To expect waiting staff to have some common sense?

[rabbitheadlights]

In a well established mid range restaurant for lunch yesterday OH and I ordered both had steak and requested medium rare. I should add OH is a chef both steaks came out well done, not a problem send them back these things happen. Waiter returns to the table to tell us chef will re-do and how do we "actually" want our steak as he is adamant that they were both medium rare!

OH laughed and offered to cook them himself, but later spoke to the manager and said something along the lines of, "I really think your FOH team should know not to repeat what the chef says to customers like that, a simple steaks will be redone would have sufficed, as it is your staff have effectively come to my table and called me a liar, which by the way I'm not and if chef is adamant both steaks were right can I suggest some training?

I told a friend who said the steaks were redone so we shouldn't have spoken to manager about waiter repeating what the chef said... So WIBU?

If the chef is an arse, that’s entirely his fault. It’s not up to the customers to soft-soap the waiting staff to make up for it.

Unless your husband is Gordon Ramsey, HWBU.

In your husbands line of work he should know foh take all the crap from customers so cut them some slack.

Any one with any brain knows it's not FOH's job in any restaurant to be shitty to the customers when mistakes have been made. It's completely unacceptable. They simply needed to reconfirm the cooking requested, without any attitude, sarcasm or suggestion that they customer can't tell well done from medium rare.

It's do annoying when this happens
But I'm not sure I could justify the waste of food

I think I'd eat them and ask for a disco

If it was the other way round (you ordered med well and it came cooked med rare for example) I'd say your were being unreasonable as it's surprising the amount of people who come in with their own idwa of steak temperatures. I deal with so many bullshit steak complaints in my restaurant, people thinking medium well means absolutely no colour or that there should be no juice ("blood" as they like to say, normally while looking horrified) on a plate when ordering steak unless it's rare. I'd rather 86 steak than deal with steak complaints a lot of the time to be honest.

I think it’s very twattish to return 2 costly steaks - you should’ve mentioned to the waiter and let the restaurant perhaps gauge what kind of service recovery they could offer. I like medium rare myself but would not want such wasteage and would just get on and eat without being precious and demanding.

bloody hell. youd just sit and eat an overcooked steak that you probably paid £20 for? Fuck that. No wonder restaurants continue with crap food

but asking for a disco sounds good ;)

bloody hell. youd just sit and eat an overcooked steak that you probably paid £20 for? Fuck that. No wonder restaurants continue with crap food

Exactly. People pearl-clutching about wastage need to recognise the restaurant was at fault, not the customers.

Sore arse here from sitting on the fence. If I order medium rare and it arrived medium, to be honest I'll just eat it. Although people have provided descriptions, there is always an element of subjectivity between 2 categories. Yeah there is little room for subjectivity between rare and well done, but when does a 'on the medium side' of medium rare differ from an on the rare side of medium. Plus, if you spend a tenner on a steak then as long as its edible then accept that you get what you pay for. Nothing worse than kicking off in a hungry horse because his steak is more like medium than medium rare.

I think to quibble over steak when its a tiny bit out or open to some interpretation is being a PITA. However medium rare to well done is a bit of a leap and OP and partner are probably within their rights to speak up. However, all this 'i'm a chef' talk does sound a bit uppity on paper, but I suppose it depends on the sequence of events and the tone etc.

There seems to be two camps set up here. Kick off unless everything is perfect, or STFU and have what you're given. Some nuance folks, please!

There seems to be two camps set up here. Kick off unless everything is perfect, or STFU and have what you're given. Some nuance folks, please!
I think a lot of us have said that it's reasonable to send food back if it's wrong, but it should be done in a way that is polite and reasonable.

OP's DH behaved in quite a twatty way, but the OP's response to being told 'fine to complain but don't be an arse' was the usual dramatic "so you'd all sit there and way totally inedible food and never say anything or ever complain".

Some nuance folks, please!

Just because you can’t see the nuance in the numerous replies which say that it’s ok to send food back, but being insufferable while you do it is not, doesn’t mean it isn’t there.

StillCoughingandLaughing
If the chef is an arse, that’s entirely his fault.

Yup it is

It’s not up to the customers to soft-soap the waiting staff to make up for it.

Not being a twat to the waiting staff is up to the customer, it should be SOP.

