To think Friend is a massive CF?

[SummersB]

My friend has two DDs, 8 and 10, who are friends with my youngest DD.
Friend messaged me a week or so ago to ask if I would look after her DDs yesterday as she had an important work related event to attend. No times or details were given, except the nature of the event so I knew it was important she went. After I agreed she messaged me again to say “ok great I can send them up (they live 2 minutes walk from our house) for 8:30, or (her) DH can drop them off.
Now, I’m not going to lie, I like my lie ins. I work shifts and it’s a very rare occasion that I am off all weekend. Our other two DCs are older teens so don’t need immediate attention in the mornings, so DH and I like to lounge around in bed, have a coffee, wait for the teenagers to make their way downstairs and maybe use the time to DTD... you get the picture. Friend knows this, which is why I’m sure she didn’t tell me the time when she first ask me. But I had agreed and it was important to her so I (grudgingly) replied along the lines of “haha as you know I’m not usually up at that time, so maybe best to send them up by themselves so as to spare your DH the sight of me in my PJs at that godforsaken hour! I’ll make them some breakfast if you want” (thinking I was being extra nice).
So yesterday morning comes and as we are looking after my DMs dog at the moment who is a rescue and whom I don’t trust around strangers kids I get up at bloody 7 am to walk dog for an hour with the plan to drop her round my DMs for the morning so as to keep her out of the kids way. I get back at 8 am to find friends kids already here, sitting in my living room with my youngest DD! When I asked them what time they got to mine they said 7:45! And to top it all off they also told me that the reason their own DF wasn’t looking after them was because he was attending to his hobby, not because he was working as I stupidly assumed.
So, AIBU to think my friend is a massive puss taker? I would never impose my kids on anyone at that time at the weekend unless absolutely necessary, and I certainly wouldn’t send them round 45 minutes early. WTF?
There is a backstory to this as my friend has form for taking advantage. She is really sweet and lovely and will always offer to do favours or help out, but it always feels like it is done so she „has one in the bank“ IUKWIM, and will ask for any favour back tenfold. I ended up feeling really taken advantage of, which is why over the past year I have started to disengage massively and these days rarely see her. I’m so annoyed to have fallen for her again!

That's really CF - especially as you don't have many weekends off - poor friend behaviour and shocking father for putting his hobby before his kids and wife's friends weekend off ... horrible bloke!

Well that's a good result if the scenario has annoyed you so much that you do put in place some safeguards that prevent you from being taken advantage of again OP.

You're not on your own with not liking or wanting to engage in confrontation, many of us don't. The easiest way to avoid that is to know in advantage that said person is likely to ask for x, y, z and that you don't want to do it so will have a, b, c reason prepared and ready to go.

My 'go to' is "Let me think about that and get back to you". It buys me time when I've forgotten what a, b, c, excuse was - or if I want to consider the request in more detail. Sometimes, I do just come up with "No, sorry". Nothing can bring me to use the MN-approved version.

Enjoy your CF-free weekends from now on. :)

Yep, your friend and more to the point her DH are right cheeky buggers. Enjoy your future relaxing weekends!

I think Hoofer has it way back at the top of the thread: 'it's her DH who is taking the piss here. You have a 2 parent family, 1 parent is working the other one watches the kids. You don't rope in people for a 7.45am drop-off so he can do his hobby. He probably one of those men who thinks childcare is beneath him.'

I would ask time and dates of things if there is ever a next time

I think I would email her something like "I agreed to babysit from 8:30am, not from 7:45, and especially not so early just because your dh can't be bothered to look after his own kids. Ask him first next time." It might embarrass him into actually doing it.

YANBU to be annoyed re: husband. They're his kids and they're both massively taking the piss.

YABU for not checking all details knowing she has form. You're also in the wrong for not having an actual grown up conversation regarding her ongoing CF behaviour.

I would have sent her a message saying: kindly ask DH to collect the children. I offered to help thinking you were BOTH at work. I rarely get a weekend off and this behaviour is absolutely not on. We need to discuss this at your earliest convenience as this is not the 1st time I've had similar issues with you.

She will either respect you enough to have that conversation or not. Either way you will know where you stand.

Both super cheeky fuckers but i would cash in my banked reciprocal childcare voucher before i cut the shits off.

Ah well-at least you hopefully have learnt from this-you should have said something though and if it was me you were doing the favour for, I wouldn’t have texted you to send my kid home, I’d have been there with flowers and wine to say thank you! CF indeed!

