Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

The staff member behind you in the queue at the checkout had absolutely no right to say anything derogatory about your three year old twins . Nothing was broken and nothing was damaged. You were correct to complain to the manager .
Your twins are the consumers of the future !

Bloody hell OP you’re getting an absolute roasting here. I can’t comment on your kids’ behaviour because we all see things differently and out of context, but I can say being a Mum is bloody hard work and its absolutely shite when someone, anyone, especially a barrage of anonymous people on the internet make you feel like a shit one. Big hugs to you and remember, it will get easier, honest xxxx

LittleBlueBag You don't have to explain yourself or justify anything. Please don't take any of the negative responses to heart. Some women get satisfaction from putting other women down (wait for the school playground). Ignore it. We're all doing our best and despite what some women think, it's not a competition. (PS the speech will get better, hang in there. Use Makaton, google I Can). You take care x

Jesus.. Don’t hold back everyone 🙄

Honestly some of these comments. The OP stated she is a single mother for context, no doubt if she hadn’t have stipulated that there would be a lot of comments such as ‘where was the father to help’ or ‘can’t you leave them with their dad whilst you shop’. They had reins on so clearly weren’t running riot in the store, simply touching something.

I have a toddler, he’s an only child so I have no idea how managing them both simultaneously would be but I let him explore shops or wherever we are because he isn’t causing any trouble, just looking. If he is excited then he can be louder than usual but if people get annoyed at a happy toddler(s) then they are probably the people to get annoyed by tantruming toddlers too. You can’t win!!

Get a grip and stop acting like you have never had any difficult times parenting and shaming other mums for asking for support. Isn’t that the whole point of mumsnet!?

Whatever happened to “it takes a village”. It’s a shame the person who thought you we’re struggling didn’t help instead of judge.

I was only getting a few items from said shop.
If you have a partner surely you can ask them to grab it for you. Or partner can wait in the car, or workaround going shopping alone. I'm sure there are many things people can do with a support network in place.
Someone posted a while back that I somehow manage to control my children from falling out a window or taking medication or electrocuting themselves. My house is baby proofed. Latches on windows, no medicine within reach. Safety gates everywhere. Most of what the twins say is just babble. By excited they laugh a lot. Squealing, Hugging me and grabbing me. They were really joyful and happy that day. One twin has a lot of issues around strangers. But he seemed almost confident for once and was lovely for me to witness that.

Why didn't you have both right beside you especially when you know they can be excited in such an environment? It seems to be the norm that stores are to be treated as playgrounds nowadays. If you think your children are noisy they are probably ten times louder.

So many judgy people on here. You are doing your best, which is all you can do. Kids make noise. Unless they were screaming, or it was a library, a little noise is no big deal. Not sure how other people expect you to hold onto both of them and also do the shopping. If they will stay with you while you are going round a store then I would say you probably have extremely well behaved children and should pat yourself on the back. Hang in there, OP. Most people will be able to imagine how hard it is to manage two toddlers on your own. It will get easier!

Its not easy, but at the same time no one wants to be disturbing by lively children in public . If they are liable to run off then a buggy solves the problem.

Don't worry you didn't do anything wrong. You are right two year olds are perfectly capable of walking and don't necessarily need a buggy. Shopping is hard with kids and you have two the same age. The woman had no right to speak to you like that. Out of interest what did the manager say?

Wow!
@LittleBlueBag You've had some harsh responses. It's impossible for anyone here to say if your children were being unruly or not. Some parents are oblivious and a lot of the comments you had here are assuming you are one of them. Only you know the answer to that.
It's clear that you are doing a tough job and deserve credit for that. So for you.
To those saying being a single mum is irrelevant... if she hadn't said that then she would have been bombarded with posts suggesting she leave one or both dc with their dad. Then would have been accused of drip feeding when she explained!
People who can't stand children should stay home... They exist and they have to Learn how to behave before they know! Don't assume that because they don't know yet that they are not being taught .

