To think Friend is a massive CF?

[SummersB]

My friend has two DDs, 8 and 10, who are friends with my youngest DD.
Friend messaged me a week or so ago to ask if I would look after her DDs yesterday as she had an important work related event to attend. No times or details were given, except the nature of the event so I knew it was important she went. After I agreed she messaged me again to say “ok great I can send them up (they live 2 minutes walk from our house) for 8:30, or (her) DH can drop them off.
Now, I’m not going to lie, I like my lie ins. I work shifts and it’s a very rare occasion that I am off all weekend. Our other two DCs are older teens so don’t need immediate attention in the mornings, so DH and I like to lounge around in bed, have a coffee, wait for the teenagers to make their way downstairs and maybe use the time to DTD... you get the picture. Friend knows this, which is why I’m sure she didn’t tell me the time when she first ask me. But I had agreed and it was important to her so I (grudgingly) replied along the lines of “haha as you know I’m not usually up at that time, so maybe best to send them up by themselves so as to spare your DH the sight of me in my PJs at that godforsaken hour! I’ll make them some breakfast if you want” (thinking I was being extra nice).
So yesterday morning comes and as we are looking after my DMs dog at the moment who is a rescue and whom I don’t trust around strangers kids I get up at bloody 7 am to walk dog for an hour with the plan to drop her round my DMs for the morning so as to keep her out of the kids way. I get back at 8 am to find friends kids already here, sitting in my living room with my youngest DD! When I asked them what time they got to mine they said 7:45! And to top it all off they also told me that the reason their own DF wasn’t looking after them was because he was attending to his hobby, not because he was working as I stupidly assumed.
So, AIBU to think my friend is a massive puss taker? I would never impose my kids on anyone at that time at the weekend unless absolutely necessary, and I certainly wouldn’t send them round 45 minutes early. WTF?
There is a backstory to this as my friend has form for taking advantage. She is really sweet and lovely and will always offer to do favours or help out, but it always feels like it is done so she „has one in the bank“ IUKWIM, and will ask for any favour back tenfold. I ended up feeling really taken advantage of, which is why over the past year I have started to disengage massively and these days rarely see her. I’m so annoyed to have fallen for her again!

You've been had but you knew they had form for this. When she comes to collect say 'I didn't realise (your partner) was doing his hobby today, I thought he had to work'. Don't text or she'll have been warned and will have some other excuse.

Having said all that, the only real answer is to refuse every single request of hers in future.

I agree with @DeNiroDeFaro - sounds like he’s just an arse.

Yep goodlookings message is spot on

I would be miffed that you'd been misled about the DH but I'm not sure I could get that worked up about this. 8.30 isn't an ungodly time of day and yes it's annoying they were early but you were already up and about by then anyway so didn't really impact you?

Also depends what the 'hobby' is. If it's a casual thing then yes it's totally unreasonable not to miss it for once. But if it was an important event or an ongoing commitment, or something booked ages in advance, I don't think it's outrageous to ask a friend for a favour. But they should have been honest about it.

I’d also text how you aren’t happy, but also I think you need to ask some questions and you know she pulls these stunts!!

I would off contacted the kids dad and said , "As you are not working can you please look after your DD , as this arrangement is not working for me now ". Let him leave his hobby and look after his own DD

In your DF’s mind she asked you so she could work and her DH could play golf, I’m not sure how that’s being a CF if she asked you and you said yes. It shouldn’t matter what they were doing,

If you wanted a lie in and no hassle then you should have said no. I agree that she shouldn’t have sent them 45 minutes early though and I’d have called her out on it, but it’s not for you to dictate what they do with their time as that’s irrelevant. Just say no next time.

As PP have said, it depends on the DHs hobby. For example, my DH coaches a children's sports team. It's technically a hobby but not one where he could just choose not to go one week IYSWIM?

