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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with previous home owner asking for post in rude manner?

223 replies

Getusedtoit · 15/09/2019 13:36

Ex owner of house couldn't be bothered to pay for Redirection on their post. "Oh Mrs Ex Owner works down the road she'll just pop by occasionally". socially conditioned to be nice I agreed.

We still get post, it's not an onerous task to keep it and pass it on, but I feel slightly uncomfortable when she turns up and wants a small look at our renovations (the house was in a right state when we bought it).

He messaged bluntly earlier this week and I read it, and was composing my response (took a few days), as he'd been abrupt before, and he just sent question marks in a text.

I replied I'd package them up and leave them outside on a day that suited. He hasn't replied.

DH said I missed a trick and should have sent a text back with just four asterisks Grin and then follow message saying I've had enough and everything now would be returned to sender.

I'm torn, it's such a small thing to do to keep receiving post and holding it, but I'm cross at his bluntness. There seems to be still quite important post coming from authorities.

AIBU?

OP posts:
whatshallIdo1 · 15/09/2019 20:33

A lot of my ex’s post still comes to my house though we are not on speaking terms - and he moved out almost a year and a half ago. He picks it up when he stops by to see the dc. I do sometimes worry about the implications, but up until now he has been living somewhere he couldn’t receive any post.

whatshallIdo1 · 15/09/2019 20:34

can’t receive any post

Kanga83 · 15/09/2019 20:36

Mark everything Return to Sender, don't drop it off and block his number. The CF.

Ginger1982 · 15/09/2019 20:39

@lavenderbluedilly positive, at least where I am! I was raging about it too. I did it online and they definitely made me pay for the extra surname.

Ginger1982 · 15/09/2019 20:41

Pic attached.

To be pissed off with previous home owner asking for post in rude manner?
AlwaysCheddar · 15/09/2019 20:43

Ffs send it back! Why the hell would he not change bank address etc unless he’s dodgy! Send stuff back as not lived there for 4 years,

AllFourOfThem · 15/09/2019 20:43

After this length of time he cannot continue to redirect his post. There is some reason he is not letting places know he has moved.

I would just return to sender and stop replying to him.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 16/09/2019 09:47

I only did that because it's a important document

You're nicer than me, if the previous occupant can't be bothered to change the address on his post then I can't be bothered to RTS.

I wouldn't even bother with returning to sender, I'd just chuck it in the recycling.

Is that legal?

Why would it be illegal? Why should other people be responsible for the previous owner?

SallyLovesCheese · 16/09/2019 13:11

Four years?! I couldn't believe it when I read that, OP! Your AIBU should be "to be pissed off he still gets mail delivered to my house?"

Just RTS. You don't want important, official stuff still coming to your house. He says he's "missing stuff" - I think after 4 years he needs to take active steps not to miss it anymore. Stop enabling this CF!!!

Ambidexte · 16/09/2019 13:21

*"I wouldn't even bother with returning to sender, I'd just chuck it in the recycling."

"Is that legal?"

"Why would it be illegal? Why should other people be responsible for the previous owner?"*

Weirdly, it is illegal.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/3687109.stm

However, they would have a lot of trouble proving anything against you if you disposed of the post discreetly and denied it had ever been delivered.

Angelf1sh · 16/09/2019 13:25

@PinkSparklyPussyCat s84 of the postal services act 2000 says:

A person commits an offence if, without reasonable excuse, he—

(a)intentionally delays or opens a postal packet in the course of its transmission by post, or

(b)intentionally opens a mail-bag.

(2)Subsections (2) to (5) of section 83 apply to subsection (1) above as they apply to subsection (1) of that section.

(3)A person commits an offence if, intending to act to a person’s detriment and without reasonable excuse, he opens a postal packet which he knows or reasonably suspects has been incorrectly delivered to him.

(4)Subsections (2) and (3) of section 83 (so far as they relate to the opening of postal packets) apply to subsection (3) above as they apply to subsection (1) of that section.

(5)A person who commits an offence under subsection (1) or (3) shall be liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding level 5 on the standard scale or to imprisonment for a term not exceeding six months or to both.

So subsection (a) arguably makes binning it illegal if that’s viewed as delaying the delivery. However, I’d argue that the act of “transmission” was completed when it’s delivered to the address on the envelope and so binning it doesn’t delay anything. There’s also the point that the named recipient not living there might constitute reasonable excuse for binning it.

