To think partner shouldn't have done this

[Quinbase]

Name changed as I could be identified.

I've been with husband for 6 years. Married for 2. And we have 5 year old twins and a 1 year old.

On Saturday we went out (we never go out much usually but my brother was free to look after the children) with one of husbands friends. I went to the loo and when I came back I saw him kissing his friend and his friend was shocked. Husband was drunk but his friend wasn't.

And then he told me to leave him alone and he loves his friend. And then he kept trying to hold hands with his friend. I left.

On Sunday I spoke to him about it and he said i was lying and his friend was aswell. But he said so what if it happened and it doesn't mean he's gay.

AIBU to think he shouldn't have done this? What can I do?

I asked his friend if husband went out with other men and he said no. And he told me they did kiss before but it was a dare and they were both single.

I told him I'd leave him and he told me not to because he isn't gay and he didn't kiss his friend

and did he also not hold hands with his friend, and not tell you he loved his friend, and not say he wanted you to go away?
How many lies do there need to be?

He said he told me to go away and the rest we are lying about

And he said that he said go away because he wanted to talk to his friend and not me

I would honestly advise you to get away from him for a while. And why not write down (or record on your phone) exactly what you saw that night, before time and his twisted lies makes you start to doubt yourself. Please tell someone in rl who can help you.

What's his reason for both you and his friend to be lying about the exact same thing? Doesn't make sense

OP are you from outside the UK? Did you meet this man on holiday or something? Just wondering if he did a bring a foreign bride back thing that a lot of older British men seem to do nowadays if they can't meet anyone here and to get a younger "compliant" wife.

How long did you know him before marrying? He does sound gay and as if he married you to hide it tbh.

He said because he was drunk we are lying to trick him. And that he wouldn't ever kiss his friend or say he loved him or hold his hand because that's weird.

Right so he's going to lie about it. You know what you saw. What is the next step? There can't be any hope for the relationship if he can't come clean and explain himself.
Is he quite young? Were you his first girlfriend? Actually none of that matters, he's disrespected you and lied about it and you don't have to put up with that. If you do put up with it, think carefully about the future and be ready for a line you cannot cross.

I met him when I used to work with him but I didn't see him much as I worked in the office. But then he asked me to go on a date with him.

We did have our twins early in the relationship as we were only together a year when they were born.

We got married after 4 years of being together.

I think I was his second girlfriend.

His logic is fucked up, I honestly can't get my head round how he thinks his wife and friend of many years would come up with the idea of tricking him by saying he kissed him and tried to hold his hand??? Why not just tell him something funny or stupid not massively life changing and could potentially ruin people's relationships. Yu do realise he's not making sense don't you???

So he remembers telling you to leave but doesn't remember saying he loves his friend? Convenient...

Yes I know he isn't making sense.

I know it's convenient that he remembers telling me to go away but not telling his friend he loves him. He said he told me to go away because he wanted to talk to his friend and not me.

This whole situation is fucked. Why would he think his wife and friend would make something like this up?
It’s easy for MN to say leave him etc but in reality with 3 kids that isn’t always the easiest option if you are reliant on him to share the house bills etc.
What do you think you’ll do? I think your husband is gaslighting you which bring the question of if he would do it for other things that he doesn’t want the reality to be true

Yes I'm reliant on him for bills etc as I'm a SAHM.

I don't know what I'll do because I want to leave because he isn't saying why and is denying it and I told him if he wasn't honest then I would leave him

You don't have to leave the house for the relationship to be over. The trust is gone you don't have to play his games.
And it doesn't matter that you can't "prove" what he did as you can end a relationship at any time for any reason.

The house is in his name so he wouldn't leave. And when I told him I would leave he told me not to because he didn't do anything wrong

@Quinbase he cheated on you. If he'll do that when you're there what will he do when you're not?
He's actually convincing you that you didn't see what you saw.

He thought I wasn't there when he kissed his friend but I had just came back. But he knew I was there when he tried to hold his hand and said he loved him.

I think if he kissed his friend when i wasn't there his friend would tell me.

@Quinbase you're missing my point. He knew you were in the vicinity. You were out with him and he was willing to cheat.
If he'll cheat in front of your face (ok he didn't think you'd see but knew you were there) he'll definitely cheat behind your back.

If you thought he was joking it'd be kind of ok, maybe, but the fact he's denying it means he knows what he did was wrong.

Is this actually a real situation? Said with all due respect, but the OP's responses to the helpful and logical answers and questions by posters are making me wonder.... truly....

Yes this is real.

I asked him if he loved his friend and he said no but I don't believe him because even when drunk I don't think people say they love someone they don't..

And he said even if he did say he loved his friend it isn't cheating.

Kissing his friend is cheating!

I know it is cheating and if I kissed someone else or said I loved someone else even if I was drunk he would say it was cheating.

Yeah, op, him gaslighting you doesn't change anything. You don't snog your same sex mate, tell them you love them, try to hold their hand and tell your opposite sex partner to go away, if you're straight. You know this.

He's denying it because he's embarrassed, and because his friend doesn't feel the same sexual attraction to him. It's the easiest way to deal with it. Pretend it didn't happen.

But you know the truth, his friend knows the truth.

Sexually have you ever suspected he was bi sexual or gay?

No , I haven't ever suspected he was bisexual or gay. The only thing that I thought was odd was he only had 1 girlfriend before me but I thought nothing of it because it could be he hadn't met anyone else.