14 year old in a size 24. AIBU to think her mum should do something ?

[Sweetpeach3]

Just read an article in the paper that a girl age 14 is in a size 24 clothes an can't get a uniform to fit her. She's medically healthy just clearly a bad relationship with food. Her mum isn't slim either from the pictures.
AIBU as a mother to think her mum should be trying to encourage her daughter to eat better and not be as big as it isn't healthy what so ever in the long term of things also the name calling etc it isn't a nice thing. Been a big girl isn't an issue I just think a size 24 is rather large for a 14 year old....
My brother is 25 stone at 30 and he's constantly in hospital with problems linked to his weight and it's awful to watch - his wife is a big feeder to him. He was a slim athletic rugby player before he met her then he just spiralled. We've tried to get him to fat club etc. He lasted a week an left as she didn't want to do it. She's also very big. It's a viscous circle because it's easy to put on and hard to shift !

I just personally think as a mum you would want better for your daughter at this age specially

She needs a gastric sleeve fitting .she has serious issues with food that she can’t tackle alone .removing her from her family will make things worse mentally for her .she needs medical intervention ASAP.

A quiet visit to a nutritionist, perhaps some counselling to uncover WHY she is over eating may have been a better course of action

No she needs a CAMHS referral that will best be done by a member of the inclusion team at school or the Gp.

Most people can't afford to just see a nutritionist very quickly.

I've seen the article ... sorry at 14 she should have the energy to move more and do more outside activities. There's no mention of her diet in the article.

Whilst I do feel sorry for the girl, that won't make her healthy ☹️

You have no idea why and how the girl has become the size she is. You also have no clue what measures have been attempted or are in place to address her weight.

Well given that she doesn't appear to have a medical condition and that her mother seems unconcerned with her 'medically healthy' comment, I would hazard a guess that she's is that size due to poor parenting and I sadly doubt the mother would co-operate even if someone tried to put measures in place to lower her weight.

What I’m saying is an overweight child should have medical input through dieticians as much as an underweight one. My DS was fine by the way just naturally slim and has filled out now and considered in a healthy range. I feel for the poor children that as so huge they are bursting out of their clothes and can’t run properly at sports day at 5 yrs old And the parents laugh !

That poor girl, in no possible way can she be medically healthy.

It is hard parenting teenagers, but for a child to become such a size is so sad. I hope she, and her family, receive some help now.

barbariansmum the school DO have a responsibility to intervene if a child's health and well being is being compromised. There is a school nursing service and a procedure for child protection referrals. This child's physical and emotional well being are compromised and they are faffing about putting her in isolation about her skirt instead of addressing it. It has gone far beyond interfering in what she is having for tea.

She won’t be medically healthy - no one is medically healthy in a size 24. It’s huge - many shops don’t even go up to size 24 - and it will definitely have an effect on her ability to move comfortably. If you’re carrying that kind of weight at 14 even just going up the stairs might leave you out of breath - it’s a massive burden on a lot of your organs. I think it’s child abuse.

It's a complex issue. I was an overweight teen. There were multiple issues, food was a comfort and coping mechanism, and at 14 I could buy food out of the house. I am not sure how not providing a uniform is going to help this situation, and putting this in the papers is a terrible idea. I often felt humiliated as kid and it just leads to more comfort eating. That doesn't mean don't tackle the issue, but as someone who went through it I think there are ways it can be done, such as getting the child therapy, exercise opportunity outside of school, intervention with parents if that is an issue etc.

But the people who kept on at me, the PE teacher who told an already depressed teen they would die young, well it didn't really encourage me or change anything. If I was going to die young anyway then I could do without the whole class laughing at me in PE. As it was I lost weight when I left school, away from bullies and I am healthy. Maybe it depends on the child but the tales of certain doom did not help.

A few years ago an FB acquaintance went on a rant as the school nurse had said her DD, age 10 was very overweight.
She was adamant that it was fine, and she was a normal growing girl, her friends posted replies agreeing, saying the nurse was an idiot, she was a stunning girl etc.
Fast forward a few years, just this week she was asking if anyone could lend her youngest a top for a dress up day in age 10-11.
The youngest is 7, and she's not tall either. The middle one is the same as her sisters.
There's none as blind as those who can't see.

Why are you all discussing a 14 year old girl in this way? Did anyone watch the Jesy Nelson documentary the other day?