Lovetoread84 · 16/09/2019 13:32

This pisses me off. We've been in our house for 4 years now and still recieve parcels, dvla, all sorts of things for previous occupiers and postly they 20 Yr old son who obviously has not changed his address on anything, even his car.
I didn't mind until once the guy came and told us something would be coming over the next few days, would we wait in for it because its important!! My husband told him no way. And since then we send everything back return to sender. They sold us a house with lots of problems too

Toseland · 16/09/2019 13:34

I did this for the previous owner of my house, after a good few months she knocked on my door and screamed in my face for me to stop, not a word of thanks.

hilaryguineapig · 16/09/2019 13:34

Has he responded? If not send ????? . I'd follow that up with "all mail will be marked not known at this address" from now on. No other explanation is necessary. If pushed I nights say "???? was rude and you haven't lived here since 2017."

I think your reply was a bit too polite. It doesn't matter how many

ShmooBooMoo · 16/09/2019 14:00

Just text and say that you didn't anticipate you'd still be receiving mail at this stage, that it's becoming inconvenient and you suggest they invest in re-direction as future correspondence will have to be marked 'return to sender' and put in the post when you post your own mail.
Even if they didn't want to pay for re-direction, they've had time to inform companies etc of their new details. They're taking the biscuit now. Others have to pay for re-direction if they want to receive their mail/ not inconvenience new owners so why shouldn't they? They seem very entitled... Have they even thanked you?

catlady3 · 16/09/2019 14:00

Still get post for previous occupants 3 years later. Interestingly it seems to be the banks and the NHS in the main who don't change their records after having stuff sent back to sender. I've now got myself a little passive aggressive stamp with "return to sender" and put that all over them before stuffing them in the mailbox. Not that it will help but I feel better. Best nip it in the bud while you can.

zingally · 16/09/2019 14:12

It took you 4 days to reply to the text! I'm not surprised you got all the question marks!

Frankly, for any more post, I'd just mark it all "return to sender" and put it in a post box. And if he texts any more, just say, "no, nothing".
You are not his own personal sorting office, or secretary. If he says he's missing stuff, he must know what that stuff is. So he can contact those companies himself to report a change of address!! Lazy bugger!

DobbyLovesSocks · 16/09/2019 14:14

4 years OP! Lord knows what they are using your address for.
When we bought our first house we didn't realise the owner was up to his neck in debt and we had all sorts of threatening letters when we first moved in. They died out over the years but caused all sorts of hassle.
When we moved to our current house 2 years ago I set up a year long redirection and made lists to check I had changed our address on everything. We still get post for old owners but it all goes back in post box marked 'not at this address since xdate, pls return to sender. Interestingly we mostly receive her DVLA post and stuff from his bank. Block his number - they aren't your friends - and stop keeping his mail

ShmooBooMoo · 16/09/2019 14:20

Zingally Four days or four weeks to reply to a text, it doesn't really matter given the circumstances. Five x ? is plain rude, especially as OP is expected to do this four years down the line. I actually think texting him to say nothing has come whilst returning mail to sender is evasive. The person needs to be told frankly that the situation doesn't suit and they need to make alternative arrangements as future post will be returned to sender.

zingally · 16/09/2019 14:22

HANG ON.

You've been doing this for 4 YEARS?! Jeez Louise OP! Cut this off right now. Not tomorrow, next month, NOW. Mark every single envelope "Return to sender - moved 4 years ago" and post it.

He could have (and probably HAS) been using your address inappropriately for YEARS.

SirVixofVixHall · 16/09/2019 14:37

I would also write Not Lived At This Address Since 2015 on all post and return it from now on. No-one doesn’t change their address on bank details etc unless they have dodgy reasons for not informing the bank. I would be tempted to call all official letter writers and let them know in fact, he could have debts , fines etc, which would affect your credit rating.
Four years ! You could have sold your house again in that time, is he expecting this to go on forever ? !

Ticklemeelmo · 16/09/2019 14:40

How is he still getting post after 4 years? Not telling companies new addresses for that length of time is so lazy!

Definitely just give him a cut off time, write return to sender on any post to him after that time and then block his number. Sorted

buckeejit · 16/09/2019 14:42

OMG!

I'd say anything will be RTS after 6 months. Lazy CFs

No need at all!

Ticklemeelmo · 16/09/2019 14:43

I actually think you need to do this for your own sake too- if he is having bank statements etc sent to yours then he is going to be financially linked to your address still, and think it'll impact your credit rating if he gets into debt etc.

ElizaPancakes · 16/09/2019 15:00

Fuck sake OP, four bloody years?!

I agree text him back that from 1st October you’ll be RTS. Then block.