To cancel my husband's secret sex toy for himself?

[Tacklesbarbie]

I've NC'd for this as it's quite revealing!

My DH and two DCs share an Amazon Prime account. We've recently ordered a lot of back to school stuff and I was checking order statuses today.

One of them was for what I initially thought was a vibrator as, until a few years ago my DH, on occasions, would 'surprise' me with a gift of one (I never requested it). Our sex life used to be great, but in recent years has got much less exciting due to work pressures and age etc, but recently picked up nicely on holiday.

When I looked more closely though it turned out to be a long vibrating tube designed to look like a vagina at the entrance which you obviously stick your penis into! I was mortified and repulsed and promptly cancelled it (it cost £42 from our joint account!).

As my DH set up the account all order notifications are emailed to him, so he must know what I've done, but has been extra breezy all day. We therefore both know what the other one knows but can't talk about it!

I can't help but feel absolutely reviled at the thought of him wanting to use this thing but, on reflection, AIBU? IME if a male partner discovered his female partner had ordered a vibrator he'd be thrilled and turned on, so you could argue why is the reverse so repulsive to me? There is just something desperate and emasculating about the idea of him using this thing, probably because we've typically used a vibrator as a part of the sex we've had together (I've rarely used one alone).

Just when I was thinking he found me sexy again and was looking forward to being intimate with him, this has made me recoil from him. He tried to instigate sex tonight and I've politely made excuses.

I feel really awkward about talking to him about it and definitely can't speak to friends about it either, so wondered what people on Mumsnet thought!

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If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

If your not having sex with him, he's going to release his urges somewhere else

"You're"

Is this an animal or a human being who can't insert a brain into his behaviour?

I'll leave you all to continue with the public tales of teenage boys wanking

How can the op, who is presumably a woman, feel emasculated?

What’s the female version of the word?

I'd be tempted to reorder it, then have a family meeting and whip it out at the dinner table and ask 'which one of you ordered this??'

It has to be your son with his " load of toiletries " .

What’s the female version of the word?

I don't know but it's clearly not "emasculated"

@CorBlimeyGovenor

Or she could give it to him as a Christmas present

Gosh op your not sad my love ... just wtaf !!
To me it screams all sorts of message . Mainly I would feel so dam incompetent unsexy and quite frankly old and out of shape. I'm 41 and I feel like my youth has legged it so if I caught my fella sticking his thing into some tight silicone replica I would feel beaten !
Of course if we had spoken about it etc it's not a big thing but when it's in secret it escalates the mind to wonder what the f else you dont know .
Just shit. I'm not sure what I would I say but I know I would feel sickened .
I mean please tell me how this thing will play any good on part on you during sex !? If he feels he wants to knob a virgin ( sorry stress taking over lol) then there are other toys that would suit you both to have the pleasure together.

You do need to ask him what the crack is tho. Just do it you already know about it now so end the awkwardness for you and shift it to him . He may well have a good answer xx

CorBlimeyGovenor 😂😂 at reordering then whipping it out in front of them!

it's clearly not "emasculated"
No, but it gets the point across doesn’t it?

Weird that there’s not an obvious female version.

It is thoroughly depressing that so many posters are shuddering with distaste, as though sex toys and masturbation are still something shameful and disgusting. I had thought we were starting to get past the idea that women are 'naturally' inclined to dislike sex and only endure it in order to get pregnant, or to keep Hubby satisfied so he doesn't leave them.
Mostly it's the people with a selection of sex toys and accessories who have the most enjoyable sex lies - and are therefore happier - and nicer - people.

‘Defeminize’ is the kind of equivalent I guess.

Christ pineapple 1 now suggest he he will cheat on you. How lush

If it's your ds then at least he is not getting a girl pregnant. If it's your dh leave him to it. You talk about him masturbating to porn this is just an aid!!

What would you prefer ?.
Another woman or sex toy ? maybe he wanted you to find out.

OP is not offended at sex toys .. I'm.not offended at sex toys . And so what if somebody IS offended. Why does it have to mean we are or are not idiots of some sort ? But i will always be sickened tho if my partner has secret vaginas , rubber or real . I think it's fair to say she feels threatened because it was in secret . That's my point too. The secret could be anything but it will always make the mind tick tick tick !!!

Unwomaned.

Not very secret if he bought it on the family Amozon account.

Separately, if you dont like secrecy in a relationship, do you allow privacy? Or do your partners need to check in with you if they want to masturbate.

Well I think ordering it on an account your children can see is wrong, no doubt about that.

But I don’t get why you are so repulsed etc. If you’ve owned a vibrator in the past it’s exactly the same thing. You say your sex life is back on track, yet you pied him for ordering a sex toy, which you also cancelled anyway. I’d be pretty pissed off if I ordered myself a vibrator and my husband cancelled it behind my back because he didn’t like it. As this website always points out that’s rather controlling, given he’s an adult and not actually doing anything wrong.

I don’t understand why you need to point out it’s a joint account either, here in the real world married people have joint accounts. I don’t question every purchase my husband makes and nor does he me.

I don’t understand why you need to point out it’s a joint account either

Because it's a joint account with the CHILDREN.

Absolutely . I even want to know when he shits.😅💪👀 for goodness sake really ?. It's a shame people want to argue so much rather than help and advise and maybe untwist some twisted thoughts which obviously have been sparked in the findings. I see every point has a good point. Doesn't stop me being a paranoid Mavis though ....

Jesaminecollins The worse one was a man who had got his penis stuck in a vacuum hose - the fireman had to cut it off.

The penis or the hose?

Perhaps he wanted to use it with you? Either way you don’t get to control how he wanks. If you could afford the toy without taking money out of more essential purchases (food, bills, etc.) then he is entitled to buy it. You are being unreasonable, prudish and controlling.

I can't help feeling that you are taking this all very personally.

You can't control how someone masterbates, or what they might enjoy or be curious about. Just because you use vibrators as a couples activity doesn't mean that is the only correct way to use it.

I buy DH toys all the time, (some just for him, some for both of us). If we don't try them, we don't know what we enjoy! I like to surprise him and then he lets me know what he thinks. They aren't always a success but we have found some gems. We have a very healthy sex life and also enjoy solo acts.

If I were you, firstly I would ascertain if it was DS or DH.

I would tell him (DH or DA) that you cancelled the order because it is inappropriate to order from a family amazon account.

If it was DH, I would send him the Lovehoney link and tell him that you wouldn't mind putting an order in together. Even if just a bottle of massage oil.

And then have some fun.

Just wondering how all of us would feel if we was to walk in the bedroom now and see the hubby shagging the wall , well a toy .. but ya know. Some of us would laugh some would join in some would be like sorry and shut the door. Some would be horrified and sickened as they see it as cheating ... and no I'm not calling it that. But why cant the opinions be given in a reassuring way. Rather than get a grip or your out of order. Cant it be, for me personally I wouldn't mind. And then explain why you dont mind. That advice can help the anxious ones that feel like they are no longer desirable to there partner.

You say that he has a high sex drive but you haven’t had sex much lately, then things were getting better? I’m guessing that the two of you don’t talk about sex so maybe it was something to improve his performance? If you have ‘gone off’ sex, at least in his mind, then he may be trying to make something better. Does he know that you don’t use the vibrator on your own? You say you don’t know where he puts them but is he aware of that?