Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children should be locked up and never heard

471 replies

LittleBlueBag · 20/09/2019 15:33

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

OP posts:
DeniseRoyal · 21/09/2019 17:37

Some of your replies on here are way too harsh! You have my sympathies OP, 3 year olds can be a handful and you have 2 of them! It doesn't sound like were being naughty, just typical toddlers. It sounds like you are doing your best, must ne nice for all the ladies on here with their perfect children who never make a noise. YANBU.

Itallt0omuch · 21/09/2019 17:39

I can't be arsed to read a whole thread of people telling you you're at fault. Nobody would be speaking to you like that and certainly not a shop employee.

Makes me absolutely pmsl the amount of people that think that handling twin toddlers is anything like handling one. One toddler is a piece of piss compared to two. Hold the reins? Well then how do you pay for your stuff?

Itallt0omuch · 21/09/2019 17:42

Being a parent of multiples myself I constantly repeat the mantra to myself....no twins, no opinion.

Love this I'm going to repeat this to myself!

swingofthings · 21/09/2019 17:48

It sounds like you are doing your best, must ne nice for all the ladies on here with their perfect children who never make a noise
But its not about having perfect kids. My boy used to have terrible tantrums in public, refused to listen, defied me, but I did just stand there thinking 'he's just a 3yo, it's normal, I'll just let him cause trouble because that's what toddlers did. I talked to him, disciplined him, and punished him, that's how he's learned what is acceptable behaviour and what isn't and why by the time he started school, he was a well-behaved child.

As it's been said numerous time, it's not the child being judged, it's the parent, and it's not even the parents doing it right, it's the parents attempting to do it right. At least acknowledging that as a parent, their role is to teach kids what is acceptable and what isn't rather than moaning about people making comments about them not dealing with the misbehaviour of their children.

DisorganisedOrganiser · 21/09/2019 17:52

This is just ridiculous. The OP was paying at the time! It’s not as if she let them run riot in the shop for hours. Honestly OP don’t listen to all this unkindness Flowers.

CallmeBadJanet · 21/09/2019 17:54

I work with this age group, it's hard. Took a set of twins on an outdoor learning trip once, nightmare, they ran off in different directions laughing like Bond villains. So, parenting twins on your own is really, really tough. Don't listen to narky people in public, don't stop taking them out, tell them the behaviour you expect, or the reins get put on. And don't listen to judgemental people on MN. Unless they've done it, they won't have a clue what it's like. As for speech delay, it's not unusual for twins to have delayed speech, you are one parent splitting your attention in two directions. Sing songs with them. And for yourself, sing "I will survive". Good luck.

swingofthings · 21/09/2019 18:01

he OP was paying at the time! It’s not as if she let them run riot in the shop for hours
And she should have made sure they stayed closed to her. What if one had picked the mug, and dropped it on his toes, potentially cutting themselves. Or dropped it on an old frail lady walking pass?

Would she had said 'it doesn't need to take hours for bad behaviour to have poor consequences. Children deserve to be supervised, end of. If it means getting out of the line to get them and queuing again, so be it.

FelicisNox · 21/09/2019 18:02

Put your children back in the buggy.. they are not too big and they are old enough to understand that if they don't behave they don't get to walk.

Your children were touching items in the shop: not only is this not ok but if they broke those items YOU would have been required to pay for them. Remember that the next time you're out.

I'm sorry you have no support network. The fact that you've mentioned it shows you are probably exhausted so can I recommend gingerbread.org. They are a great resource for single parents.

Being a single mother has no bearing on this situation though: the behaviour you describe is not acceptable outside of your home so you need to grasp that now and look for a solution rather than an excuse because if you don't tackle it now you will be looking at bigger issues in the future.

Lou12124 · 21/09/2019 18:04

Wow! The amount of people who are slating OP! If anyone has had a toddler then youd understand...there is majority of the time no reasoning with a toddler let alone 2! I have 1 year old twins and a 3 year old. And trying to discipline the 3 of them is near on impossible at the moment. It doesn't mean I shouldn't be allowed out with the kids just because they are loud. Kids are loud...its not bad behaviour. If the kids are running riot, knocking things off shelves and bumping into people then that is bad behaviour. But not being loud!? That's them learning and expressing themselves.

Seriously OP I salute you for being a single mum to twins...everyone slating you can foxtrot!!

jenniferyellowhat12 · 21/09/2019 18:06

I’d say your twins are being normal kids their age. Ideally you could shop alone but I think you should have been given some slack . Would they have preferred the noise of screaming restrained children . You are not being unreasonable

PeoplesPoet · 21/09/2019 18:07

She overreacted. She was probably having a rough day.

I'd have a double buggy if it was me.

My 3 year old goes in a mountain buggy atm. Buggy goes up to age 4. I don't drive, he's very little for his age (looks about 2) and I can't expect him to walk the miles to shops/the Nursery etc. Ridiculously steep hills around here too (not fun pushing him up them!!). I get some filthy looks and whispers but I don't see how it's different to strapping him into a car seat and driving him everywhere instead! Also, he'd be a nightmare in shops if let lose. An absolute little terror with a smile on his face!

