To have hit her on the back of the leg with my hairbrush

[shesgrownhorns]

Dd10, is angling for a day off. I gave her the day off on Monday because she was surrounded by snot rags and was hoarse. Some would've dosed her up and sent her in, but I'm a softie. She knows this and is today clearly swinging the lead. After listening to her loudly complaining while I'm trying to dry my hair I stopped the hairdryer and said 'You're not having a day off'. She KICKED ME and started to flounce off. I (still holding round spiky brush) swiftly administered a hard rap to her calf region using my brush. Screaming ensued. I told her she'd asked for it and that's what happens when you kick people. She didn't kick hard, but I don't think that's the point.

It's not very right on and I know I'll get flamed, but WIBU?

I don't agree that you should NEVER hit your children because sometimes it's necessary e.g. sneaking out at night however it's a bit hypocritical to tell her off for physical aggression by using physical aggression.

Hope you're okay OP don't be stuck feeling guilty or anything I'd just work on a different way to punish her if she hits or kicks you in future

I don't agree that you should NEVER hit your children because sometimes it's necessary e.g. sneaking out at night

Can you really not think of any other suitable discipline for “sneaking out at night”?

Can you really not think of any other suitable discipline for “sneaking out at night”? confused

But kids shriek about their human rights when you lock them in the cupboard, innit.

Fuck me. There are some REALLY lazy and shitty parents around.

@DriftingLeaves then your HT should not be in the job. Anyone who has any knowledge of safeguarding knows that the seemingly trivial tings could be part of a bigger picture. Imagine 10 teachers who don’t report the same child being hit as a one off! Actually that child has been hit x10 but nobody would know.

I would raise a safeguarding concern too. It’s my job.

Saying that, there’s a massive over reaction here. It sounds like a one off incident. Apologise and say you were wrong to respond as you did. It was knee jerk but not right. Warn her that that’s what might happen if she hits someone else and that she needs to find another outlet for her frustration and anger because she was also wrong to kick you.

I agree laseeshark I don't get the running into the road tap either surely when a child runs into the road you pull them back not hit them! Then you talk to them about road safety. When my 3 year old GC ran into the road our first instinct was to pull him back. He started crying because we all shouted in fear. None of us thought that hitting him would be a good idea. What we did was talk (a lot) and frequently about safety and how cars can be dangerous.

I had a clout from my mum when I was that age because I slapped her.. It wa sher jerk Reaction.
I NEVER did it again.. It hadn't taught me to be violent.

I would have done the same, OP. I wouldn't apologise either.

This incident and responses from posters tell us nothing really about how good parenting is in any posters house. The hairbrush incident may or may not be indicative of poor parenting. Being totally against the use of the hairbrush is equally no indication of good parenting from those posters.

I don’t see an issue with this to be honest. It’s not a young child that doesn’t know any better, if she kicks someone else their response might be a lot worse so hopefully she will think twice now. My kid punched and kicked me one day (she’s five) so I quickly smacked her back on the bum and when she cried I calmly explained that her hitting me was wrong and clearly she didn’t like the smack so maybe she should think twice about hitting people especially someone other than me. My younger daughter is a violent little poop (she has development problems and possibly autism among other things) and sometime I do have to swipe her hand away and it may not be the softest approach but sometimes I just don’t want to be hit or have things thrown at me.

Well, it’s no biggie, but I don’t think hitting a child is the best way to deal with it. I think the best way to impress on a child that hitting is wrong is not to hit. A 10 yr old kicking her mum is just not on, so some consequence is important. No screen time/bedtime story for the week or until she can figure a way and explain to you what she SHOULD do if she is angry.

It is done apologise and move on.
I do understand it, DD has turned into a compliant defiant nightmare.
I thought when I was 10 I'd get slap for the same behaviour, it is hard to deal with them, I hate arguing punishing as it is not working with her she doesn't care.
I think the hairbrush is next. Joking but often tempted 🤣

Of course you shouldn't have done it. But you did. Everyone moves on now. It's not the worst thing anyone has ever done. I've screamed at my kids and obviously felt embarrassed and ashamed of myself (like what a lunatic) but I was wrong. I apologized. And moving on.

