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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that we shouldn’t have to pay MIL back

273 replies

Alohabelle · 25/09/2019 08:37

DH and I have a dog (let’s call him Hector) which MIL looks after for two days in the week when I’m at work (I’m part time). This arrangement came about because MIL offered. She had recently retired at 55 and had intended to get a dog of her own, so said this would work perfectly. She’s just down the road, so we take Hector to her in the mornings and pick up after work in the afternoon. Technically he’s still a puppy (just over 1yo) so there has been the odd issue over the last year at MIL’s with shoes and other possessions which have been left within reach being chewed. Initially we compensated MIL for the damaged items as we felt responsible, but as time went on it was starting to become costly and we discussed the importance of puppy proofing, which has worked for us as we have never any damage at our home. Items continued to be damaged as a result of MIL leaving cupboards open, boxes of things on the floor etc. and we've felt more reluctant to continue paying for replacements despite MIL’s hints. We’ve asked MIL whether she’s finding the dog too much as we can revert to doggy day care, but MIL claims that she absolutely loves having the Hector and would be upset if those plans changed.

The other day MIL had forgotten that she’d left a kitchen cupboard open and had gone out in the garden. She came inside and realised that Hector had eaten the food in the cupboard and needed emergency attention at the vets. The bill was in the hundreds which MIL is asking us to pay for. Our insurance excess doesn’t warrant claiming and we are very reluctant to pay, as in our view this caused as a result of MILs error and she doesn’t seem to be learning from previous mistakes.

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector, but MIL offered, we didn’t ask. AIBU in thinking we still shouldn’t have to financially compensate MIL for damage and vets bills when she has failed to ‘dog proof’ her home?

OP posts:
20viona · 25/09/2019 13:21

Also agree that she clearly isn't willing to puppy proof and can't look after him properly.

BanditoShipman · 25/09/2019 13:27

We had similar situation but with a kennels. They left a lead hanging where our dog could reach it. She ate the whole thing and nearly died (luckily didn’t), it got wrapped all around her insides. Vets bill was nearly £1000. The kennels paid it as they were at fault. I understand that wasn’t family but still...

Also, next time she could leave something out that could seriously harm/kill him

RIpWalter · 25/09/2019 13:29

Another vote for pay the bill and find doggy daycare.

As for people questioning the cost. My dog ate a toadstool, it was a Sunday (typical) so out of hours fees added, a consultation with poison database and whilst waiting for them to get back to the vets he was given drugs to induce vomiting. Fortunately poison line were happy from the photo I took that the toadstool wasn't particularly dangerous and vomiting had been induced quickly enough, so he didn't need any more supportive care (or fluids, overnight stay etc). Even so it came to £100! Bloody dogs!!

Someonesayroadtrip · 25/09/2019 13:31

You dog your vets bill. But, I wouldn't be replacing whatever it is he ate, she does need to take responsibility for leaving things around, but vets bill is on you I'm afraid.

ImagineRainbows · 25/09/2019 13:31

You need to find a doggy day care. She may like looking after Hector but if she can’t stop him accessing dangerous items that landed him being seen by an emergency vet she’s clearly not fit to. This is about more than money, he could eat something that could be fatal due to her failure to puppy proof / supervise.

AltheaVestr1t · 25/09/2019 13:34

Definitely your vet bill.

clarinstunic · 25/09/2019 13:35

Your dog had to have treatment at the vets because she let him eat something dangerous and you’re quibbling about money?

She’s a liability. Pay her what you owe and find someone who isn’t careless to look after your dog.

Jollitwiglet · 25/09/2019 13:41

You need to stop letting her take care of your dog. You should pay the vet bill as you knew she wasn't making her home safe for your dog, but continued sending your dog anyway.

