Teen advice makes me worried

[ChipOnMyOvary]

I was reading this advice page for teenagers. AIBU to think it is a bit ott?
I find it a bit like girls are expected to put up with male mores. Am I a modern day Mary Whitehouse, or is this like actual grooming of pre-16 girls?

The more I read, the more I feel that people being taught that they shouldn’t be judgemental has got us into this mess.

Should we not judge behaviour then Kriss ? Should we not judge a man who is sexually attracted to children, as many men on twitter are now saying ? Should we not judge the men who are putting bottles of cleaning fluid into their sexual partners, and then pleading “she wanted it, your Honour “ when she dies ?

Where do you start to judge ?

To date there has not been a signal piece of recognised research to show conclusively that porn is in any way addictive or causes any sort of psychological harm to people who watch it."

Note the use of the word "conclusively".

Should we not judge a man who is sexually attracted to children,

Why would you, when they're mature enough to give informed consent to anal sex and fisting? Age is a number.

That needs a #sarcasmalert

Reading with increasing horror

The language in this section is essentially saying "yeah, but"

respectyourself.info/sex/negotiating-sex/hearing-no/

Just to add
I also agree that teens might benefit from being told that certain things exist...but it's the language used on the site that concerns me.

A factual explanation of an act is a lot different than "use more lube".

I'm mid thirties, ive never heard of felching or come across it in all my life and I've slept with quite a few people. None of them have ever suggested it or tried anything like it.
Why the fuck any 13 yo would need to know this word or it's disgusting meaning is beyond me.
The argument that kids might come across it so we should forewarn them and arm them with information is disingenuous bollocks.
Some people like raping babies, animals or dead bodies. Some kids might hear rumours about these sick fucks in the playground. That's bad, but showing them a fluffy, matey PowerPoint presentation about it at school is not ok.

Yep Meercatsarecats ( I had never heard of felching either)

See the difference is, when a child googles a term and ends up on porn or a site that explains it, they'll usually think "I've stumbled on an adult website,". If it's on a site made for children, they'll think its normal for children to carry out those acts. I've used contact me on the site to let them know I think its disgusting

The argument that kids might come across it so we should forewarn them and arm them with information is disingenuous bollocks.

Quite. And the next logical step could easily be:

Kids will engage in sex anyway, without understanding what to do.
Better to have kind, loving experienced adults showing them how to do it.

Amazing how anyone managed to have sex in years gone by really.
My Mum and Dad, married as virgins, happily in love for decades, still holding hands like teenagers when they were in their sixties, had pretty minimal sex ed. I had to clear their house, and I found the booklet on married life that one of them must have bought pre marriage . Strangely no mention of felching.

Fallingirl rather like Peter Tatchell’s comments that he knows people who had sex with adults at nine and were happy about it.

FelicityBeedle

Surely it’s better that they’re looking it up on a curated website, as opposed to urban dictionary or the like? Seems informative and fairly approachable to me

Because it’s aimed at 12 year olds and normalises fetish sex.

Some of the stuff in there is very much what you’d find on a fetish sex site.

So on the parallel thread (FWR) a poster has been looking at Jonny the author's website (she's going to need one hell of an eye wash after that). Wading through, some of the gems include:

^Self stimulation among children from 3 months is common, involving friction, rhythmic rocking, pressing thighs together or rubbing genitals against objects. This can be self soothing and can be accompanied by facial flushing, grunting and moaning

www.goingofftherails.co.uk/healthy-sexual-development/^

I can just imagine the responses to the thread:

“My 12yo DD has been masturbating to porn all night. I think this is inappropriate, AIBU?”

I’m sure all of the responses would be totally cool with that. YABVU, she needs to learn, don’t be uptight, well when boys start —coercing her into— asking her for anal she’ll need to know how much lube to use, hey here’s this great website where she can learn what to do with the leftover shit while she’s about it, nothing to see here, what’s your problem you middle aged bore, are you stuck in the 1950s?

