Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have hit her on the back of the leg with my hairbrush

303 replies

shesgrownhorns · 25/09/2019 08:12

Dd10, is angling for a day off. I gave her the day off on Monday because she was surrounded by snot rags and was hoarse. Some would've dosed her up and sent her in, but I'm a softie. She knows this and is today clearly swinging the lead. After listening to her loudly complaining while I'm trying to dry my hair I stopped the hairdryer and said 'You're not having a day off'. She KICKED ME and started to flounce off. I (still holding round spiky brush) swiftly administered a hard rap to her calf region using my brush. Screaming ensued. I told her she'd asked for it and that's what happens when you kick people. She didn't kick hard, but I don't think that's the point.

It's not very right on and I know I'll get flamed, but WIBU?

OP posts:
ThighThighOfthigh · 26/09/2019 07:40

I hit my eldest when he was 12 after he had driven me mad with rudeness. He still bring it up and he's 29. You'll hear about this for the rest of your life.

Pinkyyy · 26/09/2019 07:43

@40ThighThighOfthigh I doubt it, there's a difference. You hit as a form of punishment, the OP hit as a form of retaliation to being kicked. She has not scarred her daughter for life and I wish people would stop saying this.

ThighThighOfthigh · 26/09/2019 10:10

I'm not saying she'll be scarred for life, but they go on about it and it comes up at least once a year.

Pinkyyy · 26/09/2019 13:35

In your experience, yes. But your situation was completely different.

Embracelife · 26/09/2019 14:46

Self defence is a defence in law
Retaliation is not

She hits you hit she hits you hit
Where does it end?

Teach something different so the teen years dont get worse

Streamside · 26/09/2019 14:51

I've never slapped my children ever but she made a mistake and so did you.You're the adult, sit down and talk it through with her. I'm sure social services have other things to be getting on with and you should use this as a learning point.Parenting's tough.

BenjiB · 26/09/2019 14:59

I’m just shocked she kicked you! I have no idea what I would have done in that situation but I know I’d be absolutely livid if one of mine even went to kick me!

Justaboy · 27/09/2019 13:14

How to control teenagers, or so it says;!.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-49841625

femfemlicious · 27/09/2019 13:27

This is the wrongest place to ask this...you will get a lot of hysterical answers that your child will become a serial killer because of this . Worry not...

BrokenWing · 27/09/2019 13:49

You've made it to 10 without hitting her before, you've both apologised, move on.

But don't forget it, she will be a teen before you know it and will push your buttons even more, start working/practising on keeping your composure when she is losing hers. Discuss and help her to find techniques for ways to deal her anger too.

From a very young age if ds(now 15) lost it he was sat on the stair "to calm down then we can talk", that has progressed over the years and now if he is really frustrated or angry at a situation he will walk away for a few minutes, or even just a few seconds before coming back to deal with it a bit more composed (thankfully as he 5ft 10in and I suspect a kick would hurt!!).

I make sure he knows I understand by saying, I can see you don't want to/aren't happy..... We occasionally talk about how he is going through so many changes it's normal to get over emotional at times and I do understand that and will try to help him, but anger will only make a tough situation worse and is less likely to change the outcome.

Answerthequestion · 27/09/2019 13:56

Oh god I'm in turmoil over what to do for the best now. Have I damaged her forever? Will she get into an abusive relationship? I'm so worried now

Don’t be ridiculous, it wasn’t wise but it was a knee jerk reaction and will not condemn her to a life of violence or in care. You’ve got the hystericals out in force today. Just be more aware of yourself and don’t do it again but honestly, it’s just not the end of the world in any way

Smurfie12 · 27/09/2019 14:10

In my opinion you don't do anything to fix the damage. Your daughter lashed out in frustration to you, you did the correct thing by showing here that her actions had repercussions. Did you daughter apologise to you 1st for kicking you or did you cave and apologise.

She needs a sharp shock to remind her that you are her mum and that what you says goes, hopefully the tap on the leg will have done that job.

