Was ibu to react like this. Should i say sorry

[Anonmummyoftwo]

Honestly it was a reaction i couldnt control. Before i could stop myself it just came out. Was waiting to lift ds5 from school today and chatting with the other mums. One said about her baby going next week for her year vaccines and another mum jumped in and said your really shouldnt my ds never got any of his because her sisters friends dd caught autism from them. Before i could stop myself i let out a laugh and said oh for god sake are you serious. I said you cant catch autism first off and second that bloody crap about the vaccine causing autism has been proven to be a load of crap. She tried to argue her point but i just said look im not listening and went in got my ds and left. A few mums agreed with me but this mum has just messaged me saying shes upset at how i acted and would like me to say sorry infront of the other mums at drop off in the morning. I told her im sorry for upsetting you but i wont say sorry at the school because i think shes being a fool. This is a grown woman whos at least 30 and truthfully i did think she was a smart woman till that. Do people really still think you can "catch" autism from a vaccine

OP - I caught measles (before vaccination was available) and my sight has been permanently damaged.

Please keep speaking up against such ignorance

Though you're not wrong...you're reaction was VERY childish. I feel sorry for her

Her reaction is totally out of proportion now. Yes, perhaps you were 'strident', but not inordinately so. Creating a WhatsApp group with everyone except you? How childish. Def ignore.

Your facts are correct but your attitude sucks.
You've also made it seem that people who support vaccines are rude and intractable.
You've not advanced your cause. If your cause was to explain why vaccines are important. But it sounds as though your 'cause' may have been to humiliate another mum.
No-one will remember this was about vaccines but everyone will remember you chose to act like an arse.

tell her EVEN if it was true, better to be autistic than DEAD from measles!

I had twins both difficult deliveries. I decided I would postpone vaccines. Later when I had decided I felt comfortable with the programme the Dr administering the first dose asked why I had delayed. When I said I just felt it was better to wait just a bit longer I was shocked by his response ie yes, you were wise as it would have been very difficult to distinguish if your children had brain damage due to birth if you had gone ahead with vaccines. Had never given that a thought! You seemed to have over reacted. I would apologise for how but not why you did.

I agree, you’re not wrong, but the underlying message she’s hearing from you is that she’s a bad mother. I don’t think a public apology is called for. It would just reinforce her view that she’s right, but I would simply reply to her message saying, ‘I know I shouldn’t have laughed at you, but you need to read the science on this and if you’re still convinced then we must agree to disagree.’

I was recently talking to a friend in a cafe about the dangerous rise of veganism and the health impact of a restrictive diet when a woman who I didn’t know and had never seen before launched a verbal attack at me, telling me she was vegan and perfectly healthy. Her appearance suggested the contrary! Her skin was waxen and she looked anorexic. As misguided as she is ( there is a reason vegans have to take supplements of essential vitamins) I simply said more or less what I’m advising you, ‘we will have to agree to disagree.’ Although I was sorely tempted to point out that she shouldn’t have been eavesdropping on a private conversation!

The other mum is (completely uninvited) actively trying to persuade the parent of a tiny baby not to vaccinate their child. That is shocking behaviour that merits a very strong reaction. The other mum's behaviour is so far out of line that you really have no need to worry about social conventions when responding. She's lucky you just laughed at her and walked away. Normalising her dangerous behaviour as a "difference of opinion" as a lot of posters have done is really not on.

I suggest you stand up in front of all the mothers at the school and apologise for pointing out how stupid this woman was. And give them her address in case there's an outbreak of anything nasty so they know who to blame.

YANBU this kind of ignorance infuriates me.. nearly as much as the people that say my son doesn't look autistic!!! Or say he can't be he's got loads of friends 🙄

the underlying message she’s hearing from you is that she’s a bad mother.

She is failing in a basic parenting duty but I doubt someone who feels confident enough to launch unasked into these views in public is going to hear any such message.

‘Caught autism’

Fucks sake.

'Sorry you're a fuckwit whose dangerous batshit ideas could lead to the deaths of children through totally preventable diseases'.
My uncle died of polio as a baby, it destroyed my gran. I have no time for these idiots and wouldn't give 2 shits about being rude to them.

I wouldn't apologise to her on front of people but if its mentioned again say each to their own.

“I’m sorry that you’re such an idiot”

Only as a last resort though

Don’t get too close. You might ‘catch stupid’.

I am not one of those people who say what they think. I would have just sent myself a mental note to avoid her at all costs in future.
It sounds like you just think then say which in a way is admirable because everyone will know where they stand with you.
I am also impressed that you slammed down her insidious views shared by many a nutter on the internet.

"About the autism thing, you asked for an apology, I'm sorry you are an ill-informed idiot who feels you are entitled to risk the health of every other child".

Complain to the school. They ban peanuts why not ban the germ factory".

a) whether or not she was right, she has no power to dictate how and when you apologise, if at all. She can't demand it be done in a certain way. Just say no.

b) in this particular case she wasn't right and needs no apology at all. She is endangering other people's lives, including her own dc, because of her poorly-researched claptrap. Maybe her dc wouldn't suffer too badly, but immunocompromised people will. She literally doesn't care about other people dying as a result of her (in)action. So no, she doesn't need an apology. She needs a dose of reality.

YANBU utter twats like that deserve to be laughed out of town. There's no excuse, all the necessary education and information is there. It's plain wilful ignorance and stupidity and I will never respect that for a second.

Don't apologise for anything. If you give an inch, it will be taken as a mile. You are right and she is wrong and that's the end of it. There comes a point where good manners and keeping quiet for the sake of not rocking the boat do more harm than good.

Vegan - an Apache word meaning useless hunter.

Posted before reading the whole thread. I see you have made a partial apology and it has indeed been taken as an admission of guilt. This woman is beyond the reach of reason. Fortunately the other parents seem to be a bit more clued up.

My daughter is on the autistic spectrum and is wonderful. She and I both get incandescent about idiots like this school mum. Autism is no picnic but (a) it's not caught from having a vaccination and (b) even if it was, measles kills! Is she really saying she'd rather risk a child dying than living but being on the autistic spectrum?

If she starts up again, go with "X, you are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts. Vaccinations do not cause autism. However, I shouldn't have laughed or stormed off because it was rude and for that I have already apologised. If that isn't good enough there is nothing else to say."

So you apologise for the bit you are sorry for (rudeness) but reiterate the bit you aren't sorry for (stating facts). I'm actually not sure being polite to people spreading dangerous lies is actually a good thing, so I'd probs not even apologise for the bad manners.

Absolutely not I would have done exactly the same as you! As for apologising in front of other mums, that is ridiculous. Why do they need to hear any apology? She can get lost!