To have hit her on the back of the leg with my hairbrush

[shesgrownhorns]

Dd10, is angling for a day off. I gave her the day off on Monday because she was surrounded by snot rags and was hoarse. Some would've dosed her up and sent her in, but I'm a softie. She knows this and is today clearly swinging the lead. After listening to her loudly complaining while I'm trying to dry my hair I stopped the hairdryer and said 'You're not having a day off'. She KICKED ME and started to flounce off. I (still holding round spiky brush) swiftly administered a hard rap to her calf region using my brush. Screaming ensued. I told her she'd asked for it and that's what happens when you kick people. She didn't kick hard, but I don't think that's the point.

It's not very right on and I know I'll get flamed, but WIBU?

I wonder why this child thought kicking anyone was an acceptable thing to do? Perhaps she considers physical aggression to be totally normal? Maybe the apple didn’t fall far from the tree...

I love that the general consensus is that an adult hitting a child under any circumstances is child abuse. I was beaten as a young girl and it damaged me forever.

OP take your daughter out for lunch and talk to her about why she doesn't want to go to school. Have a discussion and agree to not hit each other from now on.

@Contraceptionismyfriend

You can call the child names all your want but if referred to children’s services, they would make further enquiries. I doubt many people would active invite this into their homes. 🤷🏻‍♀️

And? It would never go anywhere. It would never get past an initial contact.

She was a brat. If my kid kicked me I'd ensure they were miserable. I wouldn't knowingly hit them. In gut their room, make life hell for a bit.

But if I'd instinctively reacted like the Op I'd tell them it was their fault.

If my child went out into the world and kicked someone without provocation and then cake crying to me that that person had hurt them I'd laugh and ask them what they expected to happen.

As a social worker, an attitude like ”she’s a brat” would ring alarm bells. You’d be ok with a file opened on your child and your family, would you? You’d not be bothered if the school or GP was aware? I’ve seen immense stress at an initial contact visit even if it closes thing straight again. As a parent, I, too, wouldn’t like the idea of my children having any information on our system and I work in it! It’d set up a lot of anxiety.

Some teenagers are brats. She kicked her mother who was not engaging. What would you call that?

Is it something I'd willingly sign up to? No.

Is it something that I would be shaking in my boots about if it did happen? No.

So what the Dr etc sees. I'm there for a specific issue it would have zero baring.

Also this isn't a 4 year old.
She's 10. A pre teen in a healthy home. SS are leaving kids with junkies. I think one mother saying she's being a brat at the moment isn't going to have any worries.

Social services can’t tell you how to discipline your child - of course within reason.

Beating her half to death will obviously warrant SS getting involved and escalating things, but a tap on the leg ? An isolated incident which was a natural reaction caused by OP’s daughter kicking her....I hardly think it’s the crime of the century.

Parents are too scared to ‘Parent’ these days and sorry but I feel like sometimes that’s what causes children to act out and show no respect.

@CTRL

I can and have (prior to moving jobs) phoned to make enquiries about one off events - a parent being arrested in front of the child for a domestic or a parent hitting a child with an implement. It’s not all about head wounds and broken limbs. No, we don’t run to court for an emergency order but if you think we don’t contact you and possibly visit, also potentially contact the school and GP, you’d be very wrong.

I don’t see what you did wrong. She was cheeky and kicked you - how dare she !?!

You are supposed to teach her.

Op, talk about it, show her how you overcome a mistake. A good lesson.

Do you think you’ll do it again? If yes, get therapy .

OP did teach her.
If you randomly assault someone. Expect them to react.

If OP has gotten to 10 without smacking her child before I doubt she needs therapy

some teenagers are brats. She kicked her mother who was not engaging

Well 10 years old is not a teenager for a start. And maybe the physical aggression is learnt behaviour? Better to bring kids up with no examples violence or aggression. I find it very hard to believe a child would suddenly out of the blue do something like this at the age of 10......