This time it sounds like it was just food the dog ate, so I imagine the vet was able to make the dog sick, give meds for the tummy if needed and fluids if particularly bad? What if next time its non food stuff that is eaten? Something that gets stuck and requires surgery? It's your responsibility to ensure your dog is safe, and keep sending your dog there is irresponsible

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 25/09/2019 13:42

She is very lucky that he found a food cupboard open and not the cupboard under the sink with bleach and detergents. This could have been so much worse for poor Hector.
I would have said, puppy proof the house yourself, fit cupboard closeers and child locks but She doesn't listen, she refuses to change anything and she keeps on doing it, You are putting your dog at risk by leaving him there with her. Its not about her being upset because she would miss him, its about the animal's safety.
If he has medical insurance I can't see what the quibble is about? Why would you expect her to pay if he's covered? pay the vet and then find someone more reliable to look after him. He can still visit to say hello.

lovemenorca · 25/09/2019 13:57

I read OPs like this and I feel renewed love for friends and family

Actionhasmagic · 25/09/2019 14:02

Yabu about the vets bill but if it happens again say you think it’s better taking him to daycare as ta costing to much all these replacements

IncrediblySadToo · 25/09/2019 14:27

I disagree with the vast majority!

HER stupidity, HER bill.

If I was looking after someone else’s dog, I’d be mortified that I’d allowed it to eat something it shouldn’t. I’d be bloody believed it hadn’t died and I’d certainly be paying the bill for MY mistake! And that’s before you consider how reluctant she’s been even to o us Plymouth proof he really House.

If he was mine, there’s no way I’d be leaving him there with her, she can’t keep him safe, let alone anything else.

beachysandy81 · 25/09/2019 14:28

She is doing you a 'favour' so you can't really make her pay, however as she is not looking after your dog well I would change to doggy day care.

You might be saving money now, but all the extra costs of damage to her house and possessions, plus the vets bills, must be adding up. If your dog end up dying as a result of something she has done wrong you will have paid the ultimate price.

tvdinnertracks · 25/09/2019 14:33

Read the fucking thread people!

Op has said she's being unreasonable and will both pay and out the dog in daycare.

GPatz · 25/09/2019 15:08

'She is doing you a 'favour'

I'd say it's the other way round. OP suggested new daycare, MIL said she would be upset if that happened.

Newbiemumsy66 · 25/09/2019 15:14

I think you should end the arrangement or ask you MIL to be more careful again- give her an ultimatum. DH is right in that you have saved yourself hundreds in doggy day care so I would pay her back this time and take it on the chin.

Witchinaditch · 25/09/2019 15:14

Yabvu of course you should pay!! You would have to pay for damage at doggy day care also, maybe look into training classes.

SavingSpaces2019 · 25/09/2019 16:07

DH has pointed out how much money we save on day care by MIL having Hector
How much extra have you spent on 'compensating' MIL for her refusal to actually BE responsible for the dog whilst in her care?
I think MIL sees this as a good way to get you to pay for her bits n bobs that need replacing.

She should be paying half the vets bill and any other associated costs related to the puppy behaving like a puppy does when left unsupervised in her care.

I'd also arrange for the dog to either go into daycare or get a professional dog sitter.
Both your DH and MIL are making a fool out of you.

Joe2019 · 25/09/2019 16:15

@IncrediblySadToo I agree. We paid the vet bill when a dog we were looking after became injured. It was mostly our fault and we were very very upset our negligence led to the injury. We also declined to look after the dog again!

paxillin · 25/09/2019 16:54

So this is not a spoof then?

NicolaStart · 25/09/2019 18:14

If she is reluctant, you need to pay.

However in her shoes I would be mortified that I had allowed the dog to come to such harm and the least I could do would be to pay.

As Hector is clearly .... spirited... he seems likely to have other scrapes. Would it be worth paying for insurance with a lower excess? Pointless paying for insurance you don’t use because if the excess.

sprite25 · 25/09/2019 21:07

Sorry I know this isn't the point of the Op but am I the only one who's never heard of such a ridiculous thing as 'doggy daycare'?! 😂

PuppyMonkey · 25/09/2019 21:15

@sprite25 probably not as ridiculous as just, you know, leaving a dog alone all day if the owners are working.Confused

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 25/09/2019 21:21

My dog goes to daycare most days. There are tons near me. I never thought it was weird.

HeckyPeck · 25/09/2019 21:49

If I was looking after someone else’s dog, I’d be mortified that I’d allowed it to eat something it shouldn’t. I’d be bloody believed it hadn’t died and I’d certainly be paying the bill for MY mistake!

Same here!

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