To have hit her on the back of the leg with my hairbrush

[shesgrownhorns]

Dd10, is angling for a day off. I gave her the day off on Monday because she was surrounded by snot rags and was hoarse. Some would've dosed her up and sent her in, but I'm a softie. She knows this and is today clearly swinging the lead. After listening to her loudly complaining while I'm trying to dry my hair I stopped the hairdryer and said 'You're not having a day off'. She KICKED ME and started to flounce off. I (still holding round spiky brush) swiftly administered a hard rap to her calf region using my brush. Screaming ensued. I told her she'd asked for it and that's what happens when you kick people. She didn't kick hard, but I don't think that's the point.

It's not very right on and I know I'll get flamed, but WIBU?

Not RTFT, but as you know this isn't any good (but human to defend yourself).

You need to sit down and have a talk about being physical. Apologize again and agree that neither of you do anything like that ever again.

But this is precisely why you should RTFT. Because OP has already done what you suggest.

I'm not traumatised by what happened.
That's your experience. Can you guarantee that OP's daughter will see things the same way as you?
Other people upthread have described how they have been traumatised. I don't feel traumatised as such, but neither do I have a great relationship with my mother. When she cornered me in my room and slapped me, she lost all my respect, and it has never returned fully.

@formerbabe that's awful! I'm a highly strung person but I could never imagine even thinking of doing that to my kids. My mum was a bit rough with me growing up, pushing me over when she was angry, throwing things at me etc.... to be honest it made me totally disrespect her... she just seemed like a raving lunatic at the time. I have more sympathy for her as an adult... but her violence and screaming certainly weren't effective parenting techniques because I quickly developed anger towards her that fueled me on to not listen to a single thing she ever said and get away from her as soon as possible... and our relationship is sadly not a very close one now days as the damage could not be totally repaired.

My ex his mum used to hit him. The last time she did was when he was 12 and he answered by knocking a few of her few teeth out. How is violence the answer? What kind of behaviour do you want from her? Are you modelling it yourself?

It's unlikely that your daughter will say anything to anyone at school if you've apologised to her already - how was she when she went to school ? These things do happen - we all have moments as parents we would like to go back and change and it's all relative to us as individuals .
However any adult in a professional role would have to do something if told this information. It can seem very ott especially in this situation and the likelihood is school may just log it and speak to you directly. I don't believe any headteacher would laugh a teacher out of the room if told a child had been hit with anything - hand, brush whatever - and very very worrying if so. I don't think social services if told would do anything with one isolated incident.
I do think op that you are giving yourself a hard time and Focus on the good relationship you have the rest of the time with your daughter

Not ideal. I used to smack my children and don’t now. I realised it was totally messed up logic and poor example..., but worse things happen. As long as she is loved, affirmed and cared for she won’t be traumatised by a rare spontaneous reaction to being kicked.

Oh ffs "damaged her forever" and wanting to "crawl on your knees". It's one hit with a hairbrush. MN make me so mad whenever there's a post like this and they make the OP feel like a raging child abuser who needs locking away immediately. This is so ridiculous.

Don’t be surprised if she goes into school and tells someone that this is escalated. A teacher/dinner lady/teaching assistant has a duty to report this. As far as they are aware, this is part of a bigger picture, it may happen on a regular basis, it may happen with other objects. They don’t know. Hence it is escalated, so it can Ben dealt with approximately.

You both need to learn how to manage your anger. I have two boys 19 & 14, and never have they ever hit or kick me. Because they know how bloody wrong it is!
But you taught her that violence is fine, by responding in the same way, when you should have handled it differently.

My mother hit me around the legs with a wooden backed hairbrush when I was about 13. It is seared into my memory and I have feelings of revulsion towards her now when I think of it. We have a good relationship and I was certainly loved as a child but that doesn't mean that an incident like this can't be defining. I think if you acknowledge it now and reiterate to your daughter how you feel having done it this will mitigate any future resentment. I feel the lack of my mum's remorse thirty odd years later!

I'm sorry but some of these are laughable. Emotionally scarred for life because you parent smacked you. Grow up. It's no wonder were raising a generation of snowflakes who can't even wipe their own arse without mummy's help.

