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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be upset my kid got told they was a waste of space

274 replies

Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 18:59

Trying to be less identifying as possible but yesterday my child (secondary school) got called a waste of space and oxygen and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it. It seems to have possibly had an effect on my kid

OP posts:
JustOneSquareofDarkChocolate · 26/09/2019 19:45

Teacher shouldn’t have made a personal attack - the punishment was being sent out.

Your child shouldn’t have been disrupting the class.

I wouldn’t contact the school but I would be talking to your child about the consequences of their poor behaviour on other children’s learning.

lljkk · 26/09/2019 19:45

That sounds like a situation rife for misunderstandings & mishearing what the teacher said.

Teacher could have said that they're complaints (spoken words) were waste of oxygen, or that they were wasting their opportunity (space) to get an education. I haven't a clue what teacher said, but I wouldn't rise to thinking it was as negative as reported without some further info.

IronicalCallSign · 26/09/2019 19:45

If this had happened to me at school, and I'd told her, I'd have been told off for disrupting the other students. Actually she'd have probably made me write an apology note to the teacher the next day.

Not condone my actions: and quite rightly!

MyShinyWhiteTeeth · 26/09/2019 19:45

How are you addressing your child's poor behaviour in class?

Ragwort · 26/09/2019 19:45

You are totally focussing on the wrong thing here, talk to your child, get him to understand that he needs to behave better.

Perunatop · 26/09/2019 19:46

There is no such thing as 'whispering' across a classroom. Your DC is lying.

Tweefutom · 26/09/2019 19:47

I would definitely be upset, but upset with my DC for misbehaving. It sounds like the teacher was at the end of his/her tether.

Hope your DC reflects on their behaviour and it improves.

cosytoaster · 26/09/2019 19:48

Interesting so many posters have made the assumption this was a boy, when the OP has not indicated her child’s sex

I agree - misbehaving so must be a boy Hmm

firawla · 26/09/2019 19:50

Yabu, i would focus on your child’s behaviour instead

TalentedMsRipley · 26/09/2019 19:50

Where's the Op gone? Hopefully to go give her kid a bollocking.

Original poster
Yeetyaga · 26/09/2019 19:51

May I just say that I am disciplining my child and I am focusing on their behaviour. This thread was meant for asking whether I was being unreasonable to be upset about the situation, not asking for people to drag me on my parenting

OP posts:
mclover · 26/09/2019 19:52

YABU - your kid is wasting other people's valuable learning time by interrupting the class - so the teacher is not far off.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 26/09/2019 19:52

But OP, the whole point here is that you might be worrying about the wrong thing.

coconuttelegraph · 26/09/2019 19:53

I'd be more concerned about my child being sent out of the lesson, is there a history of bad behaviour and disobedience?

WorraLiberty · 26/09/2019 19:53

OK well yes, YABU imo.

And your teenager is being massively unreasonable too.

They can't go through life pissing people off and then getting all offended over a mild insult thrown their way.

If this kid was 4 or 5 I'd think completely differently but 14 to 16 FFS?

LemonPrism · 26/09/2019 19:55

Well what do you want if it did happen OP? An apology to your son from the teacher? That would further your child's disrespect from them and they'd likely share it round all their friends that he HAD to say sorry.

Admittance that it happened? Unlikely.

A new learning and behaviour plan might be the way to go but you'd have to work with the school on that one.

BenjaminH · 26/09/2019 19:55

No your not being unreasonable, whatever the context, very harsh thing to say to a young person who is already not sure of themselves.

you could say if you wanted to the person who said this that you think its was harsh and unnecessary.

Soontobe60 · 26/09/2019 19:55

but never have they made something up

Said every parent of every child that's told off in school 🤷🏼‍♀️

Justmuddlingalong · 26/09/2019 19:56

Will you contact the school to discuss your DC's and their teachers behaviour, or quietly seeth at the injustice your offspring is having to endure.

PuffHuffle5 · 26/09/2019 19:57

Don’t say anything to the school. Focus on your child and getting him to behave - that should be your priority.

Yep. This seems to happen quite frequently on mumsnet - child regularly misbehaves (i.e. disrupting their own and other’s education) parent doesn’t address it, teacher loses patience/child tells embellished story about how teacher has reacted, suddenly the parent shows interest and has something to say...

BenjaminH · 26/09/2019 19:58

If your child was going a gob shite then you punish them obviously.

BenjaminH · 26/09/2019 19:59

Being*

Mitzicoco · 26/09/2019 20:01

Ther is absolutely no situation when a teacher should talk to a CHILD like that. No matter what.

Apple23 · 26/09/2019 20:02

On the surface, bearing in mind you will only have the edited highlights of what happened, the comment doesn't sound very professional.
However, if it has had an effect on your child and is making you take notice, maybe it has had the desired affect.

I think I missed what you said your child is planning to do to improve their behaviour?

Queenofpi · 26/09/2019 20:03

YANBU. I'm a secondary school teacher and have heard colleagues make similar comments in pupils' earshot which I consider to be incredibly unprofessional and unnecessary. It doesn't matter how badly a student behaves, the teacher must be the adult in the situation. Occasionally, I feel that I have been too harsh on a student (bad day, explode over little thing etc) and will apologise to them (even if they're frequently horrid) to try and show them better ways to respond to situations.

However, although I agree with you, it will be difficult to do anything about it. Although unprofessional, raising a complaint with the school is unlikely to have a positive solution. The teacher probably (hopefully) didn't think your child could hear, and if they knew the comment had been heard would probably (hopefully) feel embarrassed.