Teen advice makes me worried

[ChipOnMyOvary]

I was reading this advice page for teenagers. AIBU to think it is a bit ott?
I find it a bit like girls are expected to put up with male mores. Am I a modern day Mary Whitehouse, or is this like actual grooming of pre-16 girls?

Teen pregnancy rates are decreasing - I believe there has been a decrease for 10 years running.

This is why rates of teenage pregnacies are so high, we are mot providing kids with sex education.

Interesting. Can you tell me how fisting, felching, recommending a career in the porn industry and teaching children how to get aroused by their own shit will reduce teenage pregnancy?

Other than put them off sex for life, of course. Then you might be onto something.

I haven't seen anything on that website that says that girls should give in to sexual demands.

Perhaps others could provide the link showing where it says that?

What I have read has been about consent, a link to the "Tea" cartoon about consent, and a whole lot more besides.

The website also says it was put together by various people, including NHS professionals, not just some random bloke.

I'm wondering is people are looking at the same website I am...

This website is aimed at children under the age of consent. It shouldn't be normalising porn, nor anal sex. Or telling girls that they need to think about resources when they ask for a female HCP.

This.

I haven't seen anything on that website that says that girls should give in to sexual demands.

The section that was called 'saying no' is now renamed to 'negotiating sex.' Sex should never be negotiated. If one party isn't sure, the answer is no, not to start a negotiation.

There is a section called Negotiating Sex @ShawshanksRedemption. Negotiation usually means that the parties involved are approaching an issue from different perspectives and are aiming to reach a compromise (or that one party achieves their aims with a degree of coercion over the other party).

Sex between young people shouldn't be something that needs negotiation.

Or what @titchy said much more succinctly!

Negotiating sex is perhaps an unfortunate title but the content in it is actually pretty good. And it's explained that the reason it's called that is because it's about talking about your own hopes and desires as well as just saying no to a proposition.

PositiveVibes: ...when I was a teen, it wouldn't have entered my head to let a boy shove his dick up my arse and actually nobody ever tried it with me.

It's the fact that it's almost expected now. It's grim as fuck.
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You're not kidding! I can't imagine why any woman would want that, so degrading and painful.

And it explains why the name's changed @titchy and @OrchidInTheSun

"This page used to be called ‘saying no’ however, after talking to you lot – we have changed it to a much more sex positive page called “negotiating sex”. You told us that actually you wanted information about not only ways to say no, but ways to say yes and tell your partner what you wanted to do too. Also you wanted some information about hearing no too."

You've assumed the negotiating is about coercing someone who has said no and that isn't what the section is about. The website content authors listened to what young people wanted to know and are giving them information they need to stay safe, including saying no, and for people to "hear" the word no. That no, means no.
respectyourself.info/sex/negotiating-sex/hearing-no/

Negotiating sex is perhaps an unfortunate title but the content in it is actually pretty good

Its not unfortunate atall!! Its wrong!

This is educating children,where words matter and experts have to speak clearly about their subject or they have it wrong.

Its not unfortunate, its dangerous and misleading. There should be no negotiation at all. You either want to or you don't.

DC are especially vulnerable to being swayed, and taking into account the reat of the context of that text, its really not unfortunate

Its deliberate,and dangerous porn

What is all this crap about ‘loving relationships’? You don’t have to be in one to enjoy or have good sex, FFS.

Well, I actually don't agree that negotiation isn't involved in healthy sex. One person says what they want, the other person says what they want, both talk about their desires and the other's desires and how they make them feels etc. Communication is important. I think communication would have been a better term than negotiation (because the latter suggests persuasion), but if you actually read the page then it's clear that that is what is meant is simply that both partners are able to discuss sex before deciding whether it happens, which I think is absolutely crucial.

The 'random bloke' wrote all those pages @ShawshanksRedemption. The whole thing is aimed at heterosexual boys. There is nothing in there about why you might want to say no, how a boy might react, what to do if you're scared or worried or changing your mind. It's all about the other person changing their mind.

And while it says that the age you are legally allowed to have sex is 16, this whole site is aimed at under 16s. So it's just a tick box.

"You either want to or you don't."

And this seems wrong to me. The idea that two people should just separately decide whether they do or don't have sex, as if sex is a light switch and the only options are on or off,and there's no point having any kind of discussion before becoming intimate is blatantly unhealthy.

So he feels the need to explain the bartholins glands are what makes "girls nice and wet" and explain what "arabian goggles" is? Urgh. YANBU

Ringdonna - of course, 13 year olds should just shag about randomly. It's a healthy thing for pubescent children to do

I am over 60 and I have never heard of a woman who wanted anal sex.
This is teaching girls to help boys....wrong wrong wrong

I am pretty sure the question about anal from screenshot goes through heads of young gay boys though...

So how come it says this @OrchidInTheSun ?
"... this site has been put together with a lot of thought, care and attention by Warwickshire County Council’s Respect Yourself Campaign Team in partnership with NHS Warwickshire, Coventry University and with a huge input from young people themselves."

There is a whole section that talks about consent. Can you quote anything that shows it's all about the other person changing their mind?
The whole site is not aimed at under 16s. It is aimed at 13+. Therefore includes 16 year olds and older in that.

I get that you don't think under 16s need to know any of this, but the problem with that is it's ignoring the kids who are asking these questions. I feel it's reasonable and responsible that the council have created this website to answer the Qs that young people have asked. It's better than getting it incorrectly via rumour from mates.

Ring. Are you saying that we need to guide dc into having under age sex, by negotiation, and anal, with complete strangers?

Do you think its wise guidance for dc to have sex underage with strangers. To be intimate, when they don't know a person, and can't possibly have built up any trust with them. To expose themselves intimately with complete randoms?

With if that isn't in direct conflict with safeguarding I don't know what is.

How appalling.

It's better than getting it incorrectly via rumour from mates.

God yes! I remember few "What? That doesn't work like I heard" moments.

It's irrelevant who it's been put together by, it could have been put together by the queen for all I care.
It's a disgusting piece of filth and certainly not a piece of literature that I would give my kids to read.

No girl should have to expect that this will be expected of her.

Frankly, the women who have told me they've had anal have been in very unequal relationships, shall we say.

If a young girl was asked if she liked things being poked up her bum, it would be wholly repugnant to her. If she did, I would suspect issues around abuse, with good reason.

No,no,no

Boys should not expect they need to do this either, a this stupid banter around what they 'do' to girls is repugnant and is driven by porn.

Warwickshire county council shame on you allowing this kind of message, all under the umbrella of, this is what you asked for.

So, if that is valid reason, should we be telling them how to build bombs, where to find drugs, etc.?

How to nearly suffocate girls?

Where is the line anymore? Is there even one?

Anal is very risky and causes serious harm,where does it say that?

Who cares if it for over 16's, what a ridiculous argument. Its directed at those as young as 13 and instead of raising alarm that a 12 yr old is obsessively masturbating, its condoned! Nay, encouraged.

What is wrong with the child? For a child she is.

If resources is your concern, using a female doctor for non intimate examination means a second member of staff isn't needed a chaperone. Every time I've been examined by a male doctor who needs to do so much as look at my stomach/chest he has asked a female nurse or HCA to come in. A female doctor has never. So asking for a female would actually be less wasteful of resources, as I am sure the nurse/HCA has other things to do too.