Was ibu to react like this. Should i say sorry

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Honestly it was a reaction i couldnt control. Before i could stop myself it just came out. Was waiting to lift ds5 from school today and chatting with the other mums. One said about her baby going next week for her year vaccines and another mum jumped in and said your really shouldnt my ds never got any of his because her sisters friends dd caught autism from them. Before i could stop myself i let out a laugh and said oh for god sake are you serious. I said you cant catch autism first off and second that bloody crap about the vaccine causing autism has been proven to be a load of crap. She tried to argue her point but i just said look im not listening and went in got my ds and left. A few mums agreed with me but this mum has just messaged me saying shes upset at how i acted and would like me to say sorry infront of the other mums at drop off in the morning. I told her im sorry for upsetting you but i wont say sorry at the school because i think shes being a fool. This is a grown woman whos at least 30 and truthfully i did think she was a smart woman till that. Do people really still think you can "catch" autism from a vaccine

I wouldn't apologise.
You are right.

Tell the school as well.

She's putting everyone's kids and pregnant mums at risk because she's an idiot.

Whether or not you think her opinion is foolish, you should have responded with more tact. I believe everyone should have the choice in what to do with their children. How can you be against anti vaxxers but call yourself pro choice? As a parent you make choices as soon as you are charged with the life of your offspring. Also, if you vaccinate your child against the newest strain of wtf the government convince you to, it should work right??? I mean, you don't know what's in the vial but there is no way they can lie to you right??? Before anyone assumes I have had all my children vaccinated not because I feel it works, but because the fear of something going wrong that I could have prevented is exactly why the big pharma and people in power could get people to drink straight up poison if they scare them enough. That's OK though, isn't it??

A lot of these anti Vaxxers are insufferable arseholes and should be prosecuted for endangering their children and others. I would only be apologising for not making more of a point of what a twat she really is.

Yanbu at all, you were a lot nicer than i would have been i would have laughed in her face too

YANBU and I would have done the same. I have no patience for this sort of shit.

You’ve apologised and she either accepts it or not, but you’re not going to do what she wants and flagellate yourself in front of an audience so she can claim she was right.

And I don’t see anything ‘cruel’ about the way OP went about this tbh.

She’s mis-informed, but you publicly bullied her. Do you think people have the right to bully others because they are not very bright? Do you teach your kids to do that?

Whether or not you think her opinion is foolish

I think this is the crux of the issue. Being anti-vax is an opinion I find foolish, and I'm generally inclined to be polite to people with opinions I find foolish. However "vaccines cause autism" isn't an opinion, it is a dangerous lie. And dangerous lies should be called out head on.

Whether or not you think her opinion is foolish,

Her opinion was not only factually wrong but she was trying to push it unasked onto the mother of a young and still to be vaccinated child which is dangerous.

you publicly bullied her.
Op didn't do this she just pointed out she was talking nonsense. She could have done this more gently but she didn't bully her.

My daughter had a severe reaction to her vaccines whilst we were still at the surgery. I’ve never seen a GP and nurse look so anxious. Turns out reactions are actually quite common and some can be severe, as in my daughter’s case. Her reaction was reported to PHE on the ‘yellow card’. She can’t have any more because of the risk of anaphylaxis. I’m open minded about vaccines but it’s wrong to say they can’t cause side effects, just take a look at the product insert that comes with the injection (not the NHS leaflet they give out).

I wish we could have open discussion about the risks/benefits and stop dividing people into pro or anti vax.

You had a valid opinion that you voiced as a adult. Fuck apologising, is she apologising for her contribution to the reintroduction of serious, life threatening diseases?

you publicly bullied her. Do you think people have the right to bully others because they are not very bright?

And then the other mum confronted the OP AGAIN with her kids in tow and shouted at her - I don’t think the OP has been out of order. She apologised to the other mum for how she delivered the information but she was absolutely correct to do so.

