To be annoyed with friend who slept with an 18 year old boy...

[Dickorydockwhatthe]

Who also happens to be her friends/neighbours son. She is 37 too so old enough to know better. The worse thing is she lied about it and denied it to her neighbour who was also meant to be a friend. It makes me feel sick to be honest and the fact that it is her friends/neighbours son just makes it worse. She says she feels shit but probably because she got found out.

Wow, so many sick people all on one thread.

Not so long ago marital rape was legal, trafficking for sexual exploitation was legal, psychological abuse was legal, many other abhorrent things were legal... Regardless of the laws we may have created before and since, they have always been repugnant, unethical, abusive, immoral and wrong things to do to another person.

Same goes for this.

Ick. I'm 32 and he's a child to me. Still growing. But the law states it's acceptable so...

BenjaminH did you run off with her daughter afterwards ? 😉.."and here's to you Mrs Robinson"..

well the fixation, on this thread, is the age "it's disgusting" "I can imagine it" etc

not as you say, the relationship.

@ginandbearit

no, she didn't have children, I lived and had a 3 year relationship with her it was alright.

Legally its fine but morally so wrong, he’s got issues himself with drugs and he looks like a young boy.

So not only is her friend's son, but he's got vulnerabilities of his own? That just adds to it.

Here's hoping she's not pregnant. For all their sakes.

Read the thread again @BenjaminH. It is totally about the relationship. Do you keep an eye on your friends' kids, with a view to future conquests?

@BenjaminH first me it's a few issues.

The fact she is friends with the mother

The fact that she is blaming him. The inplicatopn that she didnt have a choice, what is that usually called?

The fact that she is sleeping with younger men to fill an emotional hole she has and involved her friends son in her emotional mess

The fact that there is a huge age gap ( I explained my view on age gap relationships at the beginning and admitted its skewed due to experience)

The fact that there is an age gap and she watched him grow up

well the fixation, on this thread, is the age "it's disgusting" "I can imagine it" etc

not as you say, the relationship.

There are loads of posts about the relationship

Oh God, I can’t imagine how I’d feel if one of my friends slept with one of my sons! It all seems rather incestual somehow doesn’t it? Yuk.

I lived and had a 3 year relationship with her it was alright.

You are lucky. We all dream of living with someone in an 'alright' relationship. I mean that's the bar we set ourselves. Just alright

wasnt that alright though because it ended.

I also think it is the friend aspect in combination with his age that is the problem.
My DS had a relationship with a woman in her thirtues when he was 19, and another relationship with a woman who was forty with a teenage child when he was early twenties. Neither of those relationships bothered me as he has always been grown up for his age and preferred both friendhsips and relaionsips with peopel older than himself. (To be fair and balanced -my Xh was bothered by these relationships).

On occasion though some of my acquaintances made cmments on my DS being attractive etc when he was a teenager, oen referred to him as sexy and I found it pretty creepy.

I think if the boy/man in this case had been say 30, or the woman had not known him it would have probably not provoked such a reaction. It's not black and white - it's the combination of circumstances which elicits a sense of it being wrong.

I don't understand how she could see someone she watched growing up in a sexual way.

I struggle seeing my DS's friends drive their cars because it seems so wrong as to me they are the bunch of little kids I've known for years.

When I was 18 I remember a local woman who was a young mum to an 18 year old boy used to have parties so she could get to sleep with his friends. It absolutely was grim, she seemed ancient compared to us and there was definitely a power imbalance.

Equally when I was at college there was a male lecturer that used to pick up a lot of the students. They were flattered, he was a perve. It never end well because he was always leading them up the garden path and he caused a lot of heartbreak.

Having sex with your friend's 18;year old that you've known since he was a boy is a whole new level of gross.

Look I understand that people can fall into unsuitable relationships when their self esteem is low, but that's no excuse to go after young people to repair it. It's just wrong.

She has two sons herself one who is 13 and I said imagine if that was your son in a few years time. I’d be devastated and disgusted all at the same time and I’m surprised the women hasn’t come over and smashed her head in 😞

I cannot imagine having sex with someone young enough to be my son - a bit weird in my opinion.

Knowing a few 17/18 year old lads (I can't quite call them men tbh) via 17y Dd - they really are still lads, boys. They may have the physique of a man but you only have to chat to them for a couple of minutes and they are still boys.

And yes, for a 37y woman to sleep with the 18y boy who lives next door and she's known since being small - horrible.

And I truely think of the sexes were reversed even more people would think it wrong for a grown man to 'watch' his neighbour turn from a little girl to a teenage young woman and then have sex with her.

It may be legal but it's hardly a moral stance is it?!

Men of 30 / 40s go out with late teens / 20s all the time - is that also yuk?!

Tbh yes, usually. What would a 37y adult really have in common with an 18y? A nearly 20 year age gap when one party is just 18y is almost always going to be pretty dodgy.

It would make me feel uncomfortable too. If it was just a random guy on a night out then no, but the connection and knowing him since he was little just seems weird to me.

When I was 18 I remember a local woman who was a young mum to an 18 year old boy used to have parties so she could get to sleep with his friends. It absolutely was grim, she seemed ancient compared to us and there was definitely a power imbalance.

I know a woman who did thatm she ended up marrying one if her sons friends. It was an awful marriage. He was a decent enough man, but his mother had left when he was baby and his dad and step mum were shits. He had quite a few issues and when she met him was struggling with his mental health. He used to say that she 'saved him' from killing himself. When infact she saw someone vulnerable that she rhough she could mould into being the man she wanted and then decided to start telling everyone he was the youngest childs dad. She was awful to him. Anytime he didnt do as she said she would kick him our and stop him seeing the child, until he suitably and publically begged to come back.

It was horribly abusive. She kicked him out about 3 times a year for 15 years. Eventually, one of the time she kicked him our he didnt go back. With his sisters help (the sister his wife banned him from seeing) he had counselling and improved his self esteem. And he didnt go back. She threaten to burn his sisters house down, constantly called screaming, told the now adult son if he had anything to do with him she wouldnt speak to him. So the so has no contact.

A few years later he is settled with woman around his own age (40) she shagged her best friends daughters boyfriend and now lives with him. And the cycle of kicking him out and making him beg to come back has started again.

I think people pity her.

It's not the age gap per se (although I don't agree with it... ok shoot me..) It's the fact that it's a boy she has seen grow up. It's like a son, brother or cousin to me - totally off limits.

I am taken aback at all the posters who see nothing wrong with it

That is absolutely grim. Technically legal doesn't mean morally acceptable - the power imbalance in a relationship like that is all kinds of problematic. I would be pretty disgusted by that too.

I am taken aback at all the posters who see nothing wrong with it

I think it's a result of the last few years of 'oh arent cougars so strong and sexy. Love to take charge and go after what they want' its like it's been held up as some female ideal.

When most of the time any adult (man or woman) who consistently goes after much younger partners to be the 'one in control' has serious issues.

i have never forgotten a friend of someone i knew, early 30s, who was minding the children after school, while friend working, smoked pot with the 15 year old and slept with him!
she later became friends with my ds, in his late teens, I was quite concerned and tried to warn him off her without explanation

anyway, what can mumsnet do for op?