Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to have to split our Christmas into 4 because of our family situation?

318 replies

Nomoremilk · 15/09/2019 14:28

It may be early but our mums arrange Christmas in September, sigh.
In our house we have 3 DC under 4, and me and my husband.
Both our parents divorced and aren't very friendly, all have partners.
Basically, our Christmas Day since we have had children has to be split into 4 so everyone can see the kids. We've tried having a day on our own and we were called selfish. We don't want them all here together because even if they agreed to be friendly there would be an atmosphere for sure.
My mum has invited us to go to her house this year, but mil has been protesting that we will need to fit them in at some point.
Aibu to just sod it and go to one house? It's so much arsing getting 3 toddlers in and out of the car, they want to play and we don't get to relax. I don't see why we should stay at our house either and be hosts to 4 lots. I just want to go to someone's house and have dinner and relax.
Im definitely happy to see people christmas eve and boxing day and break it up a bit that way but apparently it just HAS to be Christmas day.
Before we had kids nobody cared!

OP posts:
TheSandgroper · 15/09/2019 14:30

I have been firmly in the stay at home camp since I was nine years old.

IntoTheHoods · 15/09/2019 14:30

What about inviting them to your house? They can fight the timing out amongst themselves.

IntoTheHoods · 15/09/2019 14:31

Also, THEY'RE the ones being selfish. Christmas is for kids really. These little kids want to play with their new toys. The adults need to grow up.

15thOctober2019 · 15/09/2019 14:31

I now host Christmas so that we no longer have to travel but also can't seen to be favouring anyone.

Everyone is welcome and if you want to come then you get on. If you don't want to come fine.

MellowBird85 · 15/09/2019 14:31

They’re all being selfish - as if they expect you to split your day into four! Unbelievable.

I would just tell them you’ll rotate them year after year and go see them Boxing Day instead. YADNBU

inwood · 15/09/2019 14:32

We see one lot Xmas eve, one Boxing Day and one in the 27th. Xmas day in our own, it's blissful.

DeeCeeCherry · 15/09/2019 14:32

You're adults do what you want, surely. I couldn't be asked with all that. Pick 1 place go there, or stay at home. That's it.

BlackCatSleeping · 15/09/2019 14:32

Who cares if they call you selfish?

Spend Christmas at home just you, your husband and the kids, but visit each house on a different day during the Christmas holiday.

MyCatHatesEverybody · 15/09/2019 14:33

Why do you care if they call you selfish? Just because they have an opinion it doesn't make it true.

bluebeck · 15/09/2019 14:33

In our house we have 3 DC under 4, and me and my husband.

Without reading any further than this, I can tell you there is no way I would be leaving my house on Christmas Day. Probably not any time between Christmas Eve and Boxing Day.

So they call you selfish - so what?

You need to stand up for what is best for you and your DC.

YABVU for even entertaining the idea of doing anything else.

HollowTalk · 15/09/2019 14:33

Why not have Christmas Day at your house and invite one lot for morning drinks and another lot for afternoon drinks? Give them the option of doing whichever they want.

HJWT · 15/09/2019 14:33

Why not just stay at home yourself ? See 2 sets of parents Christmas Eve for an hour each and 2 sets on Boxing Day again an hour each!

Its not fair on your DC to keep dragging them out when they have new toys to play with! And if you get called selfish say yes we are being selfish for the sake of the kids, get over it!

We did it on DD first christmas and never again xx

CaveMum · 15/09/2019 14:33

I say stay at home and let them call you selfish. Christmas is for children in my eyes and what is fair about dragging small children all over the place and away from their new gifts just to keep a bunch of grown ups who should know better happy.

Why not agree that, if the GPS can’t play nice and be in the same room for a few hours, Christmas Day is just for your nuclear family and everyone else will be welcome to visit on Boxing Day and the following days. If they don’t like it then they know what to do - grow up and suck it up for the sake of the grandchildren.

Vulpine · 15/09/2019 14:34

I'd invite them all and ignore any bad atmosphere. You can still have fun.

Original poster
Nomoremilk · 15/09/2019 14:34

I suppose it ruins Christmas a bit when I keep hearing about how I'm spoiling it for them and they wish they could see the kids and mil crying Hmm

OP posts:
VincentVanGoughandhisear · 15/09/2019 14:34

Stay at home and everyone can 'pop in' for an hour either side of lunch to suit you.

Be firm and do what you want.

ineedaholidaynow · 15/09/2019 14:35

We used to have Christmas by ourselves most years and see parents/steparents over December/January. Be selfish. How any grandparent can think it is fun/fair for 3 children under 4 to be carted around on Christmas Day to see 4 separate sets of family is beyond me

DisplayPurposesOnly · 15/09/2019 14:35

Why on earth do you go to four different houses on Christmas day??!

Put your foot down. That's just silly.

Sorry, folks, we do too much travelling about to keep you lot happy and it's exhausting us. This year we are staying home by ourselves.

CaveMum · 15/09/2019 14:36

If MIL turns on the waterworks then you tell her straight “Well if you could behave like a grown up and be in the same room as FIL for a few hours then you’d be able to see them.”

bluebeck · 15/09/2019 14:36

I suppose it ruins Christmas a bit when I keep hearing about how I'm spoiling it for them and they wish they could see the kids and mil crying hmm

Phone on silent. DH can answer if MIL calls.

Big Girls Pants OP!!!

GameSetMatch · 15/09/2019 14:37

Why not have them visit you in your home with different time slots?

Horehound · 15/09/2019 14:37

Pfft you have to nip this in the bud now!
Not your problem if mil cries, that's just emotional guilt tripping.

HJWT · 15/09/2019 14:37

@Nomoremilk tell them to grow up how sad 😵

iloveredwine · 15/09/2019 14:37

see one Xmas eve, one boxing day and others can pop in for cake, mince pies at a time you choose outside those days. stay at home Xmas day in your pyjamas and have a relaxed Christmas day

Taleasoldastime90 · 15/09/2019 14:38

Ours isn't quite so complicated (fil and mil split up, but my parents are together) but we find alternating it works well.
We stay at home for Christmas and either fil comes or my parents and mil (though mil doesn't always come - she has mental health issues) then boxing day we go to whoever we didn't see on Xmas day. We then switch it over the next year.

Swipe left for the next trending thread