Children should be locked up and never heard

[LittleBlueBag]

I'm a single mother and today went to a large out of town store with my toddler twins who are almost 3. Too old for the pram and eager to explore.
I was paying for an item at the till and one of the twins was looking at a mug. He touched it but it remained on the hook. The other twin was happy playing with a car from the store.
They were being loud but were excited. A staff member who must of just finished her shift and was behind me waiting to pay for an item told me the children were very naughty and we should not be allowed out in public if I can't control them. She said they're behaviour is awful and just made me feel really shitty about myself.
They are a handful and can be naughty but just normal toddler behaviour.
I must of turned my back on them for a split second. It's impossible to carry them both.
So wise mumnetters? Are my children really that bad?
I did complain to the manager but I was so ashamed.

I didn’t have twins but did have 4 within 6 years. I am not a single mother either. Were there times when my children were not perfectly behaved... absolutely. Was I doing my best... absolutely. My “kids” are now 25,23,21 and 18.5. Can we just cut people a bit of slack and stop pretending we always have everything under control and operate in a perfect environment. My kids are really lovely, productive, kind adults and I am so glad that people weren’t so pet when they were babies.

*perfect

Read the first 100 messages, couldn't bear the next 274 with the majority berating you. What a shower. No-one's perfect and YANBU. The staff member was really unprofessional. Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all helped each other out rather than seethe inwardly at someone struggling to cope. All of you spouting your bile at the OP must have real anger issues!

I think the point here is not how well, or badly behaved the twins were, it’s what the shop assistant said - if she felt OP was letting her twins run riot (which to be fair it doesn’t sound like she was), it would have been far more appropriate to offer OP some help. Or if the assistant was that appalled to have said that she felt the OP should have handled it differently.
BUT to say to someone in a shop that you work in, in front of other customers, that you think the customer and her children should not be allowed out in public is frankly appalling.
I hope that this training need is picked up and dealt with by the store.
And OP I applaud you for battling the shops with 2 toddlers - please don’t stop because of one persons rude behaviour

If they are really delayed and can’t follow instructions, won’t run off and couldn’t be understood by someone else put them in the buggy for their own safety and others. If somehow you dropped a rein near a road how do you get back said running toddler.. let go of the other or drag the other into traffic.

During the week I had a mum of three drive me a Absolutely insane on public transport cause “they’re only kids” dcs 6,5 and 2. 2 yo was in a buggy screaming in an elderly mans face because “you won’t like it” to a wotsit her sisters had... man offered a sweet she refused for her.. understandable she’s 2 they have tantrums...

Except I was left with the 6 n 5 year olds in the other buggy space, where they proceeded to climb on my 6month olds pram, shove it into my pregnant stomach, slap the fabric hood pushing it towards ds, ramming their faces in his, climbing over the entire seat and full luggage space and hammering the button making it beep right in my ear for 30 minutes.. the icing on the cake was the bloody wotsits. DS has multiple serious (anaphylactic) food reactions and is allergic to dairy and the two wotsit covered darlings attempted to poke ds and his toys (which inevitably go in his mouth immediately) Yes I admit i lost it and gave their mother an ear full as by that point I was trying to stop them breaking my pram and giving my child a serious reaction on my own with only the bus driver himself telling them off for pushing the button.. what I got back was “they’re just kids” again she was told I don’t care there were over a dozen kids on the bus.. only two causing real trouble. Also not once did she shh the toddler/offer an alternative or look up from her phone until she had a screaming woman handing her her children

OP I seriously can’t believe the amount of shit you’re getting on here. So many people haven’t been arsed to read your post properly before making massively judgy comments. My DS2 has just started school so the toddler years aren’t far behind me - but I thank god they are! I just had the one and it could be a total nightmare. At the end of the day, the staff member was incredibly rude and unprofessional. You just don’t speak to customers that way. End of.

What on earth does the scenario on the bus have to do with the op? Are you trying to suggest they're in any way comparable?

I think I'd have had a double buggy for shopping in your situation. They are more like early 2s in their stage of development and it was never going to go well. We've only got your side of the story about what they did, and realistically people don't go up to strangers and complain about a "little bit of noise".

But also people don't go up to strangers and say they shouldn't be allowed out in public. That's appalling.
Even if they broke the mugs, even if they ran into people, even if I didn't parent them. We shouldn't be allowed out?
None of the above happened but surely as a society we need to be kinder.

You just don't know someone's circumstances.
Likewise I don't know hers but I just can't excuse what she said. I've had the worst year and I still wouldn't be that nasty to someone even on my worst days.

I feel your pain, as a grandmother to 3 yr old twins, I can just imagine the scenario. My daughter never goes anywhere on her own, for fear of exactly the same happening to her.
You just carry on doing the best you can and flip the bird to anyone else who has anything negative to say to you.
Just remember, it will get easier, or so I’m told!.......

but LittleBlueBag, as mentioned above, what if your toddler had dropped the mug on someone foot and it shattered on their leg? What if your other child playing with the car had run into another child, make them trip and broke their legs?

This is what the comment about 'not letting you in public' might have referred to.

In the end, as said, we only had your account of what happened. Maybe that woman was indeed totally over exagerating the situation and letting the frustration of her bad day on you, but at the same time, your first post indicate that your kids are a handful and that you were not supervising them at this point, so it could very well be that they were indeed being a real nuisance or even danger that everyone was obvious to, but you were not.

