To not want to have to split our Christmas into 4 because of our family situation?

[Nomoremilk]

It may be early but our mums arrange Christmas in September, sigh.
In our house we have 3 DC under 4, and me and my husband.
Both our parents divorced and aren't very friendly, all have partners.
Basically, our Christmas Day since we have had children has to be split into 4 so everyone can see the kids. We've tried having a day on our own and we were called selfish. We don't want them all here together because even if they agreed to be friendly there would be an atmosphere for sure.
My mum has invited us to go to her house this year, but mil has been protesting that we will need to fit them in at some point.
Aibu to just sod it and go to one house? It's so much arsing getting 3 toddlers in and out of the car, they want to play and we don't get to relax. I don't see why we should stay at our house either and be hosts to 4 lots. I just want to go to someone's house and have dinner and relax.
Im definitely happy to see people christmas eve and boxing day and break it up a bit that way but apparently it just HAS to be Christmas day.
Before we had kids nobody cared!

Yanbu, why not have your 2 mums come over for breakfast and 2 dads and partners for Xmas lunch and alternate each year between breakfast and dinner. Also whoever comes to dinner needs to bring a dish so have one bring veggies and another brings pudding.
Or just be firm and tell them it’s an open house Boxing Day up to them when they come over but Xmas day is at home just you and yours. Xxx

I would have absolutely no qualms about putting the children first and as grown adults they should understand that. Stay at home and see them post Christmas Day.
Neither you or the children need the stress. It should be a lovely relaxed day. Its a bit unfair they are putting the pressure on tbh.
For me as a child, Christmas was about lounging in your pjs, having a home cooked meal and playing with your toys. My fondest memories of my Dad who passed away in 2014 are from lovely cosy Christmases.
I also loved seeing family members...on Boxing Day or after.
Be kind to yourself xx

Since having children I spend Xmas day at home, I refuse to drag my kids to everyone's houses when all they want to do is play with their new toys and I want to relax. If people want to see my children over Christmas (those who dont have kids to lug about) they can come to us, I am always welcoming.

Boxing day we do visits. YANBU

Remind them that Christmas is for the kids. Not them.

Let them call you selfish; water off a duck's back.

Stay put at home; if they choose to pop in for a sherry; great. If not, that's up to them.

Christmas Eve with mil plus partner and one of your parents n partner see all together at pub or home /Christmas day just your little family unit at home/Boxing day FIL and your other parent n partners at venue or your home - if they don’t like it you can’t be held accountable as you’ve tried to sort plans according to their needs/dislike of ex’s

Stay at home. Have a family Christmas. Ignore the golden oldies. Visit one set on Christmas Eve and the others on Boxing Day. It does seem like a terrible bind.

Find some crutches in a charity shop.
Get them out and announce a sprained ankle -
On Christmas eve.
Phone off and enjoy.

Your putting them all before your kids. It's just not fair to drag them from house to house in order to appease adults who are choosing to act like children. Put yourselves first.x.

Rotate. Have Christmas Day on your own and then take it in turns to see family members on Boxing Day/Christmas Eve - a different set each year. Your children deserve to be able to have Christmas Day in their own home!

Rotate between the options but always ensure the CD.mornings are yours at home with no visitors. It does.not have to be CD as long as they can see their little faces when pressies opened. Spreading Christmas over a few days makes it even better for the kids. Selfish? No. Stick to your guns!

Stay at home. 1 x group over for mid morning brunch. 1 x group over for dinner. Last group over that night or xmas eve night
Fuck that for a game of soldiers

Stay at home. 1 x group over for mid morning brunch. 1 x group over for dinner. Last group over that night or xmas eve night

No way!

It's one day. I would never 'entertain' 4 groups of people in one day, for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, tea, whatever!

Keep Christmas Day for just your family. Nobody goes out, nobody comes in. Enjoy the day without the pressure of having to coordinate, entertain and feed various people for various meals.

Christmas Day is off limits. The other days people are free to pop in, or you can go for visits but from this year Christmas Day is just for you and your children. Skype everyone else!

Just stay at home.

You have three small children, they should be your priority, the others are adults, if they want to see the children then they should behave like adults.

I remember my first Xmases leaving presents to go see what father Xmas had left at my grand parents.

After a couple of years my mum put a stop to that,she ended up hosting for more years than was probably intending but she hated taking us away from new toys.

We have the same and used to rotate seeing them, allocating them a day each, either Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, new year. Previous to that we also tried 2 sets one year (eg my Mum and FIL and partners) and 2 sets the next (MIL and my Dad and partners). Now we just decide what we want to do and ignore the wails and moans if we choose to be home alone with the kids.

Whatever you decide to do, hold your ground and be firm, I'm sorry to say it won't get easier, my mum has started already this year and my "kids" are 21 and 16, so hardly excited about Santa!

You have 3 children under the age of 4. Why do your relatives expect you to go to 4 different houses on Christmas day. Do they not know the packing you have to do bring 3 small kids any where?
You need to tell them that your are visiting no one on Christmas day as it's a day for you and the children at home. It putting you and you DH under pressure now. As your children get older they are going to complain about visiting all the relative's when they would like to play with santys toys, play with computer games ect.
Tell the relative s that you will visit them over the Xmas period but it won't be Christmas Eve or Christmas day.

OP, just start a new routine of having Christmas Day at yours. Your family will eventually get used to the idea and what does it matter if MIL cries a bit at first? What about when your children want to stay home so they can play with their friends on Christmas Day?

We never see middle DS at Christmas because he always goes to DIL's mum on Xmas day and her dad on Boxing Day. DIL has been doing this since her parents split when she was a teen and I know she'd struggle to justify it to her parents if we asked them to come to visit us instead, so I just tell them to visit us when it suits them. We usually see them at some point, about once a year.

Oh FFS grow some back bone!

I'm the child of an acrimonious divorce and consequently have no happy memories of Christmas between about age four up and till about 30.

It was precisely this 'who gets to see the kids' shit that ruined them all.

Just stay at home, declare open house and focus on the kids.