With friend, bringing them so early is CF territory. If it was a one off, I'd assume nervous about the work thing and getting there early but if she has form then probably CF.
Tbh though, for me this would be quite a small thing and if she picked them up at a reasonable time later I probably wouldn't cause a fuss about it but would just explain you weren't expecting them until 8:30 so we're surprised they turned up so early.

Didn't she say she got up especially early to walk the dog so she'd be there when the children arrived? She'd have been walking it an hour later otherwise.

Yanbu but I would have asked the time before I agreed

I don't think this is the fault of the friend really. How well do you know her? What is her relationship like? Sounds to me as though her dh is being an unsupportive dick which she probably knows already. You've helped her out of a shit situation where she had to go to work and had no one to have her kids. I'm sure she is grateful for that.

Why don’t people read the OP? She wasn’t “getting up anyway”, she got up early to walk the dog so she could keep it apart from the children as it isn’t good with strangers.

I probably wouldn't say anything this time, but next time she asks, I'd definitely say no. If you don't need favours back really, then you have no reason to do favours for her.

Sorry but love puss taker

Do you know her DH well? If you have his number, text him that he needs to come and collect his DC ASAP.

I would text your friend and say i am disappointed that the only reason you asked me to look after your DC, is to facilitate YOUR dh’s Hobby..? He needs to come and collect them ASAP

You need to clear the air in order to not feel resentful. GoodLookings text above calls her and her husband out and plants the seed to say this won't happen again.
She can't be cross with you on this occasion for pointing out the obvious.

I bet it was the husband who dropped them off early.

She may not even know.

Yes, tell her that 7.45 was too early and not as agreed. Don't say yes next time.

However, like others, I would happily have kids those ages in the house - they barely need looking after.

You ought to text her to say that 745 was way too early?! Next time she asks just say no, sorry.

This happened to me, very very similar. Friend and her dh had to work one saturday, so I looked after their dd. Didn't mind in the slightest, except for the fact that I and my friend found out that her dh dropped their dd off with me then decided to ditch work to attend a running race! WTF!!!! He basically lied to my face when he dropped his dd off.

I was supposed to have her again the next day and said no. I felt bad for my friend, but her dh is her problem not mine.

I kiind of think yabu for not finding out the time 1st, but yeah yadnbu to be pissed off at the rest of it

You were being a bit precious about your mornings in the first part of your post, but the kids coming 45mins before stated time is unreasonable of your friend though and that would annoy me also. I would avoid and not likely offer help again.

Send @goodlookings text message. Don’t let it go.

This wouldn't bother me as a one off. If it happened regularly then yes I would think it's cheeky but I wouldn't mind foregoing my lie in and DTD to help a friend out. Her husband is a CF but maybe there's not a lot she can do about that. I have a friend who's husband will not forgo his football ever even if it means she's stuck. I don't mind helping her out but it does pee me off massively when he won't step up however there's nothing she can do to make him step up so I see it as helping her out not him.

I don't think your Friend is a CF and having agreed to be helpful I wouldn't be worried about 7.45 particularly as I was already up dog walking.
It is possible that her DH is a CF if eg he just fancies going to the gym but as PP says he may have the sort of hobby that is a commitment that can't be got out of OR he might actually not be a very thoughtful or nice DH to your friend and she might be afraid of asking him to help.
In future say yes or no to requests for help depending on whether it suits you but in general I think it is a good thing to help if you can .

I suspect the girls arrived early because they saw you walk by with the dog and were just excited to get to yours to play with your DC. If the girls are well behaved and your DD enjoys their company I really wouldn't get het up over this tbh. I would have checked the drop off and pick up times beforehand mind you. Why didn't you do that?

It reads she walked the dog early before the kids arrived so OP would normally have been in bed.

I'd have to send a message saying you're not happy otherwise she will just keep on doing it. She needs to realise her DH is out of order

I think people are missing the point over the dog walking. OP was only walking the dog early to get him out of the way of the kids. Had the kids not been coming, they would all still have been in bed, dog included!