Personally I blame the husband. She needs to get to work and he's probably being a knob saying it's my weekend I need time to de stress and chill out blah blah blah (clearly this is my life) I'd be mad if I was you too, they took advantage. But it's him I'm most cross with.

8.30am is a blissfully long lie in here, shit, 7am is a long lie in & my kids are 10, 8 & 7.

Anyway, back to the point. I'll have been annoyed and surprised at the 7.45am arrival but not fussed. Likewise, with her DH doing his hobby wouldn't bother me. I've had people babysit on occasions so i can do my hobby early on a sunday when my dh is working. But my friends support and help me (tbf, i havent needed this for a good 6 years as now I'm in a position where missing a session on my hobby wont impact my progression as much)

I think the choice is this, have it out with your friend & her DH or just leave it be but dont agree again.

If a friend asked me to watch her kids as a one off for pretty much any reason I wouldn't mind. I wouldn't even mind if it was early on the weekend. But it would annoy me if she told me 8.30 but then the kids appeared at 7.45. like 8.20 fine but 7.45 is clearly not the arranged time.

When you said she does stuff to have it in the bank - do her favours equate yours. If not then yes, he'd DH is CF. Her not so much maybe but don't know back story

I can't believe she hasnt thanked you yet. not even by text for looking after her kids from 07.45 on a SUNDAY morning on one of your rare off shift weekends. She should have been round to you with flowers or wine as a thank you for helping her out of a difficult situation. Whatever the DH was doing. He is a cheeky so and so. I had similar when I was agreed to pick up neighbour's child from school and drop off home and I then found I was landed with the toddler too with no pick up time. No spare nappies either (phew) and her DH went home for a cup of tea and a nap first before picking them up very tired and cranky at nearly 8.00pm, he then sat on the floor and played with them at our house. I thought they were all going to stay the night!
I think you've formed a plan for how you will deal with this CFery next time so it doesn't matter if you don't want to confront them this time. Well done on getting through it and making a resolve.

45 mins early is wrong and I would bring that up, but the rest I couldn't get upset about. If I agree to something then I am happy to do it, the circumstances wouldn't matter, unless the favours are only going one way, in which case I wouldn't have agreed in the first place.

I have got the impression that I’ve given up my Sunday hobby to look after your children, you send them 45 minutes earlier than planned and then the children inform me there other parent isn’t looking after them as he is at his hobby. Is this correct? If so then there father needs to get his priorities right and not expect others to do his job...

I like a version of PPs
"My leisure time isn't less valuable than your husband's leisure time. Did he really just do his hobby (& not have be at emergency at work), for the Sunday you asked me to have your DC for all day? I rarely get a day off nor a lie in... and on top of everything, you sent your DC round nearly an hour early at 7:45am. I'm just astounded/
So, when is he having my DC to return the favour?"
..DH and I want to go out Sat night, so Sat afternoon to sun am would be great/...Thanks"

I'd say however that you'd be better ignoring her texts next time. You know she has form . Don't answer her calls, let them go to answer machine. Then replying a day or two late, "sorry didn't see it, hope you got it sorted/can't help" replies. That's what I do with friends who became CFs expecting me to do similar. I literally ignore everything even "help I have an emergency" (she doesnt) texts from one mumfriend. And reduce our friendship (there are better friends out there that don't out upon you so much)... if she catches me to ask another of many favours , I say "I'll let you know as have plans.." "I'm not sure as I'm not well/DC is under weather, I'll let you know" "sorry no, we have visitors"

OP I would bet if you asked her right now to return the favour this weekend she would make an excuse and say no. Try it. She is a CF.

Tbf emojis not being free this weekend does not make her a CF.

If a friend messaged me with an emergency and asked for child care I would do my best to help, but I am at work 10hrs this Saturday and already have commitments for Sunday so with only 3 days notice I might not be able to accommodate.

I didn't say she's a CF because she might not be free this weekend. She's a CF full stop, in addition to that she sounds like she's happy to use people for her benefit without being committed to return the favour in the type of way. I completely understand though not everyone is free on a weekend and/or able to drop everything at short notice to do a favour for a friend due to circumstances which is a different matter and perfectly acceptable on its own.

It does rather look as if @Seaweed2 is making things up or reading another thread. The suggestion that OP is in any way responsible for ex-friend's conduct is just bizarre.