14 year old in a size 24. AIBU to think her mum should do something ?

[Sweetpeach3]

Just read an article in the paper that a girl age 14 is in a size 24 clothes an can't get a uniform to fit her. She's medically healthy just clearly a bad relationship with food. Her mum isn't slim either from the pictures.
AIBU as a mother to think her mum should be trying to encourage her daughter to eat better and not be as big as it isn't healthy what so ever in the long term of things also the name calling etc it isn't a nice thing. Been a big girl isn't an issue I just think a size 24 is rather large for a 14 year old....
My brother is 25 stone at 30 and he's constantly in hospital with problems linked to his weight and it's awful to watch - his wife is a big feeder to him. He was a slim athletic rugby player before he met her then he just spiralled. We've tried to get him to fat club etc. He lasted a week an left as she didn't want to do it. She's also very big. It's a viscous circle because it's easy to put on and hard to shift !

I just personally think as a mum you would want better for your daughter at this age specially

It’s very sad. My DH was very overweight until he went to uni. His parents just cooked unhealthily and lots of treats and fizzy drinks. At uni he was in catered halls so ate normal portions which were served up to him and also took up sports and the weight came off him really quickly. Eat less move more definitely does work.

Whilst I agree it is unhealthy and that it is very sad I don’t think the school should be able to stop her attending classes because she is the wrong size for the uniform.

I was a fat kid (not that big, but even so) and now, I am so very angry with my parents for letting me get to that weight.

I was never taught about healthy eating (and it was never addressed in school back when I went either) and was told to eat what was on my plate, which was always a lot. If I didn't eat my dinner, I was punished.

So of course, over the years I just got bigger and bigger, and didn't know why.

Then I went to university and actually LOST weight, because I no longer had the pressure of eating food I just didn't want. Then after graduation I put in a lot of effort and lost 12st, and stayed a healthy weight.

It is DEFINITELY something that the parents need to address.

Fat club, OP? Almost like MN bingo here, trying to hit all the buttons.

@LongWalkShortPlank an no I agree he hasn't helped himself we've told him this but she does encourage the junk food when he will get up and try. For example He's been In hospital again this week. We made him healthy food an took it up to him (my DH is good with all good foods and things he's a personal fitness instructor and does all diet plans so we knew it was all good for him) an she took a bag for life full of crisp, biscuits, chocolate etc... then a KFC as she was "passing an thought he may be hungry"

It is child abuse.

My daughter has a friend whose younger sister was at least that size. It was shocking to see her go from a lovely healthy 5 year old to an obese 14 year old (I didn't see her for 4 years and did not recognise her even in context- she was 14 and looked late 20s)

Her mum had SEMH and someone in the school or medical system should have stepped in. They would have if she had been deprived of food. The family needed help and got none.

I agree with eat less and move more brigade but for a 14 year old to do this of her own volition would be almost impossible. It would effectively mean pushing her mother away and taking complete control of herself. It is down to her parents who are probably manipulative and controlling and make her feel like she couldn't do it without them. To make it double hard for her, she probably has no concept of what a healthy diet looks like which means even when she does get control if her own life she'll be screwed. I feel for her.

@feelingverylazytoday

I've just read the title of the link and I don't know if I can open it. That should have been reported waaaaay before it got that far and her daughter placed in someone elses care, away from her abuser.

OP I think SS should step in. The situation (her diet, her health) needs monitoring for the childs sake.

Poor kid - it can’t be healthy. It only gets harder to drop weight as you get older. Why slap the poor kid over the press?

@ChicCroissant they used to say they was going "fat club" when they dropped their dD off for me to baby sit. Don't know the name of it. Was an exercise and diet class

is a feeder

What? I keep hearing this.

I am a feeder. I have dc to feed, to keep alive and healthy, we all spend a lot of time planing meals, prepping, and eating of course.

We all enjoy doing food. I know lots who devote a lot of time to food/feeding, we're not all fat!

Its a hobby, some may say an obsession, but its healthy and there are far worse 'hobbies'

I just think her mum needs to address her DD size and help her better herself for the future
That's all

The mother probably described her as well built, stocky, muscly, big boned. All these phrases used on here. No she’s FAT and has probably always been FAT and someone should have intervened before now.

How can she possibly be medically healthy at that size, at that age!?

The poor kid will be discussed on This Morning, Loose Women, Jeremy Vine and Victoria Derbyshire next week.

The bloody school are being utter arseholes.

I don't blame the mother from taking this to the papers, the daughter obviously agreed.

I'd be complaining to the LEA unless it's a bloody academy.

What we have here is a year 10 girl doing her GCSES and instead of trying to help find a solution to a very obvious problem, the school decided isolation is the answer. My DS have abandoned all isolations and detentions because they just don't work.

How about the schools inclusion officer if they have one, pulls their finger out and starts working with the family to find a strategy to help the poor girl.

And if I hear one more person spout the "eat less and move more" shit about a vulnerable CHILD I shall scream!

I just think her mum needs to address her DD size

I think its pretty clear that this is not going to happen. Over the last 14 years this child's mother has continuously over fed her daughter and allowed her to get to a stage where she is size 24. The mother wont suddenly wake up one day and start to make changes as she thinks she is doing nothing wrong. Removing this child away from her mother influence is the only way she be able to lose weight.

I think the 'feeder' label is more about people who get pleasure out of feeding others unhealthy food and so it as 'love'

there is a bit of it in my DH's family but in their case they are thin (anorexic) and enjoy feeding others cakes etc. Sort of getting pleasure from seeing others eat when they don't.

I agree with @Shockers as well; this family needs intervention. That size at that age is outrageous. Having just read the article, the Head is being ridiculous, not letting her in class because her skirt is a bit too short.

It’s odd though, I see more fat children with slim parents round this way.

A bit off topic, but the skirt she is wearing looks ok to me. The headteacher is being bloody pathetic IMO.

I think many of these cases should be considered abuse, deliberate sabotage of another persons life & health

Why are you all discussing a 14 year old girl in this way? Did anyone watch the Jesy Nelson documentary the other day?

An adult becoming obese/plus sized/whatever you want to call it is not my problem - it's their decision. Until they can't get out of bed but somebody is still bringing them 15,000kcal of food a day, at which point I think they should be left with only enough to survive until they've lost enough to get up again and resume making their own choices. They're adults.

But a child - other than a genuine medical condition, I think there is absolutely no excuse for it and it is abuse.

Whether it's because they want to be the person who makes the kid happy or they only feel loved when the kid eats everything, whether it's because they want the kid to be so fat they're less likely to be confident enough to go out, meet somebody, fall in love and leave home, whether it's because they are incapable of seeing the 'big bones' or 'muscle' is actually three stone of fat, they are abusing and neglecting a child who has no choice about what food they are given.

YANBU. It’s disgraceful

There's a limit to what a parent can do at 14, it needs to start much earlier. I was a fat/greedy child not this fat by any stretch of the imagination. I used to sneak food out of the kitchen/ steal coins from around the house/scam the bus fare etc to get money for food... my parents tried to stop me and force me on diets but it just made me worse if anything.