14 year old in a size 24. AIBU to think her mum should do something ?

[Sweetpeach3]

Just read an article in the paper that a girl age 14 is in a size 24 clothes an can't get a uniform to fit her. She's medically healthy just clearly a bad relationship with food. Her mum isn't slim either from the pictures.
AIBU as a mother to think her mum should be trying to encourage her daughter to eat better and not be as big as it isn't healthy what so ever in the long term of things also the name calling etc it isn't a nice thing. Been a big girl isn't an issue I just think a size 24 is rather large for a 14 year old....
My brother is 25 stone at 30 and he's constantly in hospital with problems linked to his weight and it's awful to watch - his wife is a big feeder to him. He was a slim athletic rugby player before he met her then he just spiralled. We've tried to get him to fat club etc. He lasted a week an left as she didn't want to do it. She's also very big. It's a viscous circle because it's easy to put on and hard to shift !

I just personally think as a mum you would want better for your daughter at this age specially

Apologies I missed that post

@ Sweetpeach3
I understand the general unhealthy relationship with food concerns, but ffs if you think that saying things like 'We've tried to get him to fat club etc' is even remotely helpful and not patronising then you're deluded.

Your brother is an adult and can make his own choices, as can his wife, and those choices are non of your business. The 14yr old in question has obviously an unhealthy relationship with food, but so do all the anorexia nervosa and bulemia sufferers, but I don't see you patronising them.

Keep your unsolicited opinions about your brother and his family to yourself, as I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate them telling YOU what they think of how you live your life !

I hope neither you or your children develop an eating disorder at some point in your lives, as it seems you are ill equipped and ill informed about the whole subject.

The whole school uniform policy needs to be looked at. Schools should not be allowed to exclude pupils for not having proper uniform, or to have expensive and impractical uniforms. If they feel the need to have all their students dress the same then either allow supermarket uniforms/office trousers (which should go up to size 24 and allow for 'womanly' body shapes) or sell trackie bottoms, polo shirts at cost price.
At the same time, all children should have a mandatory health check every year, including home educated and children from minority groups. Parents who consistently ignore medical advice re their children should be subject to legal sanctions.
And to all the people on this thread moaning about the 'eat less, move more brigrade', that is essentially what weight loss and control comes down to, whether you like it or not. Fat is not created out of thin air, it requires energy in form the of food to be ingested. Of course some people benefit from counselling and may have underlying mental health issues, they still need to find a way to EAT LESS to create a CALORIE DEFICIT.

The school are happy for her to have a suitable alternative. But it must be knee length and the right material.

Not a Lycra jersey grey and white thread mid thigh skirt that doesn't even attempt to meet the school
policy.

But yes, I agree that school skirts shouldn't be so regulated. I've always argued that (despite differing lengths offered) there needs to be ranges to meet all size and shapes. I also don't think girls should be made to wear collar shirts and ties. But that's a whole other thread!

@Torvi THANK YOU!!

You can't switch on the TV without seeing a grinning doting dad in full swing at you selling soap liquid to floor cleaners... so why are we still blaming everything wrong with kids on Mum?

Maybe Mum has struggled with her weight her whole life,..Or Mum feeds her ice cream at breakky... regardless where's dad to step in and help???

If its Dad's equal rights time .. it means its Dad's equal blame too !!!!

Why is everyone assuming the school is not offering any support? They are not allowed to say, and they can't force the mother to engage either. If she's refusing to engage and or take action/advice then the only tool at their disposal was exclusion based on uniform,hoping mum might get her ass into gear and actually help her kid.

The only thing she did was to go to the papers. She only mentions her daughter being medically healthy,as if that makes it ok for a 14 yo to be that size. No mention of lifestyle changes,or asking for support. She probably wants the rules changed because buying Aldi skirts no matter how unsuitable, is easier than actually fixing the problem.

Regardless of how healthy she is (she bloody isn't,or at least won't be in a few years) that much weight puts a lot of strain on knees,back,feet etc.

Altering the school rules so she can wear whatever fits (fuck how I hated that as a child/teen) won't help this girl.

iwunder

Yes we also have numerous threads started by women who are repeatedly told they are ungrateful or that it wont make a difference over all etc when despite their best efforts to feed their child healthily , every time they are sent to or picked up ny their dad or grandparents that they are fed loads of crap and given money for junk/ sweets. And being fed take always and utter crap isnt deemed a suitable reason to stop visitation.

Mothers seemed damned if they do and dammed if the dont...

I read the article and felt sorry for the girl. Her weight isn't healthy and she could benefit from support to eat a healthy diet/partake in exercise to reduce her weight. However, she needs support - probably from a HCP which her mum could probably help her to access. We don't know them or their circumstances though so we shouldn't judge.

As for the school uniform, as a secondary teacher, I actually think the school are being unreasonable. The girl cannot get the pleated skirt in her size so what's she supposed to do? If she had turned up in something wildley different to the uniform I could perhaps see their point but from the photos, the skirt is grey (school colour), almost knee length and modest. Plus the girl was wearing rights. I don't think them punishing her is the answer here.

I think for these extreme cases, whether it's drinking, food, drugs. That you need to take the person from their present environment. So there would be hostels out in the countryside with lots of sports available, healthy food, education, other's in the same boat and you stay for a year or two until you are fixed enough to risk going back to where you were.

I don't mean a prison, just somewhere away from the usual issues. Visits home when you want.

Rich people shut themselves in the priory, for the same reason I should think.

I would find it much easier to cut down what I eat if I didn't have to cook meals every day, and have the wine bottle in the fridge!

@Passthecherrycoke according to the BBC article, he was on supplements after visiting the GP due to tiredness. He did not stick to the treatment.

@ feelingverylazytoday

I have done as you suggested and reported your 'input' as offensive. Telling another poster to 'STFU' for having an opinion which is not shared by you is clearly not acceptable behaviour.

@ sweetpeach3 did nothing which was offensive, and I too found the OP's post interesting. I simply have a differing view of the subject and found the language used insensitive, as well as the post not considering the other types of eating disorders. ' Fat shaming' is simply not acceptable in my opinion, nor in a lot of other peoples either.

This is really important discussion. Health of the children and setting them up for a future. Either OK or riddled with hospital appointments which could have been avoided by taking action early.. But what can be done when then you have an adult who is concerned and is told to mind their own business and not to say anything...
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3692924-Friends-kids-eat-crap-Can-I-help

I bet there were overweight letters in the past at which the parents/mother were fuming at. And well meaning comments of BMI is rubbish,you know best etc.

We see this often on here.(alongside the other type of I couldn't ever eat a whole bag of pom bears,that's just greedy)