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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About these parents letting their toddler run riot in a restaurant?

342 replies

Cheeseoncrumpets · 21/09/2019 16:24

I want to start by saying that I have no issue with children being in restaurants, but this really did take the piss IMO.

Went out with a friend to a well known chain restaurant for lunch. Very family friendly and lots of families there as a result. As above I have no problem with that, however one couple who unforunately were sat in the booth right behind us, continually let their toddler run riot.

The restauarnt have high chairs available but they had for whatever reason chosen not to use one and he was sat on the seat next to his parents. He kept getting down and running off, firstly he ran right over to the otherside of the restaurant then towards the serving hatch area where staff are collecting hot food, and finally towards the kitchen doors which suddenly prompted the father to go and retrieve him. They sat him down and kept trying to pacify him with lots of 'no don't do that Charlie' (not his real name), 'would you like to play on Mummy's phone Charlie?'. He then kept trying to climb over the booth, and was at one point standing on the seats. At no point did either parent do much to get him under control other than utter a half arsed 'dont do that Charlie'. A walk outside usually works IME.

Eventually he climbed down and went to sleep on the floor next to their table cuddling a soft toy, meaning staff and customers had to either step over him or walk around him. Both parents sat there and just gazed at him adoringly before paying the bill, scooping him up in their arms and leaving.

I'd like to stress I know this wasnt the little boy's fault. He wasnt any older than about two, was clearly bored and just wanted to go off and explore like toddlers do. Im just a bit shocked that either parent thought this was acceptable parenting?

AIBU to think that some parents are incrediably entitled and expect everyone else to tolerate their kids?

OP posts:
dottiedodah · 21/09/2019 18:13

We went to an upmarket Restaurant for my Birthday Supper recently.The whole meal was punctuated by a Very noisy group ,(no DC)! who screamed with laughter and talked at the tops of their voices !.I dont hear very well but my DS and his GF couldnt hear anything either!

Saddler · 21/09/2019 18:14

If you can't or are unwilling to control your kids don't take them out. Simple.

PancakeAndKeith · 21/09/2019 18:15

Generally speaking, they are welcomed in restaurants abroad

Bingo.

Eleanoryellow89 · 21/09/2019 18:15

Take off your judgey pants. Toddlers are hard, get over it
People are allowed to judge bad behaviour. It’s what keeps standards from slipping...if we all did what we wanted without anyone allowed to judge, it would be mayhem and there’d be no order.
Toddlers are hard if you don’t handle them properly and don’t tell them to behave when they need to be told. It only gets harder as naughty children get older and more disruptive at school and in public. It should be nipped in the bud ASAP

Girasole02 · 21/09/2019 18:16

When my son was small, we used to take books, colouring small toys, few pieces of Lego etc to keep him occupied and interacted with him. I rarely see this nowadays. My son is 17 before the days when everyone had their heads in their phones and left their children to entertain themselves. I think this is the biggest issue. Toddlers cannot sense danger and cannot entertain themselves. You just can't switch off and let everyone else deal with it. I don't get why parenting is such a big deal to some.

CardiFree · 21/09/2019 18:16

Did they fall asleep on the floor dottie? Grin

MrsNotNice · 21/09/2019 18:17

If you can't or are unwilling to control your kids don't take them out.

Controlling any human being is vile.

What you mean to say, is intervene to minimise their disruptive behaviour by distracting them.

Because toddlers can’t and shouldn’t be controlled.

Yes the parents are in the wrong here if the OP was accurate simply because the child wasn’t followed by a parent and exposed to danger. But I assume they were tired.. I don’t expect everyone to be as tolerant as me. But the OPs notion on parenting and how everyone should follow it is equally wrong. Not allowing for their to be several ideas of ideal parenting to a 2 year old who probably doesn’t talk or have comprehension skills sounds not child friendly to me.

howrudeforme · 21/09/2019 18:18

I’ve seen restaurant staff ask parents to keep their children from running riot - it tends to go down badly. It’s something they probably avoid.

Parents should be able to judge this for themselves and act appropriately, not rely on waiting staff to be pushed to their limit before daring to say something.

MrsNotNice · 21/09/2019 18:19

howrudeforme

It probably went down badly because it was loud enough for you to hear it. That’s not telling that’s scolding.

CassianAndor · 21/09/2019 18:19

Jelly parenting means acting when children can’t behave properly. So if your DC are struggling in a restaurant, you engage with them, you give them something to do or if all else fails you remove them. And you do that every bloody time until they are able to behave properly.

Ontrolling any human being is vile dear God almighty.

swingofthings · 21/09/2019 18:20

Totally agree Girasole. I used to always plan trips to restaurants (or anywhere for that matter) with my kids so I could ensure they were kept entertained in a quiet manner. Books, colouring, small puzzles, etc...

