Not invited to family party

[GameOfGroans]

I'm really hurt by this- AIBU? My DP's sister and her family live a 5 hour drive away. We don't see them often, although I know them well and we have (had?) a good relationship. I'm not married to DP, although we have been together for 10 years and have 2 children. We have stayed with her a few times and she has stayed with us. Our children are similar ages.

Tonight is her 40th birthday party. My DP has driven down there and is preparing for a good night out. I was not invited. There was no mention of me coming and he didn't challenge why I wasn't asked. It's a house party so not really restricted by numbers. I was hurt and he knows this. However, (and this is the bit that really kicks me when I'm down) today I found out that his best friend was asked instead and they have gone to the party together.

I’m gutted and now feel that I am not seen as a part of their family, yet the best friend is? My DP showed me the initial invite message which states, 'it would be really good if you and best friend could come to the party.'

AIBU to be hurt?

How did it go op?

he didnt even arrange for the kids to be watched so you could both go,,,
... was the friend invite .. male or female ?

maybe she doesn't like you, and has only been pretending so far. Its not a case of them or me, however, it seems very petty of his sister to behave this way- why don't you phone her and ask her exactly why you were not invited be careful not to come across as aggressive or needy.

This is awful OP on both counts. The sister is rude to exclude you and your DP is an arse to go without you. What was he thinking of?! For me this would be a serious issue. yanbu

Hope op hasn't come back because her fella is grovelling and taken her out. This is a really mean thing to do on your sister and fellas part x

Op hope he's grovelled and you've made up

How’d it go, OP?

Families, esp in laws- grrrr....

Is DP`s best friend male or female ?.
Unsure at the moment if I would ever bother with them again.
Probably NOT.

Easy to grovel now. He's done what he wanted to do all along. So, yes, he can grovel as much as he wants, get her to forget it, job done.
What a prince.

I think people are being bit silly over the 'best friend' thing.

DH is my best friend - no doubt about it, we're a team and we're in it together.

But I also have a female best friend since the age of 5 who's like a sister to me, and yes, I do refer to her as my best friend - even though DH is, yada, yada.

It's pretty normal for people to have same sex best friends who go back years, know each other's families, etc, etc......

@GameOfGroans How things? I hope you’re ok!

Next time he phones tell him you have changed the locks

Yanbu. I’m shocked. There is no way my husband would have attended and he’d have confronted them about it. It’s very weird!

@Ferret27 At the top of the thread (above the OP post) and at the bottom of the thread as well (right under the last post on the page) is 'Watch this thread'. If you click on that, the entire thread is automatically added to your watch/bookmark list.

I think this completely unacceptable by DP and his sister. YANBU

Perhaps its because it's more of an "adult party'" and she knew that if you'd been invited you wouldn't be able to get childcare so she just invited oh instead?

@YouBloodySod The commitment is to the child, not to the other half. If having a DC was a 'commitment' then men wouldn't abandon pregnant girlfriends and not bother with visiting/child support. It is not even remotely a commitment to each other.

A bit worried about no update OP? Hope u are ok?
I have to say though if I was having a party with all my friends I don’t think I would invite my brothers partner. I get on with her ok but would want all the friends I know well. Although I wouldn’t invite my brother either.

I would just turn up with him and his best friend, my husband wouldn't go to a family thing without me unless I stated that I didn't want to go.

If my dh was invited we would assume I was invited too. And maybe was their intention

Feel for you. We were not invited to my husbands youngest brothers wedding because "they thought we wouldn't want to be there" and it divided the family......

DP is back this eve isnt he OP? I would think yesterday you felt drained hence not being back on yet .... I was with someone for 11 years 2 kids and he did things without me like this .. took me ages to grasp he only grovelled because he had to .. really he just wanted me to shut up ... so in the end I did . I shut up for good ... that was 10 years ago .. the rat barely bothers with the now adult kids . Stopped bothering about a year after I left him . Does not surprise me now but back then it more than surprised me , the actions always ripped my heart out . Cant get up every day feeling so sad. We have to remove the sadness.
Personally I wouldn't ask for shit . I would go silent and carry on with my own plans. Silence can be deathly trust me ! :p

If he asks why you are so quiet just tell him sorry been in thinking mode.. time alone can help straighten out the head .... here was my response when I was asked why i was no longer communicating with him... i told him i loved him with all my heart and that I always thought he was my future... but his actions made me come to see that he did not have that love for me . Either that or I made him angry? Either way it wasnt working anymore. I told him I loved him too much to watch him hate me or to be unhappy of it was my presence that caused it .... so I said I'm letting you go !!
He cried and cried and cried... and for the first time I didnt cry ! I watched so confused. Will never understand why it hurt him so much after he done so much wrong. Obviously he done more than weekends away and they were often ! But in time I believed my bitterness from his actions made him detest me all the more. The path had ended long before I even realised. My feet didnt feel the stony track they thought they were still walking the smooth path x

But surely you are his best friend ...