14 year old in a size 24. AIBU to think her mum should do something ?

[Sweetpeach3]

Just read an article in the paper that a girl age 14 is in a size 24 clothes an can't get a uniform to fit her. She's medically healthy just clearly a bad relationship with food. Her mum isn't slim either from the pictures.
AIBU as a mother to think her mum should be trying to encourage her daughter to eat better and not be as big as it isn't healthy what so ever in the long term of things also the name calling etc it isn't a nice thing. Been a big girl isn't an issue I just think a size 24 is rather large for a 14 year old....
My brother is 25 stone at 30 and he's constantly in hospital with problems linked to his weight and it's awful to watch - his wife is a big feeder to him. He was a slim athletic rugby player before he met her then he just spiralled. We've tried to get him to fat club etc. He lasted a week an left as she didn't want to do it. She's also very big. It's a viscous circle because it's easy to put on and hard to shift !

I just personally think as a mum you would want better for your daughter at this age specially

I really feel for her. All the adults including the school have failed her. The mum is awful for putting this in the newspaper! This will follow her for life, I don’t think people realise how permanent the internet is.
The school are awful for isolating her, they should contact the uniform provider and request a couple of skirts for her.
The mum/parents need to take more responsibility for her size and help her to loose weight. I do think this is neglect and she doesn’t need to be slim but it’s clearly become an issue. This will probably end up on all the morning tv shows as a debate, I feel so bad for her.

Medically healthy? My son in Year 2 just had a health check when we moved Doctors. He was weighed, and urine checked etc. Everything fine, he's very active, fit and healthy. Even so were given a huge talk about healthy eating, exercise and the rise in diabetes in children. I thought this was brilliant.

Her mum is telling us her daughter has had all this done recently and was told everything was fine?

There was a case a few years ago in Dundee where 7 siblings were taken into care because they were all overweight. They never went back to the parents.

I think 'medically healthy' means no underlying cause rather than is healthy at that weight.

I read that same article. The mother said she is healthy. Just because she hasn't had a heart attack yet doesn't mean she is healthy.

Social services should intervene in this situation. Size 24 is massive. If there is a medical reason for her weight it should be looked into.

If she is ever to lose the weight she will be left with stretch marks and painful excess skin.

Having been morbidly obese before (but never ever a size 24), I know that she is in for a world of hurt in her future. It takes years to catch up with you. She didn't even try and find a skirt the same colour as the uniform. The mother is looking to blame everyone but herself.

Noone is fat shaming her. They are concerned that she is killing herself slowly and will likely be a burden on the NHS in later life. She either has underlying endocrine problems or psychological issues with food. Either way, blaming others for her weight isn't constructive. Going to a newspaper with a global presence isn't constructive.

@joblotbubble So it's 100% because her parents allowed her to eat mountains of fatty food then. Gave her money to spend on it. Didn't educate her enough about eating healthily. Didn't set a good example.

Why in the hell did her mum want that published?!

That's really sad. It's a shame no one, seemingly, stepped in earlier. I don't know much about her circumstances so I feel like I can't judge, but the girl must feel horrendous. I think a lot of posters are being harsh with the whole "eat less, move more, she's fat" attitude. If she was an adult then I'd be more inclined to agree (unless she had health conditions which lead to rapid weight gain and such). But she's a child. Most children would binge eat junk food if they had the chance every day.

It really falls onto the adults who had her under her care. Her parents, her teachers, her GP and so on. All of which should have noticed the path she was going down and helped her lose weight well before she was a size 24. At a size 14, at her age, questions really should have been asked (I say this as someone who's a 12-14 post pregnancy).

It's sad, I hope she gets the help she needs. Not only weight loss surgery and whatnot, but a lot of counselling. I see too many instances of people getting a gastric band and then piling weight on as soon as it's removed, or stretching their stomach back over time. So so sad.

My mother was fat. I was also fat. Instead of dealing with it she encouraged unhealthy eating. I suspect it made her feel better about herself.

I saw that article and was shocked. I'm a bigger girl and was at school too. I think I fit into size 12/14 around that age and I remember thinking that was huge (and tbf it was for a 14/15 year old). I wasn't the biggest girl in school but I was one of them. None of them were close to a size 24 though!! I know the girl was quite tall too but still - you really do have to question the parenting here. A size 24 at 14 is crazy.

I have a friend who’s daughter is probably a similar size. She used to blame it on all sorts of ‘made up’ problems. Obviously some children have conditions that can make them overweight but in my friends case it was just letting the daughter eat what she wants, she’s a big lady herself and so are her other children (getting bigger as they get older). Plus her new boyfriend has piled on the pounds in the months they have been together. For instance she would but her kids a large snack to eat whilst walking home to keep them happy (she didn’t drive and it included large pastries, sausage rolls, pizza etc) then they would have dinner when they got home.