As said, all you can do is either opt to totally ignore her because she is not worth wasting your energy on if you are totally confident that you kids did nothing wrong and you were not letting them act dangerously, or you can reflect on what she said and consider whether maybe, you were undermining the situation and that maybe, just maybe your kids were acting in a way that very much disturbed others or were potentially causing some hazards.

@Itallt0omuch it’s a perfect example of people who think “kids being kids” anywhere is perfectly acceptable. They shouldn’t be playing with things in shops, buses aren’t play parks. The only difference is she couldn’t have stuck a 6 n 5 year old in a buggy to prevent it. I wonder if she’d have had a go at the manager if one of them had broke the mug and hurt themselves. Cause sure as shit the mum on the bus would’ve went mental at the bus company if her darling had fallen while using it as a climbing frame.

Absolutely nonsense to suggest the op is anything like that woman on the bus.

Just wait till your PFB is a toddler. You're pregnant again with a 6 month old. Let's see how well you cope with two toddlers at the same time.

as mentioned above, what if your toddler had dropped the mug on someone foot and it shattered on their leg? What if your other child playing with the car had run into another child, make them trip and broke their legs?

Yeah and if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle.

If the mug had smashed it was at such a low height it wouldn't cause any harm. It wasn't heavy enough to break bones. And of course I wouldn't blame the store. I would firstly shout at my child and then hold myself accountable.
I'm not saying that him touching the mug was acceptable. I'm also not saying that I was being a perfect parent. What I am saying is for a shop assistant to tell me and my children we shouldn't be allowed out, in front of other staff and customers, is frankly disgusting.

All these what ifs. They could be applied in any situation at any time. He touched a mug. That's all. He didn't start throwing them at little old women or children.

Don't feel ashamed for being a single mother and don't feel guilty neither about your twins. Others posts on here that have written very negative comments, obviously a)have no children or b)children that are too scared to be children because of their perfectly stepford wives mother!
Toddlers are loud and don't no when to turn the volume down,can have a massive meltdown over nothing,find anything that is in their reach exciting no matter what it is will grab for it.

Pay no attention to these that don't have a clue, you as a mother should feel proud that you are trying your best ,it's hard having one toddler but two twice the work. People are intitled to have an opinion but jeez give the poor woman a break.

If you've come across swing before you'll note that these sort of posts are very very typical. I wouldn't engage with that one to be honest.

Op please don't take any of this to heart. It's hard enough to get out with twins let alone when idiots tell you you shouldn't be allowed out or assume your children are out of control because they touched something in a shop. Like these perfect mother's perfect children never touched anything they shouldn't

Yeah and if my aunt had balls she'd be my uncle
Well she must be then because it is exactly what happened to me as a kid except I was at home and I was carrying the mug (wanted to bring it to my mum but didn't realise the weight). Not only did it burnt me but I got cut on the leg bad enough to need stitches, hence thinking of this scenario.

LittleBlueBag, if the issue is the way she went about expressing what she thought, why didn't you title said something like 'verbally abused by shop attendant for no good reason' rather than the title about kids expected to be locked up and never heard, as that wasn't the situation you are describing.

And don't shove your children into a buggy because some people think that's what you should do. Your children wont have the opportunity to learn how to behave if they are strapped into a buggy, and walking obviously helps them burn off energy.

Swings I used that title because that's exactly how I felt. We should be locked away. We should not be heard. We shouldn't be allowed out in public. I posted not long after it all happened and I'm sorry the title isn't up to some people's standards but it is just a title.

I would be a bit concerned as well that you said they are a bit behind in communication at the mo as they were premature.... get that looked at. My brother was 3 months prem and my aunt almost 4 but had no speech delay.

Lisa thanks they are both under consultants and also salt

Developmental delays are common in prem twin boys. Not necessarily something to worry about.

Wow! You must’ve posted this when only the nasty mumsnetters were about!
Don’t worry - you are doing your best. Don’t take shitty tips from shopkeepers and don’t listen to the ones on here saying you should control your children better/should tie them down/gag them/never leave the house...
As I said, you are doing your best. Keep doing it. I’ve been you and I get how you are feeling, but now I have no issue telling people to fuck off when they try to tell me how to control my not-so-obvious autistic 4yr old son when he is having a meltdown in the middle of the aisle in Sainsbury’s. The fact he looks like he is 7, not 4, and he is extremely verbal and high functioning so you wouldn’t know unless you were highly trained or have a child on the spectrum yourself makes it even harder. He can be absolutely fine and like every other child his age, happy, laughing, chatting, making people “awwwww” as they walk past because they hear him saying the cutest things to me... until he spots a tiny, almost invisible bit of milk on the floor in the milk aisle or we haven’t gone down every single aisle in order or the shop have changed their set up so it feels like he is lost and overwhelmed and then has the most epic meltdown unless I can spot it coming in time and do damage control - however to some judgey arseholes I have a brat and should be disciplining him, not dropping everything and getting down on his level and doing breathing techniques with him or talking him through the chaos in his head. Don’t get me wrong - he gets told off (almost daily now he is testing his cheekiness and pushing boundaries!) and gets times out, but I know the difference and I know when and how to pick my battles and often members of the public think they can do better...
when in actual fact they either don’t have children or can’t see that little Rosie and Jim that they are raising at home are actually serial killers in the making