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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think partner shouldn't have done this

192 replies

Quinbase · 17/09/2019 10:52

Name changed as I could be identified.

I've been with husband for 6 years. Married for 2. And we have 5 year old twins and a 1 year old.

On Saturday we went out (we never go out much usually but my brother was free to look after the children) with one of husbands friends. I went to the loo and when I came back I saw him kissing his friend and his friend was shocked. Husband was drunk but his friend wasn't.

And then he told me to leave him alone and he loves his friend. And then he kept trying to hold hands with his friend. I left.

On Sunday I spoke to him about it and he said i was lying and his friend was aswell. But he said so what if it happened and it doesn't mean he's gay.

AIBU to think he shouldn't have done this? What can I do?

OP posts:

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 18/09/2019 10:24

What would he say if the situation was reversed?

Zaphodsotherhead · 18/09/2019 10:50

In vino, veritas, I think.

It wouldn't so much be the kiss, it would be the constant lying, as though if he says it enough times (that he didn't do it), it will suddenly become true. Have you asked him what you and his friend could POSSIBLY have to gain from BOTH lying about this? Why would you want to 'wind him up' with something so hurtful to YOU? And why would it be this and not saying he kissed the waitress or a woman?

PaulHollywoodsleftbollockhair · 18/09/2019 11:18

You don't need his permission to leave this relationship.

If you are married then it is just as much your house as his.

Op- you are in an abusive relationship.

Original poster

Quinbase · 18/09/2019 12:18

He said we are lying because I don't have to be with him and his friend is lying so his girlfriend breaks up with him (I don't think she knows).

OP posts:

Gemma1971 · 18/09/2019 12:19

Your husband is a nutcase

Original poster

Quinbase · 18/09/2019 12:19

Because I don't want to be with him

OP posts:

longtompot · 18/09/2019 13:54

If it were me in this situation, and this was my husband doing this, I'd leave him. Not because of whether he is gay or bi or not, but because he is lying to you and has zero respect for you.

Spaceprincess · 18/09/2019 14:31

My DP is bi, we are faithful, he wouldn't kiss anyone else male or female.
You have a cheating problem, not a sexuality one.
I'm sorry.

Rachelover60 · 18/09/2019 17:34

You're married so entitled to half the house. You may even be able to stay in the house with your children. Please do take some legal advice.

Ginger1982 · 18/09/2019 17:44

"The house is in his name so he wouldn't leave. And when I told him I would leave he told me not to because he didn't do anything wrong "

He's manipulating you. You need to get out.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 19/09/2019 12:21

Any update on the situation?

ElizaPancakes · 19/09/2019 12:26

I don’t understand.

He cheated in front of you, said if his friend wanted him he’d be with him not you...but is also completely denying all of that and says you made it up?!

He’s either massively panicked and backing himself into a (ridiculous) corner, or he’s just gaslighting you because he’s confident you won’t leave.

FWIW either of those circumstances would have me leaving. The cheating is actually a red herring really - he did something that you witnessed and is now lying to you about it to try and cover his arse. If he does it with this I suspect he does it with loads of things.

TheTrollFairy · 20/09/2019 14:16

Why would friends GF break up with him because another man tried to kiss him? Surely he would lie and say his kissed your husband, not the other way round

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/09/2019 14:35

I don't understand the friend/GF thing either? He (your DH) is saying nothing happened. And he says the friend is lying about the kiss because...I dunno, he wants to get rid of his GF? Or something? Why not just tell his GF he doesn't want to be with her - why the hell would he lie about his friend kissing him?

It just sounds like lies made up on the fly in the hope that you will be bamboozled enough not to ask any more questions.

olllsss · 20/09/2019 14:50

He is so persistant that you are lying. Basically he knows what he did and is trying cover it up.
He cheated.

Abouttimemum · 20/09/2019 14:51

I’m still not past the fact you had your second night out together in FIVE YEARS as a couple and his friend was there. Nope.

nilcarborundum · 20/09/2019 15:07

I wonder if your OH and his friend are actually seeing each other. It seems likely to me! They got carried away when you were in the toilet, panicked when you returned , then friend pretended to dislike what your oh was doing. OH being drunk had no such control and still wanted to hold friend's hand. Once he sobered up he pretended it had never happened

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