Teen advice makes me worried

[ChipOnMyOvary]

I was reading this advice page for teenagers. AIBU to think it is a bit ott?
I find it a bit like girls are expected to put up with male mores. Am I a modern day Mary Whitehouse, or is this like actual grooming of pre-16 girls?

This 'palsy' information also includes information on felching, (sucking your own bodily fluids from someone else's orifices), vaginal fisting, how to get girls 'nice and wet', getting turned on by playing with faeces and an entire section on how fantastic pornography is - including how it results in a drop in sex crimes, what a wonderful choice it is, and how the girls have higher self-esteem than the national average. Together with a positive 'anecdote' from a 12-year-old girl who is watching pornography day and night, is sex mad, and fancies her female teacher. Which doesn't at all sounds like a pornographic/pervy fantasy of the author...

Who ought to be calling social services since watching pornography at 12 is highly illegal, and could be indicative of child abuse. Not using it to promote his pervy sex ed.

All aimed at 13-year-olds - or in that particular case a 12-year-old.

Apparently written by the same man who wants to teach 'self stimulation' to 6-year-old children.

Seems ok to me. I think it's good to give information about sex acts that teens are likely to hear about, as they'll just rely on rumour otherwise. Also it's not only (or even mainly?) women who are 'bottoms' in anal sex, surely.

Yes, fuckholes is offensive. But causing anal sphincter disruption in a 25 year old woman is a lot more offensive, even if it took place in a supposedly 'consensual' way.

How I think back fondly to the days of Cathy and Claire. 😂

You’ll need to be and old gimmer like me to know who I mean. 😄

I’m almost 40, and first had anal when I was 16 with my boyfriend, we were curious so we did. We had all known what ‘anal’ was from probably year 8/9. I lost my virginity at the end of year 9, and I was by far not the first. Catholic school with high achievers, so no one can say anything about social class etc. This was just as everyone was starting to get internet at home (dial up- remember the sound 😂).

Teens know even more today, So I think it’s only sensible to give appropriate advice rather be then pretending that if we ignore it, then it won’t happen or it will go away.

I have a 19 year old son who lost his virginity to his girlfriend of two years. We spoke about it before, she went on the pill and they used condoms, and we spoke about it after (not what happened! But his feelings). But one of the things I spoke to him about was anal, and my main point was ‘Don’t you ever pressurise a girlfriend or girl into having anal sex’, he said he didn’t like the thought of it, but many of his friends had done it.

@AlexaAmbidextra I certainly can't recall Cathy and Claire ever having to answer questions on vaginal fisting - I hadn't even heard of such a thing in my Jackie days

May be tin hattery, but I feel something sinister is going on. Girls and women are being pornified to an alarming extent, as if being groomed to be sex slaves to men above all else.

It doesn’t make any sense that because you have read a medical study of the damage inflicted on a woman being anally raped (have you read the study? It makes it clear it wasn’t consensual) you think it’s a bad thing to provide information to teenagers on how to have anal sex safely.

Injury is far less common when people understand how to have anal sex safely, and the screenshot at the twitter link does talk about taking it slowly, using lube, stopping if you experience any pain etc. I’d rather someone have a reputable source to learn about sexual practices and how to engage in them safely than rely solely on porn tbh.

And yes, it’s aimed at 13+ not 16: seems to be an acknowledgment of the fact that many kids won’t wait until 16 to become sexually active. Which is the reality. If it stipulated it was aimed at 16 year olds it wouldn’t stop 13 year olds accessing it too!

Woah. I can't ever remember Cathy and Claire giving advice on Skat, water sports, anal sex, S&M etc.
It was all about how can I get Kevin to notice me and I fancy the bloke I babysit for. Stuff like that.
My dad used to read my Jackie, just to snigger at it, I doubt he would have sniggered at the problem page with those problems in it.

Well I didn't even know what Arabian Goggles were.

And I thought I could give the urban dictionary a run for its money.

I think it's fine to teach kids that masturbation is normal and fine. I'm not sure they need teaching explicitly how to do it. Most of them figure it out by themselves don't they?

Anal sex between consenting adults, knock yourself out. Promoting niche and, in this case illegal, practices under the guise of information is wrong. I mean, for ffs playing with faeces, fisting, sucking bodily fluids out of peoples vaginas or anuses. At 13. Why not tell them about how some people love paedophilia? It can't be because it's illegal. All of this is illegal. Or BDSM. Or orgies.

