Do I visit too much?

[shellet]

My Dad is 80 and in poor health, 6 weeks ago he moved 250miles to a care home near to me. I visit him everyday sometimes for a few hour sometimes just an hour, I've taken him out etc. He doesn't want to mix with the other residents, he was like this at his previous home. The manager took me aside today and gave me some results of some recent scans, it looks very likely that my Dad has cancer. She said the Dr would discuss it with me when she gets back from holiday. The manager told me that by visiting so often it wasn't giving the staff chance to get to know him etc. I felt quite uncomfortable and unwelcome. I left. I feel that my Dad is declining rapidly and want to spend all the time I can with him. Now I feel like I'm intruding. I'm torn. How often should I visit then?

My Dad has now passed away.

Post edited by MNHQ

Oh Shelley, I am so sorry for your loss.

I am glad, though that you had so much quality time to be with him at the end. You did absolutely the right thing. I am sure that made a huge difference to your father and I hope is a comfort to you.....

Sending and deep sympathy

Anytime any kind of care manager whether it be for your children or your parents tells you to resteict visits thats a huge red flag. HUGE
....I would up my visits and start visiting at differebt times of day

@shellet. I’m so sorry to hear about your Dad, but understand your relief he’s no longer in pain x

You did the right thing 🌷💕

She just doesn't want you looking over their shoulders. Alarm bells would ring for me there, keep visiting! I've seen lots of I'll treatnent in nursing homes. Lots of old people develop bed sores and chest infections because it's too much harassment to get them up out of the beds. Well done you op for being such a lovely daughter

So sorry I didn't read the whole thread. Very sorry for your loss xx

I’d be suspicious of any care home that didn’t want family visiting “too often”. What laziness or worse are they trying to hide? Probably just being jobsworths, but still they should respect the fact that frequent visits prevent abuse and are good for residents.

OP, it’s lovely of you to visit your Dad so often. Don’t be put off. Your loving care will be even more vital to him as his health declines.

Please everybody read the full thread, p 6. OP's father passed away.

so sorry Shellet.
I know something of what you are going through.
well done for being there with him, lovingly, and persistently;
you did what was right and what you wanted to do. you loved him as much as you could. he will have felt that. and been warmed by the same love he gave to you so long ago. now try to go on being kind to yourself, as he would wish.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

The staff feels like they have to do their job fully and carefully for patients who have frequent visitors. Managers like this one need to be watched very carefully.

I am so sorry for your loss and so glad you visited him often.

I sorry for your loss. It was very kind of you to visit so often and I’m sure your dad appreciated it and enjoyed your visits

Tell the manager to fuck off. Even if you visit 8hrs a day they still have 16 hours with him - What a twat of a manager. Enjoy your dad, and let him enjoy you, you sound like a lovely daughter.

Who gives a damn about the staff having to get to know your dad if it means you have to see him less? If your dad wants you to visit daily and you want to then I suggest you continue visiting that often. Don't let them make you feel uncomfortable. What a CF!

I am so sorry but I have just seen your update. I am so sorry for your loss. It's huge to lose a parent and my heart goes out to you.

OP I'm so sorry for your loss

@shellet Softest of ((((((((Madd Hugs))))))💐🌻🌼🌻💐

Sorry for your loss ,treasure the time you spent with him 💐☂️☔️

You spend as much time as possible with him and don't let anyone make you feel you shouldn't. Make that crystal clear to yourself, time is precious.

So sorry, just read your update, strength and a hug to you

Sending hugs. I'm so pleased you ignored the care home and visited as you pleased and made so many memories with you dad, I'm sure he loved every minute of your company. Please take care of yourself and if you feel you need help to cope seek it.

If anyone told me not to visit my Dad I'd swing for them!! You visit as MUCH as you like, when you like! I'm sorry you are going through this

Good grief! What kind of care home is this?
Support your dad by visiting as often as you want OP.
Unbelievable

Sorry OP, just seen update.
My deepest condolences for the loss of your dear dad