You need to work on your sons behaviour

[dailyukelele]

This was said to me by his preschool. He's 3 years old. I tentatively asked what he'd done and apparently it's not kicking, punching or rudeness. It's that he won't sit down or still for group story time.

So I asked how I work on getting him to sit still. They said I need to bribe him to do something sitting like colouring that he doesn't want to do then reward him. He doesn't really get the reward system. He has no motivation to get a sticker. I tried chocolate button for sitting on the toilet when potty training and despite a love of chocolate he wouldn't do it. He's very stubborn and it does take a long time to get him to do things he doesn't want to (brush teeth, put coat on)

I said to preschool he generally has quite a short attention span going from one thing to the next often and they said it's not that, it's behaviour. They said it will be an issue at school if he doesn't learn now. I just thought he's a 3 year old active boy.

He is and they need to be managing his behaviour at the time. It's not unusual and they should have strategies.

And at nursery, if he doesn't want to do colouring, find what he does want to do and build on that. You do the same at home - although some things need to be non-negotiable.
He's only 3!

The nursery sounds very inexperienced when it comes to 3 year olds. His behaviour is completely normal, and not sitting for a story now doesn't mean he won't do so in a years or twos time when he goes to school.

Nothing wrong with him being very active, but yes, being stubborn and slow to do the things he doesn’t always want to do is an area to work on. I am having the same issues with my toddler at the moment. She’s at home so we are fine, but if she was in nursery or pre-school at the moment she would be a pain in the rump.

No you need to find a new nursery as this 1 is really quite shitty.

That's their job. I'd move nursery. He's 3 ffs! (, that's to them not you)

Yup, what the last two posters have said. There's nothing wrong with your son, his behaviour is normal for a three year old.

When my ds was 3 he was the same. If he didn't have cousins the same age I would have assumed it was normal behaviour. But I could see a huge difference between him and his cousins. His cousins would sit down and play, focussing their attention on something for a period of time but ds wouldn't.
We got jigsaw puzzles and colouring books of his favourite tv characters and I sat down with him every day to encourage him to focus for short periods and it really helped. It was a great starting point for us.
The pre school can obviously see a difference between your child's behaviour and the other children so I would take on board what they are saying.

Change nursery. My DS for his entire nursery 'career' had a lovely notebook where they charted each day;s activities and every single day it read: 'Smallmillie was asked to sit down for story time. SmallMillie declined as he was busy playing on the slide/running around outside.' They didn't mind at all. As long as he was playing nicely and being kind to other DC, he was allowed to play. At three years old, why not?

I agree! Change nursery...they sound stupid at best.

Three year olds don't always sit still, your son is behaving like a normal three year old. Group time should be short, and he should be able to choose what he does in a play based curriculum and that might be colouring, dress ups, cars etc he doesn't have to sit at a table activity.
I would honestly change the nursery it doesn't sound like they have much if an idea about kids.

FFS he is three. He shouldn't be getting coerced to submit and obey and shut down his personality just yet. This is unfortunately another side effect of the modern attitude to education which is all about forcing children to be compliant serfs.

If he doesn't want to sit down for a story then their stories are too long or too boring. Carpet time in Nursery should be short and full of action so the children want to come. Encouraging him to do something boring (colouring - why?) with a reward is nonsense, nothing should be boring in Nursery. He sounds quite a normal 3 year old.

They sound like they have no professional knowledge about child development. Suggest (pointedly) they go on some early years training courses about the importance of play and how to encourage learning through children’s interests.

Ugh I HATE this! There’s nothing children of this age need less than to be forced to sit still and be bored. This is a time for learning, playing, exploring, investigating, activity! I sent my son to a kindergarten like this and took him out.

I'm an early years practitioner, so have lots of experience of children from 18 months to 5 years. One thing I can safely say is that there are plenty of 3 year olds who can't sit still for story time, particularly boys. But it needs to be a joint effort from parents and nursery to work on this. They really shouldn't be saying 'you need to work on his behaviour'. What they should be saying is 'here are the things we are doing at nursery to support X with sitting at story time/at xyz activity. You could support this at home by doing.....'

Ask them what THEY are doing to encourage him to engage for longer periods of time, and then ask how you can support it at home. If they still say it's all up to you then honestly, and I don't say this lightly, I would change nurseries.

Well, clearly the nursery have bugger all successful strategies for getting him to sit still, otherwise they wouldn't be trying to blame you. Have they tried giving him colouring books and did it work?...

Just to add, nearly all learning in early years should be child initiated, so there's no need really for him to be sitting for extended periods of time. But 5 minutes for a story/song is perfectly doable at that age and then building up to 10 minutes for those children who are just about to transition into school. I'm not an advocate of children being forced to sit still and be quiet, far from it. But of course they have to start somewhere and expecting them to sit for 5 minutes when they're approaching 4 is reasonable.

Change nursery. I also agree his behaviour is normal!
To put it in contrast, when my daughter first started nursery at 3 she wouldn’t sit still for story time. She would get up and go off to play with toys and when I tried to get her to sit back down, staff told me it was perfectly normal behaviour and that she would learn in time, and indeed she did.

I have plenty of experience with communicating with schools and pre schools and not once have I ever been blamed for behaviour or been told anything in the way you have. It's absolutely appalling.
@Mitebiteatnite has it spot on of course, completely normal behaviour for his age

Does your DS do what you ask him to do OP? It doesn't have to be colouring or story time, but does he take instruction? For example if asked to sit and eat at a table for dinner, does he do that?

Children do need to follow basic instructions to keep them and others safe and happy. If he's defiant that's an issue he'll need support with. If it's just because he finds story time boring, or is more excited by playing with other things than sitting, then I'd fine that pretty normal behaviour but with encouragement to do the right thing (and finding the right motivator for that!) it should change over time.

Yep. It's all in the communication. The way they put it was really unpleasant. They should be saying "we're trying to get him to sit and focus for longer, so that he is able to sit with the group and listen to a story/complete a craft activity. Do you think you could try some of our strategies at home so we can work together on it?"

The person you talked to doesn't seem to like him.Is it possible tomake an appointment with the nursery manager or someone else, to get to the bottom of this and get some real help?

as above,storytime should involve some sorta interaction-like clapping or hand signals so the kids can engage, focus their movement so they resist the urge to wander off...eventually. have you tried teaching him to wee standing up?it might work if hes not keen to sit

Maybe THEY need to work on engaging him and keeping his interest....sounds like a perfectly normal 3 year old to me

That's quite weird it's normal for a three year old to be that way I'd be moving him. I wouldnt force a child that young to sit and do colouring and bribe them that dosnt sound right to me.

Its normal behaviour for most 3 year olds.

I would ask the nursery about what they plan to do too.

I wouldn't be getting him to colour then rewarding. Some onevto one time for a story or an activity of his choice will help him at home and to carry it on to pre-school. Then they should be doing short stories or short activities too to support their children at these times.