About these parents letting their toddler run riot in a restaurant?

[Cheeseoncrumpets]

I want to start by saying that I have no issue with children being in restaurants, but this really did take the piss IMO.

Went out with a friend to a well known chain restaurant for lunch. Very family friendly and lots of families there as a result. As above I have no problem with that, however one couple who unforunately were sat in the booth right behind us, continually let their toddler run riot.

The restauarnt have high chairs available but they had for whatever reason chosen not to use one and he was sat on the seat next to his parents. He kept getting down and running off, firstly he ran right over to the otherside of the restaurant then towards the serving hatch area where staff are collecting hot food, and finally towards the kitchen doors which suddenly prompted the father to go and retrieve him. They sat him down and kept trying to pacify him with lots of 'no don't do that Charlie' (not his real name), 'would you like to play on Mummy's phone Charlie?'. He then kept trying to climb over the booth, and was at one point standing on the seats. At no point did either parent do much to get him under control other than utter a half arsed 'dont do that Charlie'. A walk outside usually works IME.

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

I'd like to stress I know this wasnt the little boy's fault. He wasnt any older than about two, was clearly bored and just wanted to go off and explore like toddlers do. Im just a bit shocked that either parent thought this was acceptable parenting?

AIBU to think that some parents are incrediably entitled and expect everyone else to tolerate their kids?

After a fairly easy first year or so we largely stopped going out to pubs/ restaurants to eat as a form of pleasure once DS got mobile and did not want to sit nicely anymore. That overlapped through DS2 until was a bit more civilised too.

I can remember family occasions that were more awkward to avoid and tag teaming on walking holding their hand to just waiting outside and making early finishes as soon as the main course was done as there was no pleasure in working to prevent them being a trip hazard/ public nuisence once they'd exhausted playing with toy cars and scribbling on paper.

My DCs are definitely not angels, but it's not safe or considerate to let a livelier young child do as they like in a restaurant environment. I can't vow that mine have never been a pain, but I have always tried

So Im a horrible person for wanting to enjoy a quiet meal without someone else's child run riot?

I just don’t understand why you went to very family friendly restaurant with lots of families if you wanted a quiet meal. I don’t think children should be allowed to run riot but I also think if you wanted a quiet meal the place you went was very unlikely to ever be able to provide you with that.

Besides, you complain about him running riot and then you complain about him (presumably quietly) sleeping. It sounds like the family was never going to win with your judgement. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I just don’t understand why people let these things bother them. The only child thats ever spoilt my meal in a restaurant is my own; other people’s children running riot just makes me feel glad that either I’m out child free or that my child is behaving as there’s a good amount of times that mine is also running riot completely unpredictably

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

Of course had a waiter spilt something hot on the child the parents would have sued the pants off the restaurant.....

I have no idea why this subject is trotted out so frequently. Of course it’s not acceptable. The parents are most likely seething inside but to keep some semblance of sanity they rally on with their lives.
Ffs i hopes the children should be seen and not heard era had passed,
Get over yourselves and be happy really happy you never struggled with other rowdy children. ever.

I try to teach mine normal social expectations but his disability means he will never get quite a lot of them. He is old enough now to be obviously disabled so apart from the out and out bigots most people are ok. When he was younger we did get filthy looks about making noises and messy eating despite us being 100% attentive to him.

@MrsNotNice. I have my own kids and other peoples ‘ just don’t melt my heart! I’m d party d for premium seats as I wanted to rest after having been very well. Not to be stressed by the noise. The parents should have told them to be quiet. I’m was close to doing so myself

I don't get why you'd go into a family friendly restaurant by choice if you aren't with children. If I don't have my DC with me there is no way I would step foot inside somewhere where I knew there would be a bunch of kids.

I try to teach mine normal social expectations but his disability means he will never get quite a lot of them.

Honestly I’d rather reserve my firm voice to occasions that concern matters of his safety and well being. To things that are developmentally appropriate. And gradually build up the idea of learning to respect boundaries of his parents and outside world.

If 40 year olds have expectations from a 2 year old to behave like them, then it’s the 40 year olds that need to fix up.

Pamplemousecat

Honestly I don’t find a problem with you going to my child and saying “would you mind keeping your voice down I’m not feeling well”...