CTRL · 27/09/2019 14:13

Hunni
Word of advice. Don’t EVER ask a question like this on here. EVERYONE will tell you you were wrong and a bad mum and blah blah blah Hmm

I don’t see what you did wrong. She was cheeky and kicked you - how dare she !?! A tap on the back of her leg is nothing compared to what she would have gotten had this been the 60’s...and I can guarantee even if mumsnetters on here tell you it’s wrong; half the mums on here would and most likely have already done something similar.

CTRL · 27/09/2019 14:14

Sorry but how dare she kick you - I’m never one to condone ‘Violence’ Hmm but how does a tap on the back of her leg classify as violence !?!

Pfft - the ignorance

CTRL · 27/09/2019 14:15

People get stabbed and beaten everyday around the world - that’s violence.

Disciplining your child isn’t.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/09/2019 14:24

@CTRL
Since when was a hard rap a tap? Confused

CTRL · 27/09/2019 14:26

Does your daughter display signs of ‘violence’ often OP ?

DishingOutDone · 27/09/2019 14:29

God this thread is a nightmare, people calling the OP "Hunni" FFS and now we've got CTRL - what a funster Hmm

The OP knows she was in the wrong, however we all know SS aren't going to come round and cart her away. Are we not done here now?

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 27/09/2019 14:30

Some very weird people on here. Of course the school won't phone the police or SS. Get a grip people.

I love it when people speak with such authority on things they clearly know absolutely nothing about Hmm
I'm a safeguarding lead in a School. If a child discloses to me that an adult hit them with an implement I have to report it to Children's Services, regardless of the circumstances. I have absolutely no choice in the matter because in the UK it is a criminal offence to hit a child with anything other than your bare hand or to hit them so hard that it leaves a visible mark. It would then be flagged up to the Police automatically as they are part of the Multi-agency Safeguarding Hub where SS referrals are triaged but they would be very unlikely to take any action in the case described in the OP. Instead they would leave it in the hands of children's services, who would most likely send a social worker out to the school to interview OP's DD and what they decided to do next would depend on what she had to say, whether anything else was flagged up in their lateral checks (previous referrals, concerns from HCP's, DV alerts that sort of thing), whether any other concerns were expressed by school (such as poor presentation, low attendance, unexplained injuries etc) and whether there were visible marks/bruises present. It's impossible to say what action Childrens services would take without knowing the above as they are supposed to look at the whole picture, not just one incident. Those pointing out that this was done "in retaliation" are missing the point. OP is the adult, her DD is the child so from a safeguarding perspective retaliation is not justified, especially given that an implement was used so the OP's response was not proportionate. The term "self defence" absolutely does not apply here. She wasn't trying to restrain her DD from attacking her, she wasn't responding out of fear for her own safety, she was angry so she lashed out and her response was excessive and beyond what the law considers to be "reasonable chastisement".

Phoebesfleas · 27/09/2019 14:32

Total non issue, my DD went through a stage of biting, she was quite old to be doing it too, 6 or 7. She bit my finger hard enough for my eyes to water and left teeth marks , I bit her finger back, not as hard as she bit me but enough to sting. She didn’t bite again and is now a fantastic 23 year old without any violent tendencies. Worry not.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 27/09/2019 14:33

Total non issue

The law disagrees with you.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 27/09/2019 14:36

And the law would also say the little brat assaulted her mother.

Schuyler · 27/09/2019 14:38

I think there are ridiculous posts on both sides of the fence. What you did was categorically wrong and very poor parenting. You know that though and you can move on. I don’t think this is a total disaster zone.

For the hard of thinking, if this was referred to a social worker, it would absolutely warrant a follow up phone call at the very bare minimum. Even if it’s “just” a few basic enquiries, is that something you want to invite into your life?

Schuyler · 27/09/2019 14:39

@Contraceptionismyfriend

Children’s services certainly wouldn’t care if the child was a “little brat” Hmm or not. You still can’t hit your child with a hairbrush.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 27/09/2019 14:42

She didn't knock her around the head. She swung back after being assaulted without warning.

The brat deserved it.

Swipe left for the next trending thread