This is from a BMJ article about anal sex amongst young people:

Results: Anal heterosex often appeared to be painful, risky and coercive, particularly for women. Interviewees frequently cited pornography as the ‘explanation’ for anal sex, yet their accounts revealed a complex context with availability of pornography being only one element. Other key elements included competition between men; the claim that ‘people must like it if they do it’ (made alongside the seemingly contradictory expectation that it will be painful for women); and, crucially, normalisation of coercion and ‘accidental’ penetration. It seemed that men were expected to persuade or coerce reluctant partners.

The study concluded that 75% of girls didn't want it, but, and this is crucial, the vast majority of boys knew that but they didn't care and said they would pressure them anyway.

Presumably an attitude that resulted in the paperchase valentines cards saying if you loved me you'd do anal.

Whereas, to reflect reality, 75% of articles should be showing girls how to say no to any sexual practices they aren't sure of, and to know that they will be backed up by everyone around them.

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/4/8/e004996.short?g=w_open_current_tab

The fact that these information portals also include waxing lyrical about pornography and how it gives the women high self-esteem, how to get turned on by playing with faeces, fisting, and felching. All for 13-year-olds?

The bells are ringing so loudly I'm going deaf.

I think it's fine to teach kids that masturbation is normal and fine.

Not at age 6.

I don't want 13 year olds thinking that anal sex or felching or fisting or scat is part of a normal loving relationship, no.

And yes, that poor woman was raped. By her boyfriend. Have you read all the threads on here where women describe men 'aggressively pursuing intercourse'? Because they're depressingly frequent. Even more depressingly, many of those women don't even identify it as rape.

Talking of reading the article, did you also read the end of the article where it lists all the dangers of anal intercourse? Normalising it for pubescent children is putting their health at risk.

What I don't understand is some women's apparent inability to say no and mean it.
A self esteem thing? Worried about him dumping you if you refuse? ( No loss if he does )
Surely that is the issue that should be taken to task rather than trying to tell kids that certain sex acts are ' normal '
Girls need to be taught to stand up for themselves while they're growing up and boys need to be taught to respect the girls decision without question.
Or am I just being old fashioned here?

I completely agree that teens need to be taught about enthusiastic consent, their entitlement to say no at any stage, that their self-respect shouldn't be linked to their perceived sexual desirability etc etc. I don't think that giving factual teaching about sexual practices undermines this though. Anal sex isn't inherently problematic and lots of teens will be curious about it, perhaps particularly gay boys. I don't think that eliminating talk of non-reproductive sex from sex education classes is the answer.

Girls need to be taught to stand up for themselves while they're growing up and boys need to be taught to respect the girls decision without question.

I know you asked if you're old-fashioned, and no, of course not. You are supportive of girls. It's a source of continuing worry that it is being viewed as old-fashioned, though.

Girls' boundaries are sooo out of date.

I am 47 and have managed to have a satisfying healthy sex life for nearly 30 yrs while blissfully ignorant of many of the practices promoted to 13 yr old on that website. Girls are being taught that pornified sex where girls are just receptacles for men's pleasure is the norm. This is grooming.

I agree that education on these matters is important but I do find that the screenshot material on the link absolutely horrible. The choice of phrasing in a lot of this “advice” is rather pornagraphic and I’m not frigid in any sense of the word. But the thought of a preteen/young teen reading this makes my stomach knot.

Normalising sexual behaviour is good, advocating sexual practices that are damaging to the body not so much. How many teenagers should feel comfortable with fisting for example? I’m a 31 year old woman and would be genuinely disgusted if my DH even suggested this.

I think that the writer may have been trying so hard to be inclusive of any and all approaches to sex that they didn’t focus at all on important parts such as:

The rise in certain sexual acts being ‘normalised’ due to pornography and the damaging effects it can have on the people in that industry. Physically and mentally.

Why pornography can display acts that, within its industry, are ‘normal’ but that many couples do not practice these acts. For those who do, this is usually consented between two adults.

It does seem very heavily weighted in telling young girls that whatever she is asked for she should give. I think back to myself at the age of 13/14 and the content of this site would have completely overwhelmed and probably scared me. The particular section on a Male resting his penis and scrotum on a sleeping female touched upon it “potentially being an act of sexual assault - not so fun now is it?” Seems almost tongue in cheek. Ugh

Anal sex isn't inherently problematic and lots of teens will be curious about it, perhaps particularly gay boys

Where did you learn that?

Any insertion of anything into the anus/rectum, IS, absolutely IS, inherently problematic.

The rectum is deaigned to expel toxic waste, and the tissues are very easily damaged, and torn, which results in sometimes huge loss of blood, amongst other complications.

Its not something to just have a go at and if its sore just force it with more lube. No, stop!

The vagina walls contract and expand and are made of entriely different structures meant to accommodate penis when, and only when, fully aroused.

Many seem to miss this simple point.

Gay sexual interaction certainly does not equate with only anal atall.

I think that many feel under pressure to accept anal or they're somehow, weird, prudish, maybe frigid, or similar mysognistic rot.

Its sad to raise boys to expect this from girls.

Whats the matter with sex if you can't fulfil yourself sufficiently with vaginal pentrative sex, or masturbation.

Bearing in mind noone owes anyone their sexual relief/fulfilment.

Seems fine to me? I was seventeen when I first gave anal a try

Yeah, this is all obviously old women getting annoyed that 12 year olds are getting more than they are.

Just lube up gals, and scream if you wanna go faster.

Theres a massive difference between giving age appropriate information, and promoting adults sexual practices (and fetishes) to underage dc.

That comes under the bracket of an oversharing pornographer.

The pp who said they tried anal because they heard.

You see thats what teens, underage, do.

They hear and do.

So, that advice advocating playing with their shit?

Would you try that? What fun we're all missing. All this time dumping our shit in a loo, when we could have been playing with our toxic waste.

I am so sheltered, frigid, prudish aren't I, because thats not somewhere I'll go.

If consenting adults want to indulge their shit fetishes go ahead, on your own, or with fully consenting other shit player, but to tell underage kids about this as a thing? Its a fetish!!

Dont we want our dc to have healthy sexual relationships and not sink into grotesque fetishes.

Underage sex is illegal for a reason, to protect dc.

Some will always be inappropriate, sometimes through having to try ill-advised things for themselves, others, do wait until they emotionally mature enough.

Women and girls get enough mysogynistic messages about their role in sex being focussdd on male.orgasm, often not knowing how their own orgasm works, but more familiar with how to induce male orgasm.

Are girls learning about female orgasm.

I've heard women being upset and not knowing what's happening to them when they experience strong vaginal pulses. Older women who should know and have played servant to a mans perverse needs all their life.

Age appropriate.

What's being promoted here is illegal, and perverse, fetishistic.

I recall someone saying to me after I'd done something spectacularly stupid that someone had told me to do, 'would you jump off a cliff if they told you to?'. and no, of course not.

The right messages need to get out to girls about having healthy respect for themselves and others, same with boys.

None of this pressure to be trying out some.of these veey suspect and dangerous practices.

They are not the norm at all, but they don't know this, they are being told all this is fine.

It isn't! Its toxic, and dangerous.

I think the word I was looking for is value.
When did girls start placing such a low value on themselves?
I'm middle aged. I have a good and varied sex life, and yet not once has any man who I've had sexual contact with has ever either asked me to perform certain acts, such as anal.
That said, if they had, they would have got a resounding no followed by my footsteps walking away.
The real burning issue for me is how the hell has the author got away with writing and publishing such material aimed at such a young age?
It's bloody perverted!
I'm all for consenting adults having sex in any way they want within the privacy of their own homes, hell, they can swing upseide down from the chandeliers dressed as a penguin while smoking a cigar for all I care.
Moreover, there were very few of us that actually needed material like this to have a good sex life coupled with the ability to say no.
Quite frankly, if someone had have taught my kids about mastubation at that age I would have raised all kinds of merry hell.
It will be interesting to see how many kids are damaged through this filth.

This is why rates of teenage pregnacies are so high, we are mot providing kids with sex education. You are very naive to think teenagers are not horny and experimenting with lots of sexual acts.

Of course teens are horny and experimenting @Ringdonna
No one has an issue with that. What we take issue with is.
A. The young age group that the author seems to be aiming for
B. The ' normalisation ' of certain sexual acts.
C. That girls should give in to sexual demands.

Ring

Where have you seen that?

I believed, and have looked at stats that say the pregnancy rate is reducing, significantly over decades.

Rates do vary wildly by demographic, but as a national average.

Maybe its increasing in the porno overshare mantra group