If society has “expectations” then let society speak.

You say it as if you talking to the kids was going to be a threat. It’s all about HOW you say it.

I often communicate my expectations with many kids around me. It’s really easy. They don’t mean it and we are there to teach them.

Parents aren’t the only source of knowledge !

@CassianAndor - agreed. Lazy parents always call other parents smug and judgemental. Total cop out.

I don't get why you'd go into a family friendly restaurant by choice if you aren't with children. If I don't have my DC with me there is no way I would step foot inside somewhere where I knew there would be a bunch of kids.

Its 'family friendly', not 'families can do whatever the hell they please'.
Im not very well off and cant afford to eat in really expensive places. The family friendly chains are much more affordable.

Lazy parents always call other parents smug and judgemental. Total cop out.

No I think joyless parents who are living on edge ans prioritise people’s opinions over their kids natural development and don’t allow their kids to be kids are usually ones to point out the other parents are lazy..

There is two narratives to be honest.

Some young children simply aren't ready to be sat in a restaurant and stay seated despite all sorts of entertainment.

Imo a restaurant is not yet the place for them.

A pub garden with bouncy castle and park is more suitable.
Or a soft play centre cafe.

At the point your child will put the people who are employed to work there in danger you need to seriously risk assess.

I don't think people were better behaved in our generation. I think parents were generally much better, stronger and more resilient and not afraid to tell little Jonny to stop or they'll leave.

No I think joyless parents who are living on edge ans prioritise people’s opinions over their kids natural development and don’t allow their kids to be kids are usually ones to point out the other parents are lazy

Who said anything about not allowing 'kids to be kids' or 'natural developent'? I really don't think that letting young children run around in a restaurant, family-friendly or not, does either of those things. That sounds very much like the old 'boys will be boys' comment when one kid whacks another over the head with a stick. So, I respectfully disagree.

YANBU, it was utterly ridiculous. I long for the days when restaurants offer ‘adult only’ lunches or dinners on certain days and evenings.

No I think joyless parents who are living on edge ans prioritise people’s opinions over their kids natural development and don’t allow their kids to be kids are usually ones to point out the other parents are lazy
These parents are those who come and post on the teenagers thread how their kids don't pay one bit attention to what they say, nor their teachers, who won't help around the house because they don't think they have to, who challenge anyone who dares telling them off, and who think that no-one should tell them what to do because they are teenagers are teenagers and should be able to enjoy themselves.

It's not as cute then as when they are 2.

Saying that, I think the situation here is far from as bad as what I've seen. At leas the parents were attempting to deal with the child behaviour and a sleeping child is much less disruptive than one who is left to scream and shout the place down.

It can just be really hard sometimes wrestling with a mini anaconda/tiger. Harder than it looks

Not if you know what you are doing,...it's not.

BenWillbondsPants

While I disagree with the parents in the OP allowing their child to do things like this without intervening, but I also disagree with the OP’s stance on kids in general showing no middle ground and interpreting the situation in a judgemental way.

I do not like a parent restricting their child’s freedom. What I do like though is a parent intervening in age appropriate ways to redirect their child to appropriate behaviour. Which does leave room for a lot of error from the child. And that’s how they learn.

And it takes a lot more energy. So not lazy at all.

So not lazy at all.

Sitting doing nothing in these circumstances is lazy. IMO.

Yanbu.

It's piss poor parenting and not something that the staff or other diners should have to accommodate or pay to experience.

Apart from staying at home for 5/6 years what should the parents have done. When did this society become so intolerant of small children? Generally speaking, they are welcomed in restaurants abroad .
Maybe the child was autistic ?
Stop being so grumpy .

Damn kids - I would have strapped it into a high chair whether it liked it or not!

I have DC. Never has this happened, because we stepped in and didn't allow it. But now I'll be called smug etc, merely for parenting my DC.

I have DC too. I have been complimented many times on how nicely behaved they are. I have also had nasty stares and comments as two of them have SN and there are a lot of judgemental fuckers in this world. I don't judge other people for parenting differently to how I parent. That's where the notion of smugness comes from, the idea that "well my DC did this so why can't yours?"