Does anyone remember even McD had colouring pages and crayons! I now refuse to go to any child friendly restaurants as parents are too busy to talk to each other to engage with their kids or ensure they are not being a disturbance.

GraceH24 · 21/09/2019 18:21

I work in a busy restaurant and can't express how frustrating it is when this happens. I can't tell you the amount of times I've almost tripped over whilst carrying hot meals because a little one has ran past me or stopped suddenly right in front of me. Don't get me started on the mess parents happily leave behind.....

Like you said above all it is dangerous.

YANBU.

BenWillbondsPants · 21/09/2019 18:23

What you mean to say, is intervene to minimise their disruptive behaviour by distracting them.

I'm pretty sure that the poster knows what they mean to say themselves. You correcting them in this manner by telling them what they mean seems a little controlling. And we can't have that, can we.

BenWillbondsPants · 21/09/2019 18:25

I used to always plan trips to restaurants (or anywhere for that matter) with my kids so I could ensure they were kept entertained in a quiet manner. Books, colouring, small puzzles, etc...

Absolutely agree @swingofthings, so did we. It wasn't always successful, but god we tried and for the most part, they were happy as long as they had something to do and something to eat.

MrsNotNice · 21/09/2019 18:26

And we can't have that, can we

Oh preach! While you go off calling us parents who believe in gentle parenting as lazy because we didn’t manage to have full control of a 2 year olds behaviour yet and are disagreeing with those that are judging us by the behaviour of our toddlers.

MrsNotNice · 21/09/2019 18:28

It wasn't always successful, but god we tried

How do you know those parents don’t usually try?

So do I. I always have play dough or colouring pens. But that doesn’t usually result in a child strapped to his chair all the time

Mydogmylife · 21/09/2019 18:28

@MrsNotNice

You think it's ok for your child to be standing on the table?????

1Morewineplease · 21/09/2019 18:31

As a pp said... you don’t tend to get this behaviour abroad. I have never understood the ethos of allowing children to misbehave in a restaurant, family-friendly or otherwise. Is it so wrong to teach table manners?
Allowing children to do as they please in a public place is sending them the wrong message.
You go to a restaurant to eat and socialise... not to run around, trip staff up and treat the place like an adventure playground while parents get hammered and totally ignore. Never saw this behaviour in restaurants in the seventies, eighties or nineties. All too prevalent now. Clearly parenting styles have changed in UK.. strangely, not abroad.

Original poster
Cheeseoncrumpets · 21/09/2019 18:34

Toddlers are hard, get over it

Once again, thats not my problem.

OP posts:
howrudeforme · 21/09/2019 18:34

@MrsNotNice - nope - what I’ve seen is that staff really do think there’s potential for an an accident and they’ve said it how it is but nicely. Parents unhappy.

But similarly I’ve been to restaurants where staff and customers flinch when they see a child. They are not made welcome. shame.

converseandjeans · 21/09/2019 18:34

YANBU they need to tire him out at the park first or just hold off going to a restaurant until he can sit properly.
It's dangerous as well as annoying. Just because a place welcomes families it doesn't mean it's OK to have no control.

Thehagonthehill · 21/09/2019 18:34

When DD was a toddler we went a a French restaurant.She was good for ages but as toddlers do hot fidgety.
We had sat at the back as there was room there fora pushchair without getting in anyone's way.She stood up in it an gazed over the back with intensity for 15 mins while the couple she picked on(who we speculated were on a secret tryst) looked more and more uncomfortable until they left.
The DD wanted to get up and walk.We did the walk outside until the owner came up and suggested we just let her wander.We said that other customers might mind,he shrugged and said they shouldn't come to a French restaurant.He took her by the hand and wandered around with her,talking to customers.
After that when we went she stayed in her seat,watched him adoringly and waved whenever he smiled over at her.
I doorry that she either ruined a blossoming romance or broke up an office illicit affair.
I do think that on the whole children should be able to behave by aged 3 and in any instance if being a real nuisance be removed.

BenWillbondsPants · 21/09/2019 18:35

While you go off calling us parents who believe in gentle parenting

I also believe in gentle parenting. Why would you think I don't? I just don't believe that it means no parenting.

Frazzled2207 · 21/09/2019 18:36

Well I took ds to pizza express when he was about 18 months old and he was a complete nightmare and I was totally embarrassed. Yes was full of children but not ones running round at risk of tripping up the staff.

We ate up quickly and then left and did not return until he was at least 4.

CornishMaid1 · 21/09/2019 18:36

I don't think the behaviour at the table was too bad if the child was not shrieking or trying to climb over the booth.

Letting the child run off around the restaurant was dangerous. A parent walking with a child while they explore is one thing but a toddler on it's own in a busy restaurant is dangerous.

I also don't understand why they didn't pick the child up and rather than leave him sleep on the floor, especially as they had a booth seat he could lie on in safety.