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AIBU?

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Original poster

Teen advice makes me worried

295 replies

ChipOnMyOvary · 26/09/2019 01:43

I was reading this advice page for teenagers. AIBU to think it is a bit ott?
I find it a bit like girls are expected to put up with male mores. Am I a modern day Mary Whitehouse, or is this like actual grooming of pre-16 girls?

OP posts:
MoodyBitch · 26/09/2019 19:40

@OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg
That's exactly it.
As an adult, you made a free choice to indulge in something that you had given consideration to prior to the event.
The age group that this literature is aimed at are young, naïve and in all probability, think that anal is a normal part of a sexual relationship.
I would imagine that a gullible 13 year old would believe every word sadly.

ermwhatda · 26/09/2019 19:45

this is disgusting. this is grooming. no way should a 13 year old be exposed to such utter, ugly, nonsense.

encouraging under 16's to commit sexual acts is illegal.

Krisskrosskiss · 26/09/2019 19:48

I'm of the school of thought that it's better to have all the information as soon as possible. Anal sex is a common sex act now days and I do feel it's better for teens to have info on it.
I first tried it at about 16, I dodnt have any info on it and it was terrible... and this was over 15 years ago. It's not a new thing. I think if i had had more info on it I might not have agreed to trying it tbh!

I tried it again years later equipped with better info but I still did not like it so it's not something I ever do now... so this is not coming from someone who thinks it's great or anything!
It is common that girls will hear about it in their teens though... and the only way to combat that is to give clear factual advice as soon as possible like with any other sex act... do that they understand... and also to encourage boys and girls to always expect mutual pleasure from any sex act they engage in... and to instill the confidence in them that if something makes them uncomfortable or they dont like the idea of something, that they should never feel pressured into doing it.
I really dont think you foster the confidence to make clear choices and assess how they really feel about anything they may be asked to do etc, by keeping them in the dark about it.

Charley50 · 26/09/2019 19:49

"I am 47 and have managed to have a satisfying healthy sex life for nearly 30 yrs while blissfully ignorant of many of the practices promoted to 13 yr old on that website. Girls are being taught that pornified sex where girls are just receptacles for men's pleasure is the norm. This is grooming."

Was going to say exactly the same thing, except I'm 49. I've had a brilliant sex and orgasms, with quite a lot of people, mainly men but a few women, without doing anything particularly extreme.

Also, I taught myself to masturbate, didn't need lessons from adults. Gross. Grooming.

ShawshanksRedemption · 26/09/2019 19:50

@titchy Check the backgrounds of those involved.

Like the NHS, Uni and County Council?

Some people have said there's some bloke behind this - who is this bloke? And how has he got the above all hoodwinked to provide this site?

OrchidInTheSun · 26/09/2019 19:52

@LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses / do you think 13 year olds need to be told that porn is fine and that fisting is normal? Really?

Krisskrosskiss · 26/09/2019 19:53

@Charley50 that's good for you. But from the other side of it... I'm in my mid thirties and I honestly did not even know women could orgasm until I lost my virginity at 16... I was beyond clueless about sex... which was actually quite dangerous. I'd never masturbated or anything before then... I knew vaguely what sex was of course but mostly in terms of male anatomy and 'use protection'... nothing about any ways of having sex or female pleasure

HandsOffMyRights · 26/09/2019 20:02

And how has he got the above all hoodwinked to provide this site?

Adult grooming is easily done. Savile, Harris did it. So did PIE.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-26352378

PIE managed to gain support from some professional bodies and progressive groups. It received invitations from student unions, won sympathetic media coverage and found academics willing to push its message.

Vulpine · 26/09/2019 20:08

Why would any 16 year old really want to have anal sex. I was still a virgin then.

Krisskrosskiss · 26/09/2019 20:18

Well it turns out not all 16 year olds are the same... many ARE having sex at that age.. and many are quite interested in new things which seem exciting... I certainly was and as I said perhaps I would not have been as willing if I'd had accurate info, or perhaps anal might not have been the horror it was if id had more accurate info... either way.. just because some 16 year olds are not remotely interested in having sex yet does not mean any information,action should be withheld. Giving information is not the same as putting pressure on anyone.. saying something is within the realms of 'normal' sexual behaviour is not putting pressure on anyone.
That's not to say teens dont face pressure... but the face pressure with or without this information and I'd personally prefer that they have it in order to make better informed decisions.

HandsOffMyRights · 26/09/2019 20:33

But this isn't information - it's a perv's wet dream.
Also, you keep mentioning 16.
This 'advice' is targeted at 13 plus.
It's content is vile for both ages and as parents we should be very concerned.

I have two thirteen year olds. They still play with toys.

This also reminds me of Peter Tatchell and Stephen Fry's attempts to normalise the removal of boundaries/lowering age of consent.

Datun · 26/09/2019 20:35

Giving information is not the same as putting pressure on anyone.. saying something is within the realms of 'normal' sexual behaviour is not putting pressure on anyone.

Fisting, felching, faece play is not normal. Neither is anal, if you are taking normal as usual. The overwhelming number of girls say they don't want it. The overwhelming number of boys say they will pressure girls anyway.

