To feel ashamed of wanting a baby so young?

[Shamedchange]

I'm 23 and fully aware that lots of women have had their DC at my age and younger (including my own DM). My partner of 6 years thinks having DC is something older people do, and has said he wants at least two but not until I'm over 30 as he doesnt think we'll be financially ready (he makes over 30k, I'm on minimum wage) or done doing stuff just the two of us until then. My parents meanwhile mention grandchildren wistfully in passing then panic that they're encouraging me to have DC young and give me a lecture on doing more with my life than they did first. Add to that the whole "children ruin your life" "women are trapped by children" narrative and I just feel stuck. Most of my friends from my home city have children, but none of my university friends that i live near now do so I'd expect judgement from my immediate circle as well.

I just feel like that's the next step in life I want to take. I've wanted DC for years, I have dreams where I'm pregnant or chasing a toddler or dropping off a teenager at school. I really want that life but it feels so unattainable right now. I know all I have to do is wait, but what am I waiting for? It seems such a waste to count the years down doing nothing purposeful with my life until its finally okay.

Ive lived with my partner for two years already. Ideally I'd like to be married first as well, which we've already spoken about and agree on more or less everything, though when I jokingly brought up proposing myself he shot me down and said he really wanted to do it as soon as he got a better paid job (which he has now, as of a few months ago) so I guess I'm waiting for that too.

I just feel so stuck in limbo and like I cant do anything or suggest anything without it being the wrong path in life to take. Aibu to feel this way?

30 isn’t old ! I’m a FTM and turning 31 soon. Personally for me I wasn’t ready any younger (not really ready now when I think about it ha). I had a career to forge, travelling to do and fun to have. Having had my first baby I can say it’s really bloody hard. But if it’s what you want go for it, it’s your decision !

Familial support is a very good point. The low income parents I know who have made it work have had a lot of it.

Having just consulted google for confirmation of what I believed, from a biological point of view, 24 is the upper limit of the optimal age-rage for having a baby, after that it is downhill.

But what does ‘downhill’ mean? Not impossible or even improbable I would think. I concieved both my DC first try when I was 26 and 29 - I don’t think that makes me unique. Most of the mums I know are older than me, only one had IVF. One mum in her late 30s just accidentally conceived again although she was still breastfeeding. From what I see around me conceiving in your late 20s and 30s isn’t as tricky as some would like to make out. I think most people who struggle in their thirties would have probably struggled the same in their twenties - and let’s all bear in mind sperm count and strong swimmers matter too. Let’s not all blame ourselves and our biological clocks as though that’s the only reason people need IVF.

@shamedchange2

Don't listen to the posters waffling on about 80k plus for a kid. That's total cobblers and middle class snobbery. In the North, 30k is fine for when you have a small baby. Just ensure your mortgage/rent and other bills are realistic. You might have to forfeit Sky or a similar package, but it'll be fine. I imagine you'd want to go back to work when they're in school, so it'll be more than 30k when it matters anyway.

If you chat to your partner and he changes his mind, don't let certain posters put you off. Plenty of people have all the money in the world and they're utterly shit mums. Do what's right for you and sod everyone else.

Having my first at 24 was the best thing I ever did. We're now discussing trying for number 2, and I'm 25 at the minute. Live life the way you want to