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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
Roozy123 · 25/09/2019 21:53

It's your dog... you pay for the bill.

If you and your husband keep going through this then put the dog in "doggy day care" ... So it's also you two that haven't learnt from her "previous mistakes" either to keep letting her look after the dog!?

Chocolatedaim · 25/09/2019 21:54

You pay the bill but I wouldn’t be paying for damage to her belongings. I would also be finding doggy daycare ASAP!

LolaSmiles · 25/09/2019 21:57

Your dog so you should pay

However I think she should morally be offering to pay as it's her refusal to be responsible despite guidance that caused the situation.

Ultimately it sounds like MIL liked the idea of a dog, thinks she can borrow your dog for all the fun things she wants from a dog but without the responsibility. Obviously, if you agree to look after a dog then you should be taking appropriate precautions and safety measures.

I'd use proper day care in future and I just hope she doesn't decide to get her own dog.

Catapillarsruletheworld · 25/09/2019 21:59

It’s your naughty dog. She’s kindly looking after it and saving you money for the most part.

You should pay and apologise that your dog is such a pain.

LolaSmiles · 25/09/2019 22:04

Catapillarsruletheworld
Even the most well behaved dogs will chew things and get into food if they're left lying around.
Part of being responsible is not leaving shit lying around the place when there is a dog present. I lost a pair of slippers when our dog was younger. They'd taken one outside and it was chewed and got rained on and covered in mud. The dog wasn't naughty. They got a bit bored as a puppy and entertained themselves using something I shouldn't have left lying around

doublesheesh · 25/09/2019 22:20

To everyone saying that the OP should pay for all vet bills, what if Doggy daycare were negligent and this resulted in the dog being injured or poisoned. Would you still expect the OP to pay the vet bill or would you expect Doggy daycare to? What if someone else's dog savaged your dog? Who should cover the vet bills? It's not always the pet owner who pays. If the MIL is acting negligently then perhaps it is not unreasonable to ask that she covers the bill this time. Perhaps that would make her stop and think a little. Consequences and all.

LolaSmiles · 25/09/2019 22:26

doublesheesh
That's why I've said morally the MIL should be offering and insisting to cover it (and presumably they feel guilty for their own irresponsible actions and the consequences).

I would absolutely expect doggy daycare to pay if their negligence caused an issue with my dog, but the MIL isn't doggy daycare.
When you start accepting favours from friends and family on these things you're essentially compromising the cost savings of regular daycare/doggy daycare with the fact that you're not getting someone who is properly trained, risk assessed, insured and so on.
Eg our dog sitter is fully trained in different dog areas and has animal first aid as well as all their house inspections and insurance, the council also inspect regularly and so on, but when I look after a relative's dog with mine for a few weekend I don't have all that.

The MIL has proven on multiple occasions that she isn't a responsible dog sitter so I think the OP has been naive or foolish to continue with an arrangement where their chosen minder has shown they don't out safeguards in place.

Roozy123 · 25/09/2019 22:28

@doublesheesh yes.. consequences...

This is a consequence from leaving your dog with someone you ALREADY know isn't listening to protecting the house for the dog yet, still taking the dog over to be looked after!?
This is now the consequence of that.

Roozy123 · 25/09/2019 22:29

The MIL has proven on multiple occasions that she isn't a responsible dog sitter so I think the OP has been naive or foolish to continue with an arrangement where their chosen minder has shown they don't out safeguards in place.
Exactly!

Glitteryone · 25/09/2019 22:30

I would pay the vet bill and then get a professional dog sitter

Wizzbangpop · 25/09/2019 22:59

This is one of those rare occasions where I am actually on the fence and couldn’t actually choose between yabu & yanbu

Yanbu because she should have puppy proofed her house especially after you’d advised her to and you had ask her if she was coping with hector ok

Yabu because it is your dog and how you train him and it’s your vet bill. But can see why you are a bit miffed that you are having to cough up the bill.

