To be annoyed that partner is hoarding his inheritance money

[caraofthevelvetbluesea]

I really don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or not so would be good to get views on this. For context, though not sure if this is even really relevant - partner and I have been together for 6 years, have a mortgage together and have spoken about marriage. He is not in any debt at all apart from the mortgage, and I’ve got about £5k in credit card debt. I’d say our spending habits are the same but he earns double me, though we both work full time.

He has recently inherited £80k. I asked him what he would be doing with the money and he is putting all of it into a savings account or into stocks/shares. I absolutely didn’t expect him to just give me a wad of cash to go wild with as I understand it’s HIS money to do whatever with, but AIBU to be annoyed that he doesn’t want to spend any of it at all on any sort of shared experience that we could both enjoy? We don’t have a lot of money left to spend each month, especially me as I’m trying to pay my credit card debts off, and I wish he’d just say (for example), “we’re going to New York!!!”

Or just surprise me with something similar. He could still save 95% of his money as he sees fit. I just feel upset as I struggle each month with credit card repayments and meanwhile he will have huge sums in the bank.

I’ve said nothing as don’t know if I’m being unreasonable to be honest, please can you honestly tell me what your expectations would be if this was you?

The inheritance isn’t important. The fact that he earns double than you but expects you to contribute exactly half is concerning.

It is concerning for OP in that he clearly hasn't decided that she will be his partner for life yet. However, that is often the case if people aren't married whether or not they live together. It doesn't mean he is tight. It just means that he wants to keep things separate (for now anyway).

Well, in partner's shoes, i'd also stash it away if she managed to amass a £5K credit card debt

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, but I think it boils down to the type of person you are. If I inherited £80k I’d put £70k straight in the bank and use £10k for paying off mine and my partner’s credit card, then splash out on a decent holiday. That’s just me though...I like to be generous and my partner is the same. Accept not all people would see this the same way.

@Joerev

My husband inherited just under 2 mil. We weren’t married at the time yet his first instinct was to buy us a house. No mortgage. He put the rest in savings. His first though was for us and for our future. So I understand why you’d think that way.

I think that's very different though, so much so that it isn't a fair comparison. A 'treat' for the couple would be such a bigger % of the total amount inherited when taken from £80,000 rather than almost £2,000,000.

I also agree with PP that if genders were reversed and a woman inherited £80k and didn't want to bail their husband out of debt etc so he was feeling peeved, that this would have had a much bigger proportion of responses sympathetic to the woman.

joerev
“My husband inherited just under 2 mil. We weren’t married at the time yet his first instinct was to buy us a house. No mortgage. He put the rest in savings. His first though was for us and for our future. So I understand why you’d think that way.”

He bought a house for himself and put the rest in his savings.
Or did he put your name on the house deed? Or add you as joint owner of said savings account?

@ThatCurlyGirl. Very true. I also agree if the roles were reversed.

@DoctorAllcome. He put my name on the deeds. I didn’t put a penny towards it

@DoctorAllcome. We have joint accounts with access to the money. Yes. We’re also now married with 3 children.

@caraofthevelvetbluesea your famous Radio Scotland used youvas their Wednesday dilemma type feature! Hope it's not caused you any hassle.