I don't know. It was the late eighties. I had loving parents and wasn't abused or hit often and never with objects. I was incredibly disrespectful and rude and got a slap. I didn't behave like that again.

Not saying its ok and I never hit my own dc.

For all the posters saying, it was only one hit, social services won’t get involved etc.

Honestly??

They DON’T know it was though! Hence why investigations take place at each stage. How many children who are abused have parents that say ‘I only done it once’,? Do you honestly think that when they hear a ‘only once’ excuse, they go ‘oh brilliant’ We’ll ignore it then, and happily go about their day, and forgot all about it? No it’s passed on to a safe guarding lead, they will then contact their area safe guarding person for further advice, it’s then decided if a referral goes in and so on. (Or something along these lines depending on country and county).

If you believe it doesn’t happen, then you are very short sighted.

@formerbabe Just curious:- So if you had it done to you and you are fine, why have you chosen not to do it to your own children? After all it hadn’t affected you.....

I had stuff done to me, it affected me, and I’ve not repeated the same behaviour towards my children. Because I know how it felt both physically, emotionally and psychologically. I don’t bare physical scars but I have a lot of psychological scars, and I am almost 40 now.

I'm sorry but some of these are laughable. Emotionally scarred for life because you parent smacked you. Grow up. It's no wonder were raising a generation of snowflakes who can't even wipe their own arse without mummy's help.
Your lack of empathy makes me wonder what you grew up with.

Social services?hairbrush a weapon?come off it people stop giving the op a troll time.
In the perfect world nobody would make a mistake,but we all do unfortunately.but then we learn from mistakes and go forward to be a better person.
In your shoes op I'd sit down with dd,ask for an apology and apologise to her,talk about how it is wrong to lash out,to learn from this expand move forward.

"The woman admitted hitting her child "in a moment of madness" for refusing to get ready for school when she appeared before South Somerset magistrates. She said she "saw red" and was holding a hairbrush at the time when she struck him twice on the shoulder. The boy was taken into emergency foster care in February. Children's services were alerted after a teacher spotted the boy in pain."
www.theguardian.com/society/2009/apr/11/boy-hit-hairbrush

I teach my children that if someone hits them, they need to hit back. It think it's an extremely important lesson and teaching not to hit back could be setting them up to be vulnerable.

With that in their mind, they would never hit me because they know the consequence of hitting someone. Children that lash out like this at their parents must learn that it is unacceptable or they will continue to do so, and potentially carry it on into their adult life. Sometimes words are not enough.

I teach my children that if someone hits them, they need to hit back

Even if that someone is smaller and more defenseless than they are?

Often children who bully other children who are smaller than they are, are being hit at home. They learn that it's OK to take your anger out on smaller people, that it gives you control and authority.

It's really not a good thing to be teaching children to deal with their emotions with violence.

Go on self defence classes with your dd s
The ones which teach when to walk away...

My kids’ new headteacher presenter the new behaviour policy at the start of term. He emphasised that exclusion is very rare but e would always seek to exclude any child who was violent towards another even in retaliation for the other child hitting them first.

So I would think carefully about teaching your children to always hit back!

You shouldn't have hit her. You know that. You wouldn't be asking here if you were sure it was ok. Telling her she asked for it makes it even worse. Awful message to give to any child.

The violent parents on this thread are why Britain is going to hell in a hand cart and why are kids are feeling unsafe.

All of you who think 'kids need more discipline and a good smack now and then'- do you honestly think all the young people stabbing each other and in prison for violent crimes are the kids of 'hippy', 'soft' parents? I've worked with young offenders and 9 times out of 10 they have parents that think what kids need is a bit more violence and showing what's what.

Get a collective fucking grip and stop teaching your children that violence solves problems. Ugh.

Even if that someone is smaller and more defenseless than they are?

If another child has hit my DC, then they are not defenseless.

Is it ok for dh to give me a smack when he needs to teach me something?

If even your own parents show you an utter lack of respect then it no surprise violent crime is so prevalent.

Disgusting behaviour. Some of you don't deserve to have children.

Pinkyyy teaching your child to hit back could well get your child into a lot more trouble.