On the whole yanbu i think. Hope Hector feels better soon 🐾

Helendee · 25/09/2019 23:01

DH and I are childminders and look after 6 under twos everyday; they seem a lot less trouble than ‘Hector’!
OP advise MIL to register as a childminder instead, much less bother.

couldntcareless · 25/09/2019 23:11

Eh he's your dog, pay the bill.

If you're not happy with MIL looking after him then put him in doggy daycare regardless of how much MIL enjoys having him.

LolaSmiles · 25/09/2019 23:13

Helendee
Whereas (probably unfairly) I can't help but think MIL would be one of those people who leaves pan handles hanging over counter tops, plug sockets on and not covered, electrical leads within grabbing distance, choking hazards lying around because it wouldn't have crossed her mind they'd be an issue for a toddler.

Grin

I'm sure I'm being a bit unfair there, but i never understand why people are meticulous about safety for a child, but then seem to think that an animal that's just as unpredictable, if not more, should be left with access to everything and expect nothing to happen. It's really illogical.

PickAChew · 25/09/2019 23:17

Might be your dog but your MIL was the careless one. Why should you forfeit your exces, if there is one?

YobaOljazUwaque · 25/09/2019 23:18

The vet bill is your problem unfortunately but the cost of damage done to items which should never have got within reach of a puppy is entirely your MIL's problem and she needs to swallow those costs. Also you are going to need to start paying for doggy day care as your MIL is sadly not capable of providing a safe and appropriate environment. Your MIL's hurty feelings are less important than your dog's actual health and safety.

Mumofboth · 25/09/2019 23:23

And this is why I paid a nursery instead of taking up my parents and in-laws offer to look after my children 😂 It’s the same principle. I’d be furious at having to pay for my MILs mistake which also made my dog ill. Make arrangements with someone qualified to deal with your dog.

Helendee · 25/09/2019 23:24

LolaSmiles
You could well be right there but we have to attend safe guarding courses, have regular inspections by Ofsted, do risk assessments etc so at least she wouldn’t have an excuse for it. Smile

CSIblonde · 26/09/2019 00:44

Pay to puppy proof her home with those child proof things for cupboard doors etc. And yes you pay vet bills. But it sounds like she's not very responsible & he could swallow something again so I'd look for a dog walker to walk him.

GreatBigNoise · 26/09/2019 02:35

To everyone saying that the OP should pay for all vet bills, what if Doggy daycare were negligent and this resulted in the dog being injured or poisoned. Would you still expect the OP to pay the vet bill or would you expect Doggy daycare to?

I'd expect the doggy daycare pay. They are a business and you would be paying them. Completely different from the OPs situation.

HappyBumbleBee · 26/09/2019 04:09

If your dog were in doggy day care it would be their responsibility to pay for any vet bills of he got injured/sick due to their establishment etc etc
The problem here lies with the fact it's your mil and it's on a favour/unpaid basis which is why I feel you should pay the bill.
However - as she enjoys looking after him so much you need to sit down and explain that as she hasn't taken your advice or any action in puppy proofing her home, you are now going to have to look elsewhere as you simply can't run the risk of your dog getting sick again & you cannot afford another unexpected vet bill!
You may find she has finally learnt her lesson x

HappyBumbleBee · 26/09/2019 04:12

Not that you should pay but I don't really think you've got any choice but to pay.

Mothership4two · 26/09/2019 04:47

@CuriousaboutSamphire

If bill is £hundreds and excess means it's not worth claiming, it sounds a bit pointless having this insurance. I would change policies.

Mothership4two · 26/09/2019 04:49

To everyone saying that the OP should pay for all vet bills, what if Doggy daycare were negligent and this resulted in the dog being injured or poisoned. Would you still expect the OP to pay the vet bill or would you expect Doggy daycare to?

Doggy daycare, it will be in their contract

Mothership4two · 26/09/2019 04:55

If OP expects mil to pay some/all bill, then mil could expect to be paid for backdated daycare.