OhTheRoses · 21/09/2019 18:10

Well, I have to say OP, and mine are in their 20s, I might have thought it. I did think it in Sainbury's this afternoon as uncontrolled brats wheelied into me and scooted round the shop screeching. But I'd have kept it zipped and empathised and do you know what, it didn't matter when I gave a mighty pile of Disney card things to two little bratlings on the way out and their little faces lit up and they said thank you and their mums were equally delighted.

Can see both side but also remember an old bag looking at my grizzling toddler (she grizzled incessantly) and said "you know there's something wrong with that baby dontcha". I still glow when I recall the expression on her face when I said "Oh, I don't think so, I'm just an incredibly bad parent". Grin.

Nod and smile op, nod and smile. They may be a very bitter and unhappy person with a shit life ahead of them.

swingofthings · 21/09/2019 18:13

If anyone has had a toddler then youd understand...
Er, many of us had toddlers and had kids misbehaving, but didn't just stood when they needed to be disciplined.

It's not about berating OP, everyone has been there, it's about thinking that doing nothing about the situation was acceptable and having a go at someone rightly pointing out that she should have been trying to control her children, trying being the key word.

Frokni · 21/09/2019 18:13

I think OP it would have been best to write off this experience as a learning curve when out on ur own with kids. Maybe not posted about it on MN as none of us were there but you. and what is seen as a certain type of behaviour to you could be seen as v different to someone else.

Touching things and being loud really could be seen as kids being out of control to some. You being single has no bearing on others response to your kids behaviour in public.

swingofthings · 21/09/2019 18:14

This thread really shows why so many kids start school with so limited social skills and behaviour problems. It's no surprising the government think that all children should access some childcare before going to school despite the cost with so many parents thinking that disciplining kids is not on the parenting curriculum.

howyoulikemenow · 21/09/2019 18:17

It's unbelievable to me that on MUMSNET people don't understand that kids are loud and that if you tell them not to be loud it often doesn't make much of a difference! You end up listening to the sound of your own bloody voice telling them to be quiet.

howyoulikemenow · 21/09/2019 18:18

Just to add, I do actually do it but it makes little difference (they are 7,4 and 3).

Itallt0omuch · 21/09/2019 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
LittleBlueBag · 21/09/2019 18:24

Ffs does anybody actually read what I post?
I do teach them right from wrong. I do parent them. Every time they are naughty I tell them but they just don't understand. They can not communicate with me.
They are really behind, still under consultant care, speech therapy. They've been attending nursery since 6 months old for me to go to work.
They don't know colours or numbers or body parts or anything.
If given the chance I would of told him off. I just never had the chance too.
My children are loud, naughty, and I hold my hands up and say they are far from perfect.
I've not said otherwise.
The single parent thing is applicable to this post I believe as I'm completely exhausted. It was an insight into my life. I can not grab one child, carry them into a shop to quickly get an item. Work around a partner to go to the shop.

OP posts:
PeoplesPoet · 21/09/2019 18:25

Touching things and being loud really could be seen as kids being out of control to some

Seriously if an almost 3 year old stayed close to their parent at all times, around every shop, not touching a single thing and stayed totally quiet the entire time I'd be astonished!

Unless it's just mine who runs off (or tries to) when he sees something he likes and squeals excitedly/happily?! He's just turned 3. I mean his Nursery hasn't mentioned anything about him being particularly out of control or anything.

Venger · 21/09/2019 18:26

And she should have made sure they stayed closed to her

They were on reins, they were close to her.

princessTiasmum · 21/09/2019 18:29

It would have been better if the twins were in a buggy, i always think of James Bulger whenever someone says they took their eyes off them for a minute, who knows what could have happened besides them being loud,
I hate being in a shop when children are running around and parents don't seem to notice what they are doing
I had twins and always had them in a pushchair when i went shopping, could never have watched both and been at a checkout paying if they were loose

Itallt0omuch · 21/09/2019 18:30

@LittleBlueBag

Honestly those of us with twins get it. You're doing the best you can. It's possible to be standing in the queue with them both standing next to you nicely, and yet in the 10 seconds it takes to pay it's all gone tits up. Fuck all you can do about it in that instance. They're toddlers and there's two of them and one of you.

swingofthings · 21/09/2019 18:34

If given the chance I would of told him off. I just never had the chance too
Well that's fair enough, it would have easier if you'd written this in your first post and chosen a different subject title.

As said, it's a lesson learnt, you know next time that it might be easier to have a buggy. Don't let one person telling you off upset you, just tell yourself 'ok, today was not a great day, things could have been handled better, but tomorrow is another day'.

If you do discipline your kids in normal circumstances, then a one off is really nothing to worry about. Indeed, we've all had times when people have said things. I had a women give me a dirty look and make a nasty comments when my maybe was screaming in the street but I was only two streets from home and as it was December and freezing outside, I thought the best to do was to get home as soon as possible before feeding her. I just ignored her, she didn't know I was so close to home.

ashtrayheart · 21/09/2019 18:38

Some right arseholes with perfect children on this thread Wink
Don't worry OP, you're doing your best. Motherhood can be hard work, more so with multiples. Thanks

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.