyaga thinks her post will out herHmm

Seriously tell your DC to stop running their mouth and do as they are told.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 26/09/2019 20:16

YABU.

The phrase "waste of space and oxygen " is a common phrase. The teacher didn't mean it literally. Any more than if they had said your child's behaviour was driving them up the wall.

Original poster
Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 20:19

To have your own child tell you a teacher has told them they’re a waste of oxygen it’s quite sad no matter how bad their behaviour is. I can’t do nothing when they say to me that ‘they might aswell of told me to kill myself’ so I came to mumsnet.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2019 20:21

Do you always automatically believe everything that comes out of your teenager's mouth? Thankfully my parents didn't, especially when I was trying to defend my often less than perfect behaviour.

Original poster
Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 20:23

Not necessarily but I could tell on their face it wasn’t a lie however I may be wrong

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2019 20:24
Confused
MitziK · 26/09/2019 20:25

It's the same as telling them to kill themselves? Oh, good grief. Unless your kid has longstanding diagnosed MH issues (which I'm sure you would have started with if it were the case), that's possibly the most ridiculous and blatant attempt at trying to distract Mum from the fact they were being an utter shit in class that I've ever heard.

CherryPavlova · 26/09/2019 20:27

You need to stop overprotecting your child and worrying about a silly off the cuff remark and start telling them to behave themselves. If they’re truly affected by this mild rebuke, you need to build their resilience by letting them cope with minor challenges like being told off.

PurpleDaisies · 26/09/2019 20:27

I can’t do anything when they say to me that ‘they might as well have told me to kill myself’ so I came to mumsnet.

Your son said that?

Petrichor11 · 26/09/2019 20:28

I really think the best thing you can do is help your teenager understand that the root cause of the comment was their own behaviour. If they stop pissing about in class then they won’t have to hear that sort of comment again.

AlbertWinestein · 26/09/2019 20:29

Don’t worry too much oP. One of my teachers called me a waste of space and all I thought was, “I’ll show you!” and knuckled down and aced the class. Maybe you can suggest they go that route?

Csleeptime · 26/09/2019 20:29

OP yanbu, this is Why there are so many poorly behaved youths. Apparently parents and teachers think speaking rudely is a good way to teach kids. Kids at any age learn from those around them. If they think callimg people a waste of space is acceptable, they will treat people the same way. Very sad and appalling from an adult in charge. I would never speak to my kid like that What ever he did. You can discipline and be polite, it is possible! Doesn't matter what the kid did, you don't insult them on a personal or any other level. That's truly ignorant.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 26/09/2019 20:31

It's absolutely nothing like telling someone to kill themselves. I can't believe people are shocked by this. I thought it was a commonly used phrase (I'm not a teacher don't worry!) and I wouldn't expect a GCSE ages child to be upset by it being said, particularly not if he or she HAD been disruptive

TheCanterburyWhales · 26/09/2019 20:32

If my child came home and told me her teacher had a) sent her out of the room b) called her a waste of space and oxygen I'd be on to the school like a shot

To apologize for my child's bad behaviour.

Original poster
Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 20:33

I understand that disruption is unacceptable however, if I got told I was a waste of space and oxygen, it would make me feel as though nobody believed in me or wonder what the point of learning was.

OP posts:
dollydaydream114 · 26/09/2019 20:34

An adult was rude to a badly-behaved teenager. Boo-fucking-hoo.

Tell your child to a) be better behaved and b) stop whining when the consequences of their poor behaviour become apparent. I can't believe a kid their age would actually be upset or hurt by a teacher saying this when the kid was clearly the one playing up badly enough to be sent out of the room. What a sense of entitlement.