You are not being unreasonable...
My opinion is she doesn't deserve an apology I would have reacted the same. I may have even thought she was having a laugh blurting out such nonsense.
You cannot catch autism, and people who just decide not to vaccinate their children have their own minds and entitled to make their own decisions but then said child can become seriously ill with no immunity and adds to the measles spreading... Personally I think it's silly not to vaccinate your children I've never actually understood the logic behind how some people are so against protecting their babies/children from harmful diseases!!!!

On another note my younger brother when he had one set of imms which was including the meningitis. Within 24hr he had full blown menegecoccal septicaemia and was extremely hill and quarantined as such in hospital. Doctors advised not live injections but now there is no history of his meningitis on medical records. 🤔 And said brother has been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome.

This occurance still didn't put me off vaccinating my 3 children. Who are perfectly healthy mentally and physically!!! 👍

Do not apologise

*ill not hill haha 😂

Honestly, you could control it.

Regardless of someone's ignorance, stupidity or whatever - you belittled her and laughed at her and had a little rant at her. And you did it in front of other people. People she has to see every day.

It was cruel and you know it was. You posted here in the hope of other people validating your negative behaviour (which some always will, hence the post).

You could have just as easily explained what you said rather than using it as a whacking stick.

YANBU to have a better understanding than her but YWBVU to behave that way to her, especially in front of a crowd of people.

And it may be worth acknowledging the how much you upset her and the courage she's had to muster to message you about it.

Nope, you did nothing wrong. If someone had said "I am choosing to potentially infect the world with a deadly virus and I don't give a rats arse about any of the immune compromised people" then any response in the negative is just fine. And that is literally what she is saying. She is saying 'I am happy to risk the lives of immune comptomised people and people who can't have vaccinations because I am a stupid fuck who thinks my child will catch a non catchable and genetic condition from the vaccines...' She is an idiot and a dangerous one and a slap would not be too harsh.

sunshine11 so your dc is unable to have vaccines because she reacts poorly to them. Then you should be TOTALLY in favour of vaccination as your dc is now reliant on herd immunity to protect her. There will always be a very small number of people who for various reasons can not be vaccinated. Autism is not one of the reactions. Never was, never will be. But yes, allerigic reactions can happen. So can allergic reactions to egg. Do you suggest no one is ever allowed to eat eggs? No, you figure out that you can't eat egg and you hope that people around you help you manage to avoid egg. You don't stop vacinations because some people reat poorly to them. You encourage all those who do not react poorly to them to get vaccinated so they and those like your dc who can not be vaccinated are also protected.

Toomuchtrouble4me so you think talking harshly to someone who is recklessly and selfishly endangering people is bullying. It's not. The woman is a dangerous menace. Talk top her as such.

Just ignore the whole thing. Neither of you were particularly polite or open minded. Do you honestly think you change minds by behaving like that? You’ve probably fuelled her paranoia and entrenched her views.

You aren’t wrong, but you didn’t have to make her look more stupid than she is. I think you’ll regret that.

No, you weren't being unreasonable. No, you shouldn't apologise. Yes, you should keep away from people like that as anti-vaxxers are more than happy to have herd immunity for themselves and their children, but won't have their children immunised. Anyone can look at sensible and well-researched articles on mainstream media news websites about this.

Andrew Wakefield, who took money for publishing flawed research, has been stricken off the medical register.

How you react to dangerous stupidity does not require you to apologise.

YABU and so is everyone else that has name called on this thread. I totally agree that her view on vaccinations is wrong and dangerous but you were fucking rude. There was no need to be like that and to embarrass her in front of everyone.

@Julia001 I totally agree, we really should be able to prosecute anti vaxers. Or if that is not an option, stick them on an island somewhere with all the other extremists...

@Oilyskinproblems so we should all be nice "little women" and never call anyone out. Allow extremist views to be propagated in public without any rebuke. We should sit nicely, play nicely and allow dangerous people to spout dangerous views. No way, that's how their poisonous views spread. We have a responsibility to ourselves, to our families, and our communities, we must stand up to these extremists. Rational thought or discussion does not work with them. Ridicule is a better tool than shouting.

Tell her you want her to apologise tomorrow for being judgemental and spreading misinformation.