More seriously, I read replies on threads about issues affecting young people and particularly young girls, whether that’s trans related, queer theory, porn and I honestly think where are some people’s heads at?? SAFEGUARDING. It’s still a thing. No one suggests children need to be locked up away from the world until they’re 18 but they need age appropriate ways to navigate it, they need to be told and shown that their bodies and their boundaries are theirs and not a matter up for negotiation, and they need adults, especially those in positions of trust over them, to keep them safe from those who would erode those boundaries.

Believe me, I’m as broad-minded and adventurous as they come in the bedroom and have done things that don’t even make it to Mr Chummy’s World of Fetish list (and have not done some that do because they’re too fucking extreme (coprophilia, FFS???) but I’m entitled to be because I’m an adult. When it comes to initiating children into felching and eating shit at the age of 13 (and of course no one under 13 is ever going to see this site, are they? )? Uh-uh, no way, are you insane? The matey-matey tone might be fine on a smoothie bottle but these are children’s bodies and minds we’re talking about here. There is nothing age appropriate about the vast majority of this site and indeed, some parts are inappropriate at any age given the way it persuades women to bend to the male gaze. If anal hurts use more lube? No you absolute moron, if anal hurts you STOP.

I don’t know why I can still be shocked that so many women are in such a hurry to cheerlead the erosion of children’s boundaries. It certainly explains why regulatory capture is happening space, as people roll over in fear of being seen as judgemental. You can be damned sure I’m going to judge someone who thinks it’s fine to normalise kinks for schoolchildren, and SO SHOULD YOU.

*apace

The outright lies on that website are shocking.
Suggesting there is no recognised research that porn is addictive or causes psychological harm. Well yes, there is actually. Quite a bit.
That female porn stars have high levels of self esteem and love their jobs. I’d love to see the evidence for that as most recognised research suggests the opposite of women involved in the sex industry. Suppose it depends on how the twerp defines ‘porn star’.
Oh and isn’t it great that porn is so inclusive? You can find all manner of fetishes and specialist subjects, even young teen porn aimed at those men who get off on the thought of much younger women. I mean girls. Lovely. Diversity, innit?.
I’m possibly feeling particularly enraged due to the loss of Magdalen but this website (and others of its ilk) are dangerous in the way it grooms both girls and boys expectations and therefore behaviour around sex.
Some of the thinking by posters on this thread demonstrate this in action. A pp tried anal sex because the boy wanted it and well, others do it so it must be good. She then says that if there was information about it available she may have changed her mind. I agree with her; but I disagree that this website provides the kind of information that equips you to enforce boundaries and resist coercion.

It certainly explains why regulatory capture is happening space, as people roll over in fear of being seen as judgemental.

Nail on head.

Hang on. It says porn isn’t addictive, yadda yadda, then bangs on about a 12 year old girl watching porn and masturbating day and night? ( which I think the author invented. Cool story bro )
Do they think we are stupid? And by they I mean this Johnny Hunt character. Who the hell is this undesirable?

I’m not sure about all this. I am in my 40s now. I was a bookish well adjusted and somewhat quiet teenager. I certainly was no wild child and I was also sexually active. Nobody took advantage of me either. I also tried anal in my teens as well. My elder sister was the leading light for me on all things sexual and ever helpful and guiding.

Mum was also quite helpful and open too but I would have welcomed some positive and constructive reading material back then.

So if things are done in the right way, promoting sexual health, the vital importance of consent sex, I think the concept can be good.

What are you "not sure" about? People have described the porny content of the website. The inappropriate tone. The lies about porn. The lack of focus on enthusiastic consent.

Safeguarding has been mentioned a few times. I would suggest that those who feel this website is a safeguarding issue report it. Safeguarding is everyone's concern. However some of you may struggle with that if you don't trust the bodies set up to deal with it (like the council, CEOP etc).

You need to read the study Datun posted. I don't think educators should be cheerleading anal sex for teens.

However some of you may struggle with that if you don't trust the bodies set up to deal with it (like the council, CEOP etc).

Yes, that would be because many of these bodies have been "institutionally captured" by people pushing the agenda of sexualising children and eroding women's and girl's boundaries.

YABU because knowledge is power. Understanding what sex is, how it works, and how to do it safely is important. Kids are having sex at 13 so they need this type of advice.

It’s pretty offensive to describe sex education as grooming, IMO.