We’re not talking looks, we’re talking health. Can you be a size 24 and beautiful? Of course. Can you be a size 24 at 14 and consider that healthy? No.

Also there are a few medical conditions that lead to wait gain even though they are unlikely causes

This is abuse, probably I'm going to get flamed for this, I do appreciate not everyone had parents like mine. My parents allowed no soda in the house (except Christmas etc), no random sugar, always had packed lunch, etc, so I believe they did their very best and I was so so lucky

I now have a normal relationship with food- I am a bit overweight (6 kg) because I quit smoking and I gained weight.

I feel so sad about that girl, no one should have to go through this, but so many people just have a poor start in life and it's like they're set up to fail......

She was adamant that it was fine, and she was a normal growing girl, her friends posted replies agreeing, saying the nurse was an idiot

That's the problem isn't it. Teachers and outside professionals can do their part but no amount of help would be useful to this child if her mother was the same as your friend and didn't think there was a problem that needed solving.

The mother is in complete denial, that's why she has put her in the paper. She just cant see it and is busy blaming other people for humiliating her daughter. She is the one buying the food or giving the child money. She is the one saying her daughter is medically healthy. She wont be for long. She cant live very long with diabetes, especially if she gets it as a teenager.

I would propose a child in need meeting with paediatrician, GP, dietician, CAMHS, school nurse, HOY, parents to address this and see what assessments are needed. The fact that the parent went to the papers also needs addressing. If there was no cooperation from the family I would suggest escalating it

I remember seeing a programme about overweight kids, though not as extreme as that.
One mother said she didn't know what to do, she didn't understand why her child was so overweight.
They looked in the fridge.
It was full of junk, fatty carbs, etc. No veg or salad, or even fresh fruit. The cupboards were full of biscuits, crisps, chocolate,,etc.

I dare say it's the same for a lot,of overweight kids.
I don't make a habit of looking in other people's trolleys, but when there's a fat person ahead of me in the queue, and virtually every item they put on the checkout is carb/sugar heavy, processed stuff - and not necessarily cheap stuff, either, before anyone cries 'poverty!' - you can't help putting 2 and 2 together.

And I just don't believe that people really don't know what constitutes relatively healthy food. They just prefer the other sort, and have brought up their kids to,prefer it likewise..

The headmaster is a fucking disgrace, and a bully who should be struck off.

Her weight is worrying, as is her essentially being denied access to education because of it. The latter is much easier to fix than the former.

Wooo
Perspective - she's big but not so big she's immobile. From the comments here I was expecting much worse before i read the article.

She deserves to be with her classmates and not in isolated over a petty skirt which looks perfectly appropriate for school.

Perspective - she's big but not so big she's immobile

Is that really the very low bar we should be aspiring towards?

From the comments here I was expecting much worse before i read the article

Maybe my search has shown me a different article but I'm not sure it could be much worse, the camera angle could be unflattering I guess but what is the mum thinking making this national news.

Medically healthy my ass, what does that even mean, I very much doubt a doctor said that but if they did they should be struck off everyone can see that the poor girl is anything but healthy

And I just don't believe that people really don't know what constitutes relatively healthy food. They just prefer the other sort, and have brought up their kids to,prefer it likewise..

I agree. People are in denial. Lately there’s been a rising awareness about ‘hidden sugars’ in things like yoghurt and cereals and fruit juices as though these have a massive impact on obesity - I don’t believe they do (just down to my own anecdotal evidence - Frosties for breakfast, frubes with my packed lunch and countless glasses of apple juice were the norm for me as a child and yet I was always a healthy weight and size 8/10 since my teens). In order to be obese you really need to be eating extraordinary amounts, especially an obese child who is still growing upwards, not just a bowl of coco pops for breakfast followed by a fromage frais.

The skirt is the least of her worries. Get one made in her size for now.

But she will almost certainly have food addiction / Psychological/emotional issues with food that needs tackling asap with professional help. She should be considered as needing real help just like any other child in the school needing intervention.

I feel for her, I've always had a terrible relationship with food, I remember my parents cooking from scratch and treats were just that, the occasional treat. But as soon as I got pocket money, I would spend it all on food, which looking back is pretty sad. I got bullied at school and I was around a size 16, so goodness knows I hope children aren't that cruel anymore. My mum would have welcomed help to be honest, although I didn't know at the time, I would have to. Seems pretty to put her in isolation when the uniform isn't available in a size that fits her, what is she supposed to do?!