To enjoy sex without an orgasm?

[ChangedName4it]

Hope the name change works

I don't have a massive sex drive when it comes to orgasms but enjoy the closeness of PIV sex. I don't orgasm from PIV only clitoral stimulation and after decades together dh and I know what works.

But an orgasm to me is so much more than the right touch. I need calm mind, no distraction, no drunkenness . So I don't always orgasm. I don't always even want to try to.

But I love the closeness of PIV. I love the feeling of dh enjoying it too.

Dh is concerned that I don't enjoy sex and that it's "your turn now, I've had more" but that's even more pressure!

So in short, AIBU to just want sex? No orgasm? To enjoy just sex?

Oh thank fuck the name change worked!

Am I being unreasonable to enjoy sex, regardless of whether or not orgasm is the result. Really?? That’s like saying am I unreasonable to enjoy a meal regardless of whether or not I have a massive shift afterwards.

There's cake. And then there's cake with icing. Cake is good

SHIT... I MEANT SHIT

I know but dh is just so bloody keen to keep it fair

And I just thought that the main goal of sex is an orgasm.

You’re not alone OP, I’m pretty much exactly the same as you and find it to be quite a bit of pressure when it’s “my turn”! There’s certainly nothing wrong with it :)

I’m with you OP. Except I do have a strong drive. If your dp is asking did you orgasm? Maybe try and get them to think did namechange enjoy it? Is she satisfied?

Yep, I'm with you. And I like the cake analogy

Hmmm, this is interesting. I'm so surprised people feel this way. I don't really have interest in a sexual experience that doesn't involve orgasm! Guess we are all different!

I would feel a bit disappointed if sex didn't culminate in an orgasm tbh, I definitely would find it frustrating. As a pp said though, we are all different!

The cake analogy is good. And for me, true.

Dh doesn't ask if I did - he knows if I did or didn't, I wouldn't fake it. But at some point before or after PIV ( or at a time totally separate to sex) we "do me". And I sometimes am not at all bothered about that part.

We are all different! It's whatever works for you, there's no wrong or right. :)

DH & I always orgasm together. I'd feel unsatisfied if I didn't reach orgasm, and I'd feel used if DH did and I didn't.

@Marzipane

You ALWAYS orgasm simultaneously?

Bullshit.

I’m a bit like you. Sometimes I orgasm and sometimes I don’t. Sometimes i enjoy it to the point that an orgasm would be too much as everything gets very sensitive. I always really really enjoy it. It’s taken several years for DH to accept that me really enjoying it is enough, and that it’s genuinely ok on those occasions that he orgasms and I don’t as it’s never because he’s doing the right thing.

@TheSheepofWallSt erm excuse me?!

Why on earth would I lie? DH & I have been together 11 years, we've always climaxed at the same time (give or take a few seconds).

How is that bullshit?

No! Of course YANBU!

I have to concentrate a bit to orgasm and sometimes I just don't want to put the effort in when I'm having a nice time (if that makes sense!)

I just reassure my husband that he's very wonderful and if I'm unhappy with his efforts, he'll be the first to know.

@Marzipane total bullshit!

Oh god it's so pressuring to think that the point of sex is orgasm! Read Pamela Stevenson's column in the guardian, or some of her other writing - she repeats this all the time.

*Stephenson

I have never had an orgasm with a partner. I have only ever achieved it on my own and maybe because I've learnt that it's a thing I do on my own that I may never orgasm with my dh. I do enjoy sex with him but orgasm with a partner has never happened for me but then I don't have a particular high sex drive

Tell him he's putting you off

Oh I don't care if I come or not tbh. If I'm desperate for an orgasm, I'll have a wank. It's just the icing on the cake with PIV, I enjoy it just as much without.

Oh god, tmi right now but I can't imagine anything more frustrating than not having an orgasm or two. But bodies are different so if it works for you then great.

YANBU! I love sex because of the closeness it provides, and I love making DH happy. I probably orgasm 50% of the time we have sex; the other 50%, I'm in the mood for the intimacy of sex but not for an orgasm IYSWIM.

I'm the same. V v low sex drive. It just isn't important to me. It's sounds naff but I'm happy with a cuddle.

TBH I only have sex because it is v important to husband. I do instigate it and am enthusiastic. I'm quite happy most of the time to concentrate on him. I think that frustrates him and I think he feels like a "failure" because I rarely orgasm but I'm not that bothered.

Plus it's just too much pressure when everything is focussed on me.

A few months ago someone asked "if I offered you ten million pounds for you to never have sex again would you take the money?" Apparently I answered yes a bit too quickly. Oops. His answer btw was no.