You need to work on your sons behaviour

[dailyukelele]

This was said to me by his preschool. He's 3 years old. I tentatively asked what he'd done and apparently it's not kicking, punching or rudeness. It's that he won't sit down or still for group story time.

So I asked how I work on getting him to sit still. They said I need to bribe him to do something sitting like colouring that he doesn't want to do then reward him. He doesn't really get the reward system. He has no motivation to get a sticker. I tried chocolate button for sitting on the toilet when potty training and despite a love of chocolate he wouldn't do it. He's very stubborn and it does take a long time to get him to do things he doesn't want to (brush teeth, put coat on)

I said to preschool he generally has quite a short attention span going from one thing to the next often and they said it's not that, it's behaviour. They said it will be an issue at school if he doesn't learn now. I just thought he's a 3 year old active boy.

They are preparing for school because school will require much longer periods of focus.

Starting school is nearly a year away. One third of his life so far. Much will change in that time and there is no need to be thinking about it now.

He is three, he should be making a mess with paint, dressing up, making mud pies and a million and one other things that are fun. Not liking colouring in is not a problem.

The nursery should be encouraging him to follow his interests and not theirs.

SoupDragon

Sitting on a mat for five minutes isn’t sitting at a table focusing. It is the very first step towards being able to concentrate on work.

Starting school is nearly a year away. One third of his life so far. Much will change in that time and there is no need to be thinking about it now.

I disagree.

They sound pretty crap at managing normal 3 yo behaviour. I'd ask how much exercise, outdoor time, etc they are building into the day?

I had a 3yo who couldn't sit still. By the end of reception, he could. Luckily he didn't have a nursery that were so clueless about child development. Some 3yos cannot sit still, even for 5 minutes. They aren't ready to do that yet. By 4, most will, and by 5, even more will. Marking them out as naughty at 3 is entirely counterproductive. Where does 'preparation' stop? 2yos in suits in case they dress inappropriately for work at 18?!

Sitting on a mat for five minutes isn’t sitting at a table focusing. It is the very first step towards being able to concentrate on work.

And they'll deal with that at school. Gradually. Unless it's a crap school.

Not every child is the same. Surely you realise that?

I'm also surprised they advocate colouring in at all. When I started as a Nursery teacher colouring pages were pretty much banned as being pointless, since then I have found a few children who like it and benefit from the fine motor practice but it isn't, by any means, a 'must do' at nursery.

Starting school is nearly a year away. One third of his life so far. Much will change in that time and there is no need to be thinking about it now.

I disagree.

Why? Do you think he's going to be at exactly the same developmental stage in a year's time? Really?

Terrible advice. So they are advocatibg behaviourism? Then they are very very behind the research. Change your kids preschool. Find somewhere w an outdoor learning and risky play focus. Poor kid! Being rebuked for being a perfectly typical three yr old.

SoupDragon

I disagree that there is no need to think about it now. There is every need to think about it, and take age-appropriate steps to making him ready for school. Like ensuring he can sit and listen for slightly longer periods of time as he goes through this year.

And they'll deal with that at school. Gradually. Unless it's a crap school.

They can deal with it now. Sitting for five minutes is a perfectly reasonable expectation of a three year old.

But that is what reception is for! We already start primary education earlier than almost any other country,and now you want to push school preparation to an even earlier stage?! Why not start at birth while you're at it? It's so developmentally tone-deaf. This kind of nonsense puts kids off school before they've even got off the starting blocks.

There is every need to think about it, and take age-appropriate steps to making him ready for school.

I don't agree. But even if it were the case, the nursery aren't actually taking age appropriate steps, they're expecting the OP to do it all.

Seaweed... Cripes! This is more likely to have the opposite effect. 'Practising' this is more likely to turn the kid off learning and school. Developmentally he is not ready for this kind of learning behaviour. Theres a reason why the nordic countries put off 'formal' learning till at least 7.... And these countries have better outcomes in terms of wellbeing and attainment. Its really sad to see a kid being punished for merely showing typical kid behaviour.

WaterSheep

They are expecting the OP to support their efforts by reinforcing them at home. Nothing wrong with that.

Your nursery sound a bit crap, and your son sounds like a normal 3 year old boy.

BeardyButton

Sitting on a carpet listening to a story isn’t “formal learning”. It’s just doing as you’re told.

frogsoup

Reception is school. Pre-school is what it says on the tin; it is meant to prepare them, and the EYFS curriculum indicates this: “I can listen and join in when we read books and sing rhymes”. “I can listen to longer stories and talk about them.”

My focus would be on fostering a love for learning through active independent play. As much of that outdoors as possible. I would be looking to guide the pre schoolers through how to manage risky play appropriately and how to engage with others. Social emotional skills, gross motor skills. Sitting and passively listening to a story. Or worse colouring a worksheet. Last priority. And learning to do as told? Because an adult said so? No!

Reception is part of the foundation stage. It's preparation for key stage 1. Preschool is not compulsory (in fact neither is reception), and the eyfs curriculum as it applies to nursery is mostly a load of developmentally inappropriate idiocy.

Our nursery had them doing bloody phonics! Ridiculous. There's a reason Nordic countries come so much higher than us on international school achievement comparisons, and this thread puts a finger on it.

frogsoup

Best not send them, then. The staff are obligated to follow EYFS, and pointing out that it is expected for a 3 year old to be able to listen quietly for a few minutes is just their job.

Frog are you a teacher? Totally agree w you. Jst because its the curriculum does not mean it is evidence based (unfortunately). A lot of it is age inappropriate. Much of it is jst a politicians hobby horse.

The nursery needs to manage this - not you. He’s only three and it is absolutely normal for a three year old not to sit still for a story if that’s not what they want to do at the time. Have they ever heard of threenagers? If you are happy with how he behaves at home generally then leave it to them. If you feel he could listen better at home then maybe some immediate consequences would work with him (rewarding him with something he really likes when he listens vs taking away something precious temporarily when he doesn’t listen). And then the pre school can use the same tactics you use at home.

And if it helps, my DS5 was exactly the same at age 3, and wasn’t at all interested in nursery “circle” time. However he is now in Year one and I watch him every day walk into his classroom and sit perfectly still on the carpet to listen to his teacher. Kids grow up and mature. He will be absolutely fine at school. Don’t worry about it too much x

He's a normal 3yo child.

DD was similar. Always the one running around when others were sitting nicely, following instructions, at that age. Especially if she was excited about the activity e.g. pre-school dance class, let's all sit in a circle and point our toes - while dd twirls around the room.

She did have the ability to focus when she wanted to, so I was never worried about it.

She actually has excellent ability and willingess to follow instructions, attention to detail etc. Very teachable and an utter goody two-shoes at school. Fitting in with her peers and impressing teachers is a part of that - the social aspect.

But age 2-3, very selective concentration!