I lost my shit this morning... embarrassed and feel really shit

[cjt110]

and now feel like an awful, arsehole of a parent.

DS (5) was awake in the night with a nightmare. Which means I also was awake and didn't get back to sleep.

Drop off at school - he went into the playground fine. Playing with his friends. Then we headed over to where he goes in.

I heard him boss his friend about and told him off. A few parents were around at this point and i said something like "Leave F alone - he will do it in his own time" and asked DS to come and stand with me. He refused. I asked again so as to try and get him away from F. He refused again.

He then begun to walk off and i walked towards him and asked him to come to me because I wanted to talk to him. HE shouted at me that he would not and if i said to come to me again he wouldn't. That he would only do it if I didn't ask him. Fair few parents around the entrance at this point and I felt embarrassed that I can't even get my own 5 year old to come to me.

I walked tiowards him and told him that he was being naughty and i wanted him to come and stand with me because i wanted to talk to him. He stomped over, growled/screamed in anger at me. I said to him, in an angry tone he was not to do that and that I would tell his teacher about his behaviour. He then started ti beg me not to tell his teacher.

The doors opened. I gave him a kiss and a cuddle and he very solemnly went in.

It's been playing on my mind as we have had upset quote a few times on him going in (him saying he misses me) since he started Year 1.

I've just rung school and they said he did go in upset. Told the teacher he had had a falling out with me and i hadn't used kind words and that he was sad. He had some cuddles and TLC and was now OK.

Sounds silly I;m sure but I am SO embarrassed and also concerned they'll think I'm an awful mother and the previous upsets have been my fault too.

I jut want t go and get him from school and give him a cuddle and say I'm sorry. I feel really shit.

A mum commeneted "At least it's not just my child that can be like that" and a grandma I know said "Whats wrong with all these kids today - have they had a dose of nasty today?"

I feel so fucking upset that I lost my temper but I don't know how else i could get him to listen. I suppose beig watched by other oarents made me feel i HAD to act.

Fuck

I can tell that you need support and maybe other things are getting to you.
I'm not sure how old you are but I was an older Mum I was 37 and when you are older a lot of the time you have more confidence to pick your battles.
No child is perfect of well behaved all the time. You notice more when yours plays up. I use humour all the time. My son is 13 and still works great.
Don't get into a battle of wills. He'll win more than you.
I wish you could hear my friends and I talk about how we manage to survive. Please don't focus on how other people can judge you. Concentrate on enjoying your boy, parent with humour and remember we don't always get it right. We are learning to be parents everyday.
I laugh a lot and I find it really works.

OP,

Haven't read 8 pages but I think you did very well.
Parenting can be testing but you were firm.
I would speak to him tonight about how you expect him to behave and that there will be consequences if he doesn't behave.

I would also think the other parents thought you were doing your best.

The time people are judged is when their children behave very badly and they ignore it and pretend not to notice.

Go easy on yourself. Sounds like you are giving yourself a hard time.

I will say that long term children respond best in normal circumstances to firm boundaries and expectations IME.

Good luck 💐

you sound like your strugggling with your confidence and self at the moment.your tired and shaky and feel like nyou could cry,fall and breakdown?this cant also make you more prone to napping or stressing becasue you just dont no what to do both with him and urself.sadly he will too pick up on this and often mirror your own moods.which will then make your mood worse and so on and so on.
try to be kin to yourself.your doing the best you can.do something lvoely with him this evening something really light fun and silly.let yourelf be silly lose control for a bit.let yourself have that time too.
he will let himself release everything with you becaue he knows you are his safest person.we can fall apart with those we trust and love the most.with those we feel can give us walls to fall on and bounderies to live by.with those who we can fully trsut will always catch us.
im sorry if im wrong but you do feel a bit beaten and struggling.please be nice to yourself.ie yourself a big hug from me.you dont sound like a bad mum at all.you sound like your a bad person only to yourself.

You should hear the way some of the parents speak to their kids at my DC's school, and on the walk to and from. Trust me, you handled it well, you probably only had the guilt because you weren't there to see that he was ok. Kids are very resiliant.

Aw, OP don’t be so hard on yourself. You sound like a good mum.

@banana64 you don't sound like a good parent, you may be over doing it here but you sound like a dictator! Because parents don't use your style doesn't make them bad parents.

Your comment "they wouldn't say it twice to me" sounded threatening and aggressive, lots of parents don't like that style.

OP how was he this afternoon?

Don't worry the teacher would be pleased you stood your ground and were firm with him rather than pander to his whims. Lots of them strop at this age. They get tired from school but you need to keep the boundaries firm.
He kicks off at you because he knows you love him unconditionally!

I have never ever had to threaten or be aggressive. I'm firm and fair and I dont tolerate my children letting themselves down. I cannot understand the absolute twaddle here. No wonder uk society country is down the shitter with the pussyfooting parenting. I dont raise my voice. I dont threaten. I dont dictate.
I rear them to be decent adults out in the world. Which they now are. They are super teenagers. Not an ounce of trouble.
I absolutely do not understand why people are pandering to the op. Grow up and parent. And so what if you don't like my attitude. If you only want people to say ah ya u were right then why are u in aibu .

You sound like a brilliant mother to me. You care about your child's behaviour, you care about him treating his friends well and your care about his feelings. As for losing your temper a bit, we've all been there. The only parents I silently judge are the ones who let their children run wild without appearing to give a crap if they hurt themselves or sometime else.

Outside the Nursery today my 3 year old was the ONLY kid jumping in the huge lake-style puddle. In his school shoes. He was drenched. I told him sternly not to multiple times, and in the end was pretty sreeching his name.