I can see both sides of this coin.
Firstly TWO non speaking multiple child or whatever you want to call them TWINS ARE DIFFERENT! And single mum means no back up, no support, with bringing them up, separating them and trying to teach them individually. No one to give you a hand, no one tidies up when you do the bath and bed routine, it’s all there for YOU when you come back down the stairs. I see your point. The kids aren’t manageable right now! I get it, you could do with a lift. Do they still have the Sure Start Scheme for kids under 5? Only a suggestion!
Secondly, the kids Rob are a bit loud, a shop is not the right environment. That sales asst could have wound her neck in a bit, I think she overstepped the language boundaries but I also think if you had her job, you’d understand her point of view?
I’m rob teaching grandma to .........., but, how about running off all that energy in a kiddipark or soft lay Centre or with just a ball in the park and wellies etc on?
Chin up hunni, it won’t be like this forever and everyone knows that parenting doesn’t come with a handbook.
Don’t clean up when the twins are sleeping. If I were you I’d be knackered, get some rest yourself and you’re more likely to get your finger back on the button. Sorry if I’m rambling. I’m on your side x

I struggle to go out and do things with my toddler, so I understand how frustrating it can be. I would have had to see what the kids were doing to have an opinion on if they should have been in the pram or not. But you need to realise that some people are just jerks, and will say awful things to others. Don't take it to heart, you really should have turned around had a bit of an "itchy eye" then complained to the manager, because a staff member that speaks to customers like that is going to lose them a lot of business.

The shop assistant was harsh BUT you can’t let your DC play with things in shops that you have no intention of buying. If shopping is a problem for you then either a double buggy, online shopping or a babysitter would be good solutions.

Of course, a couple of 2 years old - nearly 3 - might struggle to stay next to you quietly, so you make sure they do. That's your job

If you wouldn't mind sharing your strategies rather than just your judgement, it would be super helpful as you seem.yo have it all under control. Please share your top tips, how to do them and what to do if they don't work please..

Just forget about it. Not harm was done and it must be hard to manage two with no support. Maybe avoid shops as much as possible or go when they are in nursery. My two were always hard in shops.

Cannot believe how rude and judgemental most of you are! Never seen so many self-righteous, judgemental, snobby, stuck up, perfect parents anywhere in my life! Yes small children can be loud and annoying - parent blaming is absolute bull. Its what small children do! And why should she give a toss as to what other people think - she shouldn't. They were on reins and just messed around abit at the tills, its not like they were climbing shelves and mugging old ladies! You should all mind your own business and focus on your perfect Peter's who were not allowed to be children just in case someone else was offended. Fml what is the world coming to!!! DO NOT FEEL ASHAMED OP - kids are kids and will mess around even prince George gets a ticking off from his mother in public from time to time.

Anyone that gets annoyed at a small child being happy is a miserable sod

@LittleBlueBag posting in aibu is tantamount to saying please slag me off, there always seems to be a pile on of people who can't wait to tell you you're wrong. It sounds like you are doing your best. That age is mega challenging and x2 😮 you have my sympathy!

I still use a little umbrella fold buggy with my 4 yr old twins if I’m on my own & think I’ll need it to keep them under control, or one will go one way & the other another way.

Not necessarily your children, but children need to learn the difference between private home space, shared play space and shared civic space. In civic space children need to be aware that they need to be quieter and more considerate. Some adults encourage children to perform. Some parents, for eg on buses, let their children cry it out. I don't mean the mums who try to distract hungry or restless children.

At that age i would feel safer having them in a pushchair or a trolley. It's not at all safe or appropriate to have them running round a shop touching or playing with things.

The twins are delayed. Both born months early. In special care for months, low birth weight, on going issues.
How can I possibly teach them right from wrong when they just don't understand,
Of course I always tell them off when misbehaving.
I'm not a performance parent if that's what one person meant. I'm not a lazy parent.
I am however a struggling parent trying to do my best to encourage them.

They are amazing little people. Not overly naughty just haven't got the understanding yet between what is right in social situations.

I have a double pram that I didn't have on me, I was miles from home and it would take me a lot longer to put up and dismantle than run in and out of a shop with the children on reins.

I wish I was as good a mother as all the posters on here! I hope the OP hasn't got low self esteem because it'll be in her boots after all the judgement on here!