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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think Friend is a massive CF?

171 replies

SummersB · 15/09/2019 08:49

My friend has two DDs, 8 and 10, who are friends with my youngest DD.
Friend messaged me a week or so ago to ask if I would look after her DDs yesterday as she had an important work related event to attend. No times or details were given, except the nature of the event so I knew it was important she went. After I agreed she messaged me again to say “ok great I can send them up (they live 2 minutes walk from our house) for 8:30, or (her) DH can drop them off.
Now, I’m not going to lie, I like my lie ins. I work shifts and it’s a very rare occasion that I am off all weekend. Our other two DCs are older teens so don’t need immediate attention in the mornings, so DH and I like to lounge around in bed, have a coffee, wait for the teenagers to make their way downstairs and maybe use the time to DTD... you get the picture. Friend knows this, which is why I’m sure she didn’t tell me the time when she first ask me. But I had agreed and it was important to her so I (grudgingly) replied along the lines of “haha as you know I’m not usually up at that time, so maybe best to send them up by themselves so as to spare your DH the sight of me in my PJs at that godforsaken hour! I’ll make them some breakfast if you want” (thinking I was being extra nice).
So yesterday morning comes and as we are looking after my DMs dog at the moment who is a rescue and whom I don’t trust around strangers kids I get up at bloody 7 am to walk dog for an hour with the plan to drop her round my DMs for the morning so as to keep her out of the kids way. I get back at 8 am to find friends kids already here, sitting in my living room with my youngest DD! When I asked them what time they got to mine they said 7:45! And to top it all off they also told me that the reason their own DF wasn’t looking after them was because he was attending to his hobby, not because he was working as I stupidly assumed.
So, AIBU to think my friend is a massive puss taker? I would never impose my kids on anyone at that time at the weekend unless absolutely necessary, and I certainly wouldn’t send them round 45 minutes early. WTF?
There is a backstory to this as my friend has form for taking advantage. She is really sweet and lovely and will always offer to do favours or help out, but it always feels like it is done so she „has one in the bank“ IUKWIM, and will ask for any favour back tenfold. I ended up feeling really taken advantage of, which is why over the past year I have started to disengage massively and these days rarely see her. I’m so annoyed to have fallen for her again!

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 15/09/2019 08:51

Yabu
Don't agree to something without knowing all the details in future.

Thehop · 15/09/2019 08:53

Learn from it and distance yourself she’s a taker.

Hooferdoofer37 · 15/09/2019 08:55

TBH I think it's her DH who is taking the piss here.

You have a 2 parent family, 1 parent is working the other one watches the kids.

You don't rope in people for a 7.45am drop-off so he can do his hobby.

He probably one of those men who thinks childcare is beneath him.

Charlieiscool · 15/09/2019 08:55

You need to say you’ve made plans of your own in future or reconsider the friendship.

Nanamilly · 15/09/2019 08:55

OP, I'd do this kind of thing for a friend or relative and not think twice about it but enough is enough and I think its time to tell your friend there can be no more babysitting.

WombatStewForTea · 15/09/2019 08:56

She is a CF and so is her husband. I'd bloody well call her out on it

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 15/09/2019 08:59

Make sure you learn from this so that the answer next time is a no!

ZenNudist · 15/09/2019 09:03

Never ever help again. Also tell her she owes you big time. If you have a good relationship with the dh Id be telling him off .

roseunicornblower · 15/09/2019 09:04

It's the dad that's a CF not your friend. I don't think 7.45 is that early tbh but I have young kids and always been an early riser.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 15/09/2019 09:07

This wouldn’t bother me at all

HavelockVetinari · 15/09/2019 09:07

07:45! That's massively CFuckery. You should messagw her about it - say you're not happy they turned up 45 mins early with no notice, and ask what time her DH gets home from his hobby and can collect them (so she knows you know she lied).

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 15/09/2019 09:09

I think you need to tell her now that you are very irritated that you gave up a rare lie in not to facilitate her important work event but her DH’s hobby. You feel misled. Don’t ask you to do that again because the answer is no.

It might reduce the likelihood of another request.

maz7777 · 15/09/2019 09:10

Make sure you say no next time. Her dh should be looking after them himself.

Goodlookingcreature · 15/09/2019 09:10

I wouldn’t let this go. I would text her something like “Susan, with all due respect I was doing you a massive favour by taking the kids so early. You know I work shift, and enjoy my lie in at the weekend. I am a little upset that you sent the kids round 45 minutes earlier than the agreed early time. Also, just heard that John is gone playing golf, I thought you were stuck which is why I agreed to help you out. I am not happy.”

icontrolthebullshitnow · 15/09/2019 09:11

Not a CF for needing to drop them off early - you agreed to help and she needed to be away early but total CF on the part of her and her husband for not leaving the kids with him.

DeNiroDeFaro · 15/09/2019 09:11

The time might cheeky fuckery but the DH isn't your friends fault. What if he was refusing to not go to his hobby so she was desperate? Don't just assume it's some convoluted plan to get one over on you. In the same vein perhaps the DH ignored your friends time instructions and when left to it got rid of them early?

Marnie76 · 15/09/2019 09:17

I would be annoyed about misled about the dad. The early start I don’t really get, you’d been up since seven anyway so there was no lie in to be had. If you were planning on going back to bed then just go they’re old enough to be ok for an hour surely.

katewhinesalot · 15/09/2019 09:18

I like goodlookings text.

Span1elsRock · 15/09/2019 09:18

I'd have to let her know. "I'm really upset that I've given up a precious weekend day with my own family to look after yours, when one of you wasn't working and was in fact doing X. I feel mislead, and taken advantage of. Do not ask for me a favour again please, as I do not take kindly to being used like this".

katewhinesalot · 15/09/2019 09:19

Oh and go back to bed now.

coconutpie · 15/09/2019 09:23

I would send goodlookings text. I would not let this go, she's a CF.

Oysterbabe · 15/09/2019 09:24

It is a bit cheeky but worth losing a friend over? You were up and about anyway so I'd probably have just rolled my eyes, got on with it and clarified the details a bit before agreeing next time.

sailingclosetothewind · 15/09/2019 09:24

Do not call her out, there is no point falling out with her. Simply decide to distance from now on. Don’t ask any favours from her, don’t agree to anything else.

Both your friend and her dh are massive CF and it would be the final straw for me.

Zaphodsotherhead · 15/09/2019 09:24

But you didn't give up a lie in today when you had to get up with the dog anyway, did you? Any possibility that CF's DH heard or saw you go out with the dog and therefore knew you were up and about, so sent the kids over?

But agree that it's not the friend who's the CF here, but her DH. If he wanted to 'do his hobby' uninterrupted, then he should have been the one to sort out childcare. She's working, he's not and they are his kids too.

cushioncovers · 15/09/2019 09:27

What's the dh hobby?

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