Sex education should reflect this. Not promote pornography.

MoodyBitch · 26/09/2019 20:36

Information is good.
However the wrong type of information is dangerous.
What possible reason would a 13 year old need to know about anal and fisting?
Believe it or not, anal and fisting aren't as common as you seem to think, except in porn.
Quite frankly, if a bloke wanted to shove his arm upto his elbow in my chuff like I'm a farm yard animal, I would kick his balls so hard they would be mating with his colon.
Anal, fisting, strangulation, S&M etc belong to the more hardcore sexual acts, not normal common sex.
There are certain sexual acts that a 13 year old really don't need to know about.

ShawshanksRedemption · 26/09/2019 20:39

Who is this bloke @HandsOffMyRights ? The one who has apparently groomed people in the NHS, the Council and Uni?

On a website that also has CEOP on it? Or has be groomed them too?

truthisarevolutionaryact · 26/09/2019 20:42

Isn't one of the things about sex that ideally it's a progression - from the first holding hands, kisses, initial fantasies and consensual fumbling and develops from there. Why are we expecting 13 year olds to know about extreme sexual practices that many adults who are sexually active will never practice? It used to be that being able to warn someone pressurising an underage girl (or boy) for sex that it was illegal was helpful - an additional safeguard.
Of course the young are curious - but just because it is possible to do something doesn't mean that teenagers need earnest lessons from adults without boundaries. 13 year olds need to know that it's fine to say no, I'm too young. Can't believe that this even needs saying Sad

HandsOffMyRights · 26/09/2019 20:42

Yeh, because it's not like the NSPCC or other child protection organosations have ever been at the centre of safeguarding scandals

uncommongroundmedia.com/nspcc-employee-films-himself-masturbating-at-work/

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind · 26/09/2019 20:48

I'm of the school of thought that it's better to have all the information as soon as possible.

What, fisting and felching at 13?

Aye right..... Hmm

This is grooming in plain sight.

IAmALazyArse · 26/09/2019 20:49

Sex ed can't very well ignore anal though. It's important that gay boys get the proper information too to keep safe.

Charley50 · 26/09/2019 20:50

Truthis - exactly. Sexual awakening is meant to be a gradual process, not this.
I'm really shocked.

Putoutmoreflags · 26/09/2019 20:51

Oh Christ fuck and bollocks this is bad. Couldn’t get further than felching I’m afraid ( there’s a phrase I never thought I’d type).
In my late 30’s. Anal sex was not on my radar ( ditto felching) as a teen. Nor should it be.
This website is deeply worrying in that it seems to purvey sexuality through a pornified, and therefore mostly male lens. This shit show needs stopping.

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind · 26/09/2019 20:53

And the normalising of anal and other niche sex stuff, the 'negotiating' of sex, the idea that 12 year old girls are constantly masturbating to porn, telling girls that they need to 'have a think' about why they might not be comfortable being examined by a male.

It's all about eroding girls boundaries of what is normal.

Aaarrrgghhh!

ShawshanksRedemption · 26/09/2019 20:54

So you don't trust any authority then @HandsOffMyRights?

PeterRouseTheFleshofMankind · 26/09/2019 20:57

Sexual awakening is meant to be a gradual process, not this.

This. Kids are not supposed to be bombarded with this stuff all in one go - they are not equipped to deal with it.

When young teens (boys and girls) start masturbating etc, it's usually because they have discovered it feels nice. Obviously children know about sex by then, but it's all still (or should be) abstract at that point and gradually the link starts to be made. The idea that girls are madly masturbating to porn at 12 just sounds like something put of a paedo's wet dream.

12 year olds being exposed to porn is a safeguarding issue.

HandsOffMyRights · 26/09/2019 20:59

Don't forget Coprophilia, Peter!

Shawshank - I don't trust anybody who allows grooming like this to stand. Nor those who continue to defend it.

Krisskrosskiss · 26/09/2019 20:59

@Datun people used to say that about oral sex. I'm afraid what normal changes. Theres not the taboo there used to be about anal sex any more. Young people ARE trying it and do they do need accurate info on it. Sex ed is not there to tell people what to think is 'normal'or judge sex acts... it's there to give information about what they have gathered teens are actually doing with each other... and they need to do that as early as possible because innocence is not done kind of protection, it leave kids more at risk. Kids may start thinking about sex and having questions at that age... some kids even actually start having sex at that age... and again sex ed is not there to judge because that's not helpful... it's there to inform... I mean what would you have them say?

No one ever has sex before 16 and it's wrong if you do so we arent going to go into detail about anything until you are 16 (what if a child then does have sex before then but is too ashamed and scared to ask for help with any aspect like contraception, telling someone if they've been harmed etc? What if a child gets asked to do things and diesnt really understand what they are do agrees to them when really if they had known they wouldnt have?)
Anal sex is painful and wrong or not mentioning it at all (again similar issues, they may be exposed to it but not really understand what it is and end up doing this they font want to do. Then they may be unable to talk about it because its taboo. Or they may personally enjoy it but feel incredibly ashamed because they believe it's weird and supposed to be painful.)