All the other kids listened on the first warning.
The whole crowed of parents and kids were watching my kid splashing about getting soaked. No one was laughing. Apart from him. Luckily I pack a full uniform change in his bag (because I know what he's like!)

Across the playground a mum was SHOUTING at her crying baby in her pram - baby looked about 5/6 months "What's WRONG with you?!! for gods sake!" etc.

This will have been happening up and down the country - allllll over. Everyone was extra stressed because of the weather.

You did not win the worst parenting award today believe me. You did nothing wrong. No need to feel guilty about punishing your child by shouting sometimes - we pretty much all do it!

For those that are saying they are stricter parents and have never had to deal with bad behaviour could you give some explanation of what you would have done in this kind of situation, please? What kind of things do you do when your child doesn't follow instructions or is resistant towards you?

Newsflash: Some children take more effort to parent into good behaviour than others. The playing field is not even out there. So well done to the perfect parents raising perfect children. Meanwhile the rest of the fallible parents raising fallible children do their best, and usually suceed in raising decent human beings despite the hiccups along the way.

I've had plenty of moments with my DCs, but the majority of the time they are pleasant human beings, and they are pleasant assets to their classes, so I must be doing something right. I won't claim perfection on mine or their parts. I can't... not after once escorting my pajama clad yR child to school with his uniform in his bag because he failed to get himself dressed, and I was not going to make his sibling suffer consequences for his stubborness. He's never pushed it that far since, and the reminder has sobered him a few times.

OP didn't lose her shit. There is a major difference in shouting for attention and a losing your shit rant. Teachers know that half truths from children work both ways. OP was parenting in tackling an unwanted behaviour. Plenty of parents would have ignored.

I have an ex colleague who always used to brag about how strict she was and how her DD never misbehaved. Her DD seemed like the perfect kid. When she turned 18 she had an emotional breakdown, dropped out of university, moved away and went NC with her mum... She claims to have no idea why.

FWIW I'd have done the exact same you did OP, with a couple of threats of thrown in too (take away your tablet, scooter etc).

The only things I would never ever do is swear at them, or being rough/violent in any way. I suffered this a lot as a child and the whole "never did me any harm" thing is utter bollocks. It harmed me and it damaged me for life.

@banana64
To be fair, op handled the situation well. Other parents spoke up in her support.
Op is clearly f

For those that are saying they are stricter parents and have never had to deal with bad behaviour could you give some explanation of what you would have done in this kind of situation, please?

Picked him up and taken him to wherever I'd asked him to come to, then held his hand and made him stay there.

I'm not afraid of tantrums and never have been and my kids always knew this.

I'm not criticising the OP btw, I'm just answering your question.

I was always relentlessly consistent with my kids from when they were toddlers. It was hard, sometimes embarrassing and really repetitive, but they got the message in the end that I'm the adult and they don't always get choices.

But I would never say I've never had to deal with bad behaviour. Everyone has to deal with that, it's part of parenting.

You’re not an awful mum. You did the right thing in the situation which was to not give in. He was probably showing off in front of his mates, and if he thinks he can behave like that and get away with it he’ll do it again and again. You were firm and fair. You and DH need to have a consistent approach, chat to each other about what behaviour you won’t tolerate and make sure your son is getting consistent messages. Please don’t beat yourself up, we’ve all been there. Sounds like the other adults present were backing you up too. Give yourself a break.

@banana64
To be fair, op dealt with the situation really well. It’s how she’s left herself feeling which needs support and addressing.

We’ve all been there when our little ‘angels’ ( turn into devils) play up and it always feels as though our own children are the only ones and that our parenting is being judged.

Op has also expressed that she’s feeling low about this. She’s certainly not the first parent to feel ‘played up’ in a regular basis. It’s normal child behaviour. From a glance, most kids look perfect, but obviously the reality is they can all drive us crackers.
Op’s Child was being bossy. Kids at this age and older can be. It’s perfectly normal although requires guidance for social reasons.

Op How you’re feeling is pretty normal. We all feel that from time to time. My son used to shout out in public ‘don’t hit me mum’ purely for fun. At those times I was t even vaguely cross with him. He’d skip along shouting it at the top of his lungs. So embarrassing. He’s now 18, and I’m happy to say I’ve never once hit him. (Wanted to many a time though )

@MsTSwift never had to deal with bad behaviour

I have an amazing relationship with all my children. It's absolutely the funniest thing that ye think decent parenting results in bad relationships.
I'm not strict. I dont have to be. I cannot remember the last time I had to correct one of mine. We all get on like a house on fire. Please don't even try to make out like I must be wrong. I'm not.
UK society is in shit and this kind of shitry parenting is why.

@banana64
Can I ask how old your children are currently?

15 16 19 21 24 26

15 16 19 21 24 26

Anyone fancy a punt on tomorrow night's lotto? 👍

@Butchyrestingface
That tickled me

@banana64 Then you ought to know this. Everyone is different. I’m a mother of 5 and I can honestly say that each of my children are different and individual. They are treated fairly but differently and instinctively.

We have all been raised differently and have all have different lives and experiences preparenting.

There is no ‘one way’ to parenting. It’s a massive learning curve. Op is a mum for 5 years only and clearly has really good intentions. Nobody has criticised your parenting on here but you have made critical comments yourself.
Surely, op was right in guiding her child to not be bossy. Yet here you are, being bossy.
I don’t know your children and you haven’t asked for advice, so I won’t comment.

I would like however in this day and age to think that we raise our children to Understand we can all be different so not to boss or critique people when they are trying their best.