Well, my gran used to follow my mum and aunt to the stairs and hit them on the back of the legs with the humid teacloth she was using, once for every step. They survived. I would'nt worry, taught her she one day might kick the wrong person and wished she handn't.

Pre teen. Go to any part of Mumsnet plenty of people bitching about their pre teen kids making their lives hell.

The DD lashes out in anger. She got to big for her boots and got taken down a peg. She's lucky it happened with her mother who wouldn't over react.

I'm quite surprised at the amount of PPs mentioning child protection and social services, both of those have far more serious cases to deal with than minor things like this.

Don't worry OP, we all make mistakes. I guess I look at it differently because I'm in the age group that sometimes did (very) occasionally get a smack and the only times I remember where from when I was a teenager.

Surprised that your DD feels it's ok to kick you though, at 10. You need to sit down and talk where you can both apologise and move on.

It would never go anywhere. It would never get past an initial contact.

You don't know that. You don't know what might come up when they do their lateral checks for starters. There may well be other issues because very often when a parent resorts to hitting their child with an implement there are other issues at play.

she got too big for her boots she got taken down a peg

Or she simply learnt that she needs to use a weapon next time.... When parents react with violence they need to accept the possibility that is may escalate the child's behaviour at some point.
I remember the last time my mum hit me was when I was 12 and suddenly as big as her, and threatened to punch her in the face if she ever dreamed of hitting me again. Part of me feels ashamed and another part thinks well she was the adult who should have known better, so maybe she brought that on herself?

missyB1 you have nothing to be ashamed of. She was the adult, she should have known better and you deserved better. I work with a lot of kids who have experienced physical abuse and one of the worst things about it is that so often they blame themselves.

We have to believe the facts that the op has stated, it was a one off incident, nothing to get excited about and call ss, they have real abuse to deal with, to imply that this is abuse is quite frankly hysterical thinking and insulting to real child abuse victims.
The ops DD is a tween, if she’s anything like I was at 10 then she’s full of hormones and rebellion already. Op was drying her hair, I can imagine the DD kicked her mother to get her full attention over the noise of the dryer rather than a full on physical attack.

I suffered abuse at the hands of my mother and I'm not offended by calling this abuse.

I suspect most of the people that have suffered physical abuse as children would also agree that hitting a ten year old hard with an implement is not ok.

windandme I had more than a few clouts off of my mother as a child and a teen, the last time my mother hit me was when I was 15 and had skipped school, it was a belter round the face. I do not class my mother as abusive, it was different times, I was born in 76. It would be classed as abusive these days. My mother hitting me has not damaged me in any way. What op did to her DD as a one off incident likely to never be repeated is not abuse.

I think all opinions have been said on here but I did wanna say that if you genuinely are worried about her being in an abusive relationship that my dad used to smack me and I think my mam has aswell, I’ve never been in an abusive relationship and the one time a man went to punch me I left and never went back.

You are being unreasonable but It sounds like maybe you know that.

Doesn't matter if she lashed out first, doesn't matter if it was hard or soft, doesn't matter if it was hand or a hairbrush, it's never ok to lash out at a child.

My parents smacked me and all it taught me was fear and that grown ups hit.

Children learn everything about who they are and how to move through the world from the example they are given. remember that next time you have the urge to hit the child.

”I'm quite surprised at the amount of PPs mentioning child protection and social services, both of those have far more serious cases to deal with than minor things like this. Don't worry OP, we all make mistakes. I guess I look at it differently because I'm in the age group that sometimes did (very) occasionally get a smack and the only times I remember where from when I was a teenager.”

I am a social worker with previous child protection experience. It absolutely would involve a follow up phone call and possibly a home visit, depending on other factors. It is unlikely to go further than that for a one-off incident in an otherwise loving home but I was explaining it is taken seriously to those who seem to think it’s acceptable. I don’t think the OP deserves the level vitriol somehave levelled at her and I’m a parent, so I know we do make errors in judgement but many people are excusing it.