Again, I'm struck by the strangeness of mumsnet. I don't know many people in real life who would be happy with a wrongly cooked steak, or be quite so afraid of sending it back, or quite so concerned about the "minimum wage waiting staff".

Just how does someone attain the impossibly high levels of modest, caring selflessness, where you plough through a steak that you find barely edible, a disappointment and a waste of money? Although clearly it does not stop you from tearing someone's character apart for making a mildly sarcastic remark to a mouthy waiter! How very dare someone enjoy their meal out! How very optimistic of them!

And would I want to be such a meek and mild person? Probably not. Its sounds like a recipe for mediocrity.

qualcheck
The thing is many of us have said that there's:
Nothing wrong with sending a clearly incorrectly cooked steak back
Nothing wrong with raising a complaint when required
Lots wrong about being obnoxious and arsey

There was no reason for the DH's attitude and the fact the OP's response to his attitude being commented on was to claim everyone things you should passively put up was deliberately ridiculous.

But Lola how can you really tell that he was obnoxious and arsey for sure from what was written? It isn't that much to go on. He might have said it incredibly sweetly. It might just have slipped out as a momentary out of character explosion of frustration, inbetween otherwise mannerful talking.

I think when a waiter is argueing with you over a quite clearly wrongly cooked steak, I'd suspect that they are covering up a mix in orders and possibly be a little sharp myself, as a reaction to the sheer cheek of it. Because otherwise, they wer'nt going to get the type of steak they ordered, were they?

If I ordered steak medium rare and it arrived well done, I would take a pic of it (I do that with food, anyway, am one of those people) before sending it back. If wait staff told me the chef had asked how I 'actually' wanted it done, I'd do a Google search and show them an image of a medium rare steak, and compare it to the one I'd been served, whilst reiterating 'medium rare'. I am not a chef, but I know how I like my steak, and I know how to cook it, too! (I also know how to be a right arse in restaurants when they try to tell me they know better, when they clearly don't).

qual
People who pull rank by trying to highlight they're in the area rarely do so in a way that's not light-hearted. Anyone who's been in hospitality or retail will pick up exactly what sort of attitude this was, and it's not the polite and reasonable complaint type. Equally, nothing about the OP's attitude of tone suggests this was reasonable, either in the original post or in their very defensive and accusatory comemnts to posters who have also picked up on the arsey attitude.

Again, I'm struck by the strangeness of mumsnet. I don't know many people in real life who would be happy with a wrongly cooked steak, or be quite so afraid of sending it back, or quite so concerned about the "minimum wage waiting staff".

Because on one hand MN is full of people who like to boast that their ‘DH’ has a very responsible £100k a year job, but on the other hand, they’re also desperate to prove their (wo)man of the people credentials and that they’d never look down on ordinary folk just trying to make a living. Therefore if you dare to start a thread about complaining in a shop or restaurant, expect a slew of replies about how hard it is working in the service industry, what long hours it is for low wages, how the useless checkout girl you criticised is probably a single mum trying to make ends meet etc. There are some posters on here who would tell you that, if the waitress shat in your dinner, you should eat it without complaint AND give her a big tip, because how would you like to have to do that job?

@pasturesgreen
"Also, I'm a tad aghast at the sheer waste of sending back two steaks, but hey how."
It isn't a waste. They were overcooked and not what was ordered. You wouldn't expect a customer to have to chew their way through overcooked steak and pay for the privilege would you? If someone else ordered one very soon afterwards I'm pretty sure they'd send it back out and not necessarily throw it away.

You were perfectly right to send the steaks back if they weren’t cooked correctly.

But you lost the moral high ground when your OH asked if he should cook them himself.

My BF is a Senior Sous in a 1 star and would never say anything so twattish. I’ve been out for dinner with and served some of the most respected Chefs in the world who would never be so twattish.

My BF is a Senior Sous in a 1 star and would never say anything so twattish. I’ve been out for dinner with and served some of the most respected Chefs in the world who would never be so twattish.

🎼 ‘It’s like rai-ai-ain on your wedding day...’ 🎼

😂

Surely no self-respecting Italian chef would choose to eat in Pizza Hut?
Haha! Most chefs live on KFC and vodka!

Ugh I'm a chef and I'd never be that cocky to waiting staff.