Big question to consider for yourself though, did you feel out of control when you did it? Or was it more of a reaction type of thing? If you felt out of control or you find yourself ever really feeling out of control, just make a commitment to yourself to talk to someone. I have a history of anxiety, panic attacks, depression, PTSD, and was actually diagnosed with bipolar disorder (fwiw I really feel that was an incorrect diagnosis) but really struggle with side effects of medications. I treat myself holistically (i know not everyone can do that successfully and i also realize that I'm lucky that likely my symptoms are not as bad as some people) but when children were little, i made that promise to myself that regardless of side effects etc, if i got out of control, i would see someone and try medication if necessary. Not saying that's your scenario. But if it is, it's our responsibility to take corrective measures to keep the kids from suffering, even if it means sacrificing some things.

Social services is not the call you should be comsidering. If anything a call to your doctor. Good luck.

Smacking just isn't acceptable. If people are lashing out in anger then they need help to control it so that they can help their children control their anger.
If it's done calmly then that's just plain wrong.

The parents who justify hitting/"tapping" their children would probably be furious if another adult hit their child.

Is it OK for a teacher to lose their temper and punish a child by hitting them? Tapping them on the arm with a book? Hitting a bully to teach them a lesson?

If not, ask yourself why it's OK if you do it? To the child, the action is the same. If not even worse coming from a parent because they're a trusted adult who is supposed to love them.

If my 10 year old had kicked a teacher unexpectedly and the teacher had instinctively reacted I'd be team teacher. A 10 year old is damn well old enough to learn the consequences of being a twat.

I'm not going to knock you OP, because you know you shouldn't have done it and hopefully you will never do it again.

As always though, I'm depressed by the prevalence of slovenly, underdeveloped thickos who think it's just fine to use violence against a child, especially if "they started it".

If your child hits or kicks you or someone else, you cannot look them in the eye and say "We do not hurt people. I don't hurt you, and you don't hurt me or anyone else. Because violence is wrong. We don't solve our problems with violence." Because...you yourself have not been properly socialised, and have never learned that very important lesson.

If a teacher used physical violence against my child, I would not be "team teacher", I would pursue them to the bitter end. Through the proper channels, of course, and without using violence. Because I'm not thick, vicious or a coward.

The reactions on this thread are absolutely mind blowingly ridiculous.
I hit my mum once, she hit me back. Did I ever do it again? No. Therefore did it work? Yes.

If I had so much as raised my voice to my mum I would have found myself waking up in the middle of next week.
Much the same as mine would if they had tried that night nonsense with me.
Fortunately for them, they never tried it.

If my child assaulted someone they are in the wrong. What a person does as retaliation will be their fault. If they hadn't assaulted them then they wouldn't have gotten hurt.

In the real world the person you assault doesn't use their words.

Best thing I ever saw was some mouthy little 18 year old drunk fresher throw a punch in the bar. Didn't know that the other guy while not looking that built was a MMA fighter.

He did when he was on his back with a broken nose being dragged out by the bouncers laughing their heads off.

I actually think it's very difficult when a child physically strikes a parent. It needs to be nipped in the bud otherwise you could end up in a situation where the parent (usually a mum) is effectively in an abusive relationship being regularly attacked by a teenager twice her size. I've read about situations like that on here many times. How you do that is the issue up for debate I guess.

Now I'm not saying what the op did was right...it wasn't. However, this incident, if it's a one off, in the context of a normal, loving home does not need to be catastrophised.

I'm wondering if this is a genuine query at all.
also, surely apart from the smacking debate, everyone knows it is a criminal offence to strike a child with any implement, or even when using a open hand slap or smack, to leave a mark, or to use a fist or foot, or to be excessive even if using only open hand smack, excessive is a matter of fact to be determined by a court.
the way the OP is worded sounds a bit dubious to me.
is this another hoax, to see how much reaction they can get, like the supposed underweight teenager at the weekend....

I hope she is brave enough to share the incident at school so someone can intervene. Plenty of ways to discipline without resorting to physical punishment.

As for “she asked for it” that’s an awful message to send out to a child. No one ever asks to be hit.

YANBU she hits you hit back, it’s only fair

Nobody literally asks to be hit.

But some people really do 'ask' for it.

Mainly those who go around assaulting others and not think of the consequences.

She is 10. So above the age of criminal responsibility. OP could just as easily report her.