I read the article you’re talking about too. I feel for the girl, ultimately it’s the mums fault and it’s got out of hand. No girl of 14 should be that large. How big will she be in a few years?

at best, its neglect, at worse its abuse (by both parents, not just mum)

It's just so sad. Practically, yes obviously eat less and move more, yes the parents should have done more to help, but there are obviously more complex issues.

I would be mortified if I didn't help to prevent this and feel extremely guilty, as I'm sure the mother does, someone should help to get them access to the correct support and advice.

This makes me feel really sad. She might be ‘medically healthy’ now, but her body will be under huge strain, and she’s storing up problems for the future.

I worked in trying to engage families in disadvantaged communities with healthier eating a while ago and there were many people who were genuinely not clued up about it. It was a real eye opener.

They had mostly heard about 5 a day but would only eat potatoes and maybe peas, and had no idea about portion sizes etc. They'd fall for marketing stuff on food packaging, and had never really seen or been taught how to cook from scratch with fresh produce - the idea left them feeling completely bewildered.

It's easy to assume people know 1) what a healthy well balanced diet looks like and 2) how to achieve it. Lots don't. They simply don't engage with the healthy eating materials available.

Look at weaning babies, it's a great example of people not engaging with recommendations on what to eat. Loads of mums are still putting mushed up sugary rusks in their 3 month olds' bottles to "fill them up", because that's what their mum and granny did. Plenty feed their babies food - often non nutritious stuff like baby rice - from 4 months old, even though the guidelines are 6. Wholesome looking baby food manufacturers even say "from 4 months old" on the packaging, and the food is often high in sugar for a baby. SO many parents go against the guidelines because the message from family and food manufacturers is different.

And I'm sure it being splashed all over the newspaper has not helped her in anyway whatsoever.

Cut down calories to 100 a day

MotherFuckingLanguages : 100 calories? Lol

100 calories a day? Really?

This is not a kid with a bit of puppy fat or a little chubby, it’s extreme. If a child was that extreme the other end of the scale SS would be involved, as they should. It’s child abuse at the end of the day. We are all built different and I’m not normally for nanny state, but a size 24 child is grotesque

Cut down calories to 100 a day

I assume this was meant to say 1000?

That poor, poor girl.

It reminded me of a sight I never forgot, about ten years ago at the seaside some friends and I were stood near one of those rides where you all sit in a row with a harness that comes down and secures you, and then the seats all kinda go round in a circle up from the floor. A group of kids, around 12-13 I think, approached to go on the ride. One of the girls managed to get in the seat but was too big for the harness to fit over her safely, she tried and tried and eventually the ride operator walked over and spoke to her and she had to get off on her own and walk past everyone to leave the ride while her friends stayed on. I absolutely burned with shame and embarrassment for her and sometimes wonder whether she ended up getting help for her weight or not. It was so cruel to witness even though nobody openly said anything, just the humiliation of having to walk off in front of everyone.

It absolutely is child abuse/neglect, without a serious underlying disorder, the fact her mum says she’s healthy shows how delusional she is. I feel for this kid so much as she’s starting out adult life physically disabled due to her size and she has an uphill battle to fight to try achieve a normal size and become healthy. Even if she loses weight she’ll be stuck with loose skin. And why should she have to start life like that? Her parents have disadvantaged her and put her in danger. The size of her mum too. Just so awful. There’s no way she got like that on her own at such a young age.

I think the school are totally and utterly heartless putting her in isolation. It's not her fault. She will remember the humiliation and how she wept for the rest of her life. She should be attending her GCSE classes. Uniforn madness is going too far. I used to be a teacher and I would have a lot ot say to the head about this shameful treatment. Life is hard enough for that girl as it is. Ibet she doesn't wnat to wear a straight skirt from Asda rather the school regulation pleated one, what can she do? Even if she started a diet programme it won't produce instant results.

Yeh typo error

At 14 it's bordering on child abuse. Fat kids usually have fat parents (I'm assuming there's no medical condition causing it). Some people, perhaps most people have lost all sense of what a healthy portion looks like with our large dinner plates and cheap food. If you see what 2000 calories looks like, it's not a lot, I'm constantly hungry on a 1800 a day plan, 200 extra is just an apple and a low fat yogurt. Health officials and social services need to step in sooner to prevent such a tragic case, she may have an underlying medical condition too. Poor kid though.

Walk down a high street or through the supermarket and you see toddlers already carrying an extra stone, waists twice the size they should be. I'm not always in favour of the nanny state but they need our help

Well, I have a different view. I have three boys - all skinny whilst growing up - two of them take after me but the eldest takes after his dad - not massively overweight but a bit. My mum has fed them rubbish since they were born whereas I certainly didn't - I gave them a fruit salad ready after school where she had crisps and sweets. Didn't matter what I said to her. My eldest could do with losing three stones - although he is extremely tall, which he is trying to do but the other two are ok at the moment. You can't always blame the parents! They are actually educating themselves re. nutrition - which I hope I have passed on.