Aibu to ask why it’s ok to make these comments?

[YDraig]

I’ve had a few, particularly since having DD. I’ve always been fairly slim (but not skinny) I am also just under 5’2. So if I was a size 16+ I’d probably be rather unhealthy.

For further reference I am a size 10, was a size 8 prior to having my dd.
Comments such as
“God, how are you SO SKINNY?”
“You should eat more!” Are commonplace. I’ve also had the rather unhurtful and untrue “ah well some men like more meat only dogs go for bones.” Aimed at me, I say untrue because rightly or wrongly my bones do not stick out

“Do you want some of my food?” - complete with a head tilt and raised brow.
And referring to me “She is such a skinny thing, I wonder how she managed to give birth without snapping”
I’ve just finished a night shift with three others who spent part of the shift making comments about my size, may be relevant but they’re all plus sized. I’ve never made a comment as I’d consider it rude and unkind.
Aibu to think it’s not ok to comment on someone’s body size either way and if it is ok, why?

Yanbu that's awful!

"Aibu to ask why it’s ok to make these comments?"
It's not

I had a work colleague who used to do this. Say how "disgusting" it was that I was thin (I really wasn't). COnstant constant commenting. About everything I chose to eat, HOW ON EARTH was I eating a WHOLE tin of soup?!! It never stopped, I hated it. Ask them to stop, if they don't, go to HR.

Not sure it would upset me too much. I'd just smile and take it

Agreed stealth.
Beanbag; I’m glad you think so but they seem so commonplace and even when made in a group it’s either agreed with or goes unchallenged so clearly a large amount of people do think it’s ok. Whenever someone makes a comment about someone being larger they’re socially crucified (correctly!) I’m just interested in the differing attitudes towards the two.

I was just going to comment, I can’t believe it’s 50:50 and then realised only one other person voted. YANBU. It’s always wrong to comment on someone’s appearance.

I had this.
I was cold and work one day and asked to turn AC down.
I was told to put weight in then I wouldn’t fee the cold.
I snapped back that perhaps if the 2 of them lost weight they wouldn’t need the AC.
They went to our manager who asked to have a word but when I presented my diary full of comments from them, the emails I had sent her and her inaction, nothing was done.
I ended up going to HR but it was an awful atmosphere till eventually one of them left followed by me then the other.

Negatively

Typos are horrendous, I’m sorry!

YANBU OP
I've had so many comments about losing weight but I've just gone back to my natural size, BMI is about 21.5 so not thin, just normal.

Sorry that changed quickly from the 50:50. Can I ask those that voted YABU, why is it ok to comment negatively when someone is skinny but not when someone is larger. How is that reasonable to you, genuine question.

Marnie - so you cant even say someone looks nice or well?!

They're using you to make themselves feel better. It's not ok.

If it's happening at work keep a diary so you can raise it without being dismissed. And look at the bullying policy, because I'd expect their behaviour to be breaching it.

Vulpine, I added the word negatively in my post afterwards, I had missed it out

Its viewed as ok because society values thinness highly. All these comments are backhanded compliments.

Listen OP, I think you know why it doesn’t work both ways.
As a size 10 person you represent the societal ideal.
I’m size 10 as well. If anyone makes comments like that to me I am able to shrug them off because I don’t suffer any of the downsides of being overweight.
Don’t worry about it.

I'm just like you, just under 5'2'' and 8 1/2 stone and I get similar comments all the time. I am not skinny either, about half way the BMI scale, but I have a small appearance and that triggers the same comments than you get.

They don't bother me though, I know it's just a matter of comparison and indeed, compared to the average, I am small and slim. I do get compliments about my dress sense, so I know it is not criticism.

The comments that do annoy me are when I'm told that I'm lucky to be slim because it's not down to luck, I work really hard to be so and make it a priority in my life.

Yes this is unreasonable of them. I get it too. I am a size 8/10. This time last year I was a 10/12. I think because as a population we are bigger than we were 20 years ago, people now think slim is the abnormal rather than realising that they themselves are overweight. Or perhaps picking on your size makes them feel better about theirs?

I was really skinny in my teens and early 20s before DD1. I used to get these comments and even random strangers in restaurants would say it was disgusting how thin I was and then proceed to watch me eat in amazement. What got to me most though was the people who would call me anorexic, these people would then get a severe lecture about how anorexia is a mental illness and not just someone being skinny. That would shut them up. I was a size 8. But yes you are right, body shaming is anyway, shape or form is wrong.

Personal remarks are NEVER okay, I am very tall and I have never understood why people think they can remark on it.
I go from “Yes, I am aren’t I”
on a good day, through
“Were you never told that personal remarks are extremely rude!”
to
“Yes, and you are extremely rude, but you are able to do something about that aren’t you?”
on a day when I can’t be arsed!

I don’t care now to be fair, love being tall , but it used to kill me as a teenager.

*Frangible

Its viewed as ok because society values thinness highly. All these comments are backhanded compliments.*

This, but I voted YANBU because I think people should refrain from commenting on other people’s bodies - it’s just rude.

If someone wouldn’t tell a big person to eat less, exercise more etc then they shouldn’t be making these comments to someone who is at an ideal healthy size for their height.

I had an ED for years and do still have the occasional lapse, I’m very well built but have very little body fat. People who make comments about eating more etc to get more fat on me have no idea how damaging that can be.

Frangible

Its viewed as ok because society values thinness highly. All these comments are backhanded compliments.

Sorry bold didn’t work.

It’s not ok, and tbh most men I know prefer slim women. (And I say that as a size 18!)

And I meant to add, these types of comments are often fuelled by jