Teen advice makes me worried

[ChipOnMyOvary]

I was reading this advice page for teenagers. AIBU to think it is a bit ott?
I find it a bit like girls are expected to put up with male mores. Am I a modern day Mary Whitehouse, or is this like actual grooming of pre-16 girls?

I'm not telling women to stop being anything... I'm merely pointing out that younger women are going to have different ideas...
It is going to change with time, it has because more people talk about it and there is less shame attached to it...
I do think it's something that teenagers try for some of the reasons listed yes...
As I said up thread I tried it at 16 knowing very little about it... just because I was asked to, i wanted to please, but also because i was interested which i guess come under the bracket of 'people do it so it must be enjoyable'.... and as i said up thread i think idve actually been in a better position had i had more info on it. I dont think idve even agreed to it actually. As other people have said this has been around as a sex act for a long time.... but more people are trying it and more people are talking about it now days...
I think the information and openness is a good thing.
Kids hear about it and they try it. I heard about it 15 years ago... I'd not watched much porn nor had my boyfriend.. so it wasnt about that... hed also never done it before... it was just something we experimented with because we were young and that's what young people do. No it was not an enjoyable experience! I just dont think you protect against this by not talking about it... it still goes on.

I'm merely pointing out that younger women are going to have different ideas...

Yes, children or young adults often aren't equipped to recognise coercion, say no or perceive harm. Because they are children. Their brains haven't fully developed yet.

And then you have this nauseating "down with the kids" queer theory driven website that could be a Titania McGrath parody using childish language mixed with niche porn terms. And questioning and challenging whether girls really want to say no. Ah gwan gwan. Use more lube. Why does being examined by a male bother you? "Negotiating sex".

Kriss please do not @ me.
It is enough to bold if you want to highlight a name.
I am laughing at the idea that our Grandmothers would be shocked by DH and my sex life. My Grandmother would not be shocked, nor DH’s Grandmother, a 1930s aristocrat, whose contemporaries were rather more racey than I ever was. My sex life has been much like theirs I imagine.
You sound as though you think this is progress ? That actual children, the vast majority of whom will still be virgins, are being fed this stuff.
My twelve year old still plays with teddies ! My nearly 15 year old has never even kissed a boy. I find this scarily end of days, if you think this is progressive you need your head read.

Uggh yes, Ereshkigal
I have suddenly remembered that the only adult I knew who did this with me and my friendship group as teenagers, had been raping his daughter for years.

Who is this bloke @HandsOffMyRights ? The one who has apparently groomed people in the NHS, the Council and Uni?

On a website that also has CEOP on it? Or has be groomed them too?

All these organisations have been or are being groomed by queer theory acolytes.

Just catching back up with this thread, and wanted to say Krisskrosskiss thanks for being a moderate voice of reason. I don’t think many posters who are frothing at the mouth are looking to actually debate and understand, more to express outrage and stick to their guns. Which is fine, albeit a shame. Good on you for giving your opinion against a bit of a tirade, suspect many agree with you but just cba to get involved (as I very much can’t now I’ve read through the rest since I contributed!

Education and information is key to teaching kids and teenagers about sex, safe sex practices and consent. Even if some sex acts don’t appeal to your own sexual interests!

Sorry Handsoffmyrights didn't mean to @ you.

I don’t think many posters who are frothing at the mouth

LOL. Here we go, the cool girls have arrived.

Inappropriate sexualisation of children is grooming. It's what abusers do.

I dont think this is 'progressive' I think that these are terms young teens will come across and will need explaining because that is the world they are living in. Your children sound great and good for you if they are not interested in any of this yet.... but some children will need and want this info.
It's as ridiculous for you to find this 'end of days' as it would be for me to find this progressive. This is the reality a lot of teens are living in, this is the language they hear and this sex ed is trying to provide the with accurate info about it so it doesnt end up as Chinese whispers.
I mean it cant be that 'end of days' if your children have managed to avoid it all can it?
Teens all develop differently at different rates and some may need this info.

No problem!
Spot on response.

Sadly, we know from safeguarding training that predators secure positions of trust and/or power where they can access children and/or influence others/policy.

Ah yes, the ageism, coupled with 'frothing', and 'loads of people agree, but just can't be arsed to say so'.

It's always an argument that sways me 🙄

I think that if we talk about consent, about wanting to do what we're going to do, about the fact that sex should be enjoyable for all parties, about sexual safety in terms of health, these things help our kids keep themselves safe.

We don't know when they're going to have sex. Who they're going to have sex with. What kind of sex they're going to have.

These are their decisions. All we can do is try and have the discussions to give them the tools to keep themselves safe.

Talking about porn and sex 'fashions' for want of a better term, in terms of anal and choking, - it's a really good thing to have that discussion with your kids. Instead of leaving it up to the internet to 'educate' themselves.

CrystalShark thanks for saying that. I dont think it is the job of sex ed to cast too much judgement or make moral points... it's to provide accurate simple info about things that teens might encounter... unfortunately teens will be encountering more than we did when we were teens due to modern technology. So sex ed will have to cover these things. I do not think that's the same as promoting them. I like the idea that its fostering an open atmosphere around sex and being able to discuss it. Teens might have these questions but be too ashamed to ask about them. I dont think it protects anyone to keep anything taboo.

Sorry, I had to leave as the disgusting acts apparently done in the name of sexual stimulation, in the context of underage children was just making me sick to my stomach.

Its turning healthy individuals into animals for the sexual gratification of men who can no longer get off on normal practices.

Its truly gut wrencing the talk of girls, girls! being fisted, eating and vomitting shit. These are highly dangerous practices and risk serious harm.

Sex and pain??? Injury, harm, damage.

It's odd that I've not come across serious harm to men's penis' but heard horrendous tales of anal damage, massive blood loss, colostomy bags, torn vaginas, haemorrhaging.

Shouldn't we be advocating safe sex and respectful nurturing relationships, fostering healthy attitudes to our bodies and sex?

I am also 🙄 at the comment about how I can’t see the “moral judgment “ in my post. As though moral judgement is a bad thing.
Normalising fisting to children is a bad thing. A very, very bad thing.
I am quite happy to hold a moral judgment on shit like this.

Oh yes and the ageism. Funny how people who think they so liberal and tolerant are so happy to use it.

I'm with you SirVix

mbosnz totally agree. Saying what's normal and what isnt is a bad road to go down. Consent and confidence to communicate openly should be the focus. Then non judgemental factual information about sex acts should be given, to counter any nonesense they might hear or see online or from friends.
As far as I can see that's what was being attempted here. I dont quite agree with all the wording but it seems to me a genuine attempt to inform in a matter of fact unthreatening way about things teens might hear.

Again, inappropriate sexualisation of children is grooming. It's what paedophiles do so they can prey on children.

Saying what's normal and what isnt is a bad road to go down.

Interesting. Do you feel like that about paedophilia? Necrophilia?

'Normalising fisting to children' this is what I mean about moral judgement and emotive language.
It's not doing that is it. Its providing information about the term 'fisting' to teens who may have heard that term and wondered what it meant.
Whether you like it or not teens might hear these words and honestly I feel they should have access to what they mean. Just because its not something you were or are ever interested in or something you think your particular kids will be or are interested in does not mean no teen should have access to this info. Keeping teens with questions in the dark does not protect them from anything.

It's better to be told how to do it safely Datun.

At the rate this is going the next thing will be teaching kids about is double/triple penetration of the vagina and/or anus with a dick in your mouth and that it can be totally safe and okay if you use plenty of lube. Eiffel tower anyone? Surely they need to know about that too? 🤮

You know what may deter many kids from committing most sex acts before they're ready (beyond kissing and before penetrative sex acts)?

Give them access starting at say 11 - 13yrs old to nursing manuals about STIs paired with education - that should stop many of them in their tracks.

Approach it from a medical perspective from the arena of bodily harm and long-term consequences using correct terms (vulva: labia minora/majora, vagina, cervix, uterus, fallopian tubes, follicles, ova - you get the picture) and following up with descriptions for each of those words if necessary for understanding based on age and terms they use to tie into their current conceptualization. Core lessons: reproductive organs, their function, what bodies they belong to (female or male), potential for pregnancy, and potential for bodily harm from pregnancy or sex acts.

I was lucky enough to have a female RN as a parent - who took the time to draw diagrams and explain male and female reproductive organs and associated gametes as well as the potential for pregnancy and physical harm as a result of penetrative sex. She then followed up with handing me her purple nursing textbook on STIs that was about 1,500 pages long with full color photos of affected genitals/mouths/anuses, and descriptions of the STIs shown. I still reference that book to this day. Core lessons: STIs can destroy your genitals/anus/mouth/throat as well as your immune system and can kill you or leave you mentally and/or physically incompetent forever.

We also discussed consent and the need to not only say no but to kick, bite, scream, scratch, punch, whatever to get away if the "no" is ignored. We discussed the importance of: mutual pleasure in sex acts and communication for the safety and enjoyment of parties involved. Core lessons: always exert and enforce boundaries, importance of acknowledging feelings of discomfort and denying suppression thereof, using force to escape if your instincts scream danger.

Yes I was lucky in that respect and I realize most children may not have access to a parent/guardian that competent in relation to Sex Ed. Because we had those conversations I did not fear asking her questions I asked her about every bizarre thing I heard about and she did her best to answer through the same lens described above.

That is the standpoint that Sex Ed should be taken from IMO not the site's dumbing-down and normalization of fetishistic and paraphilic behaviors.

Coming at it from that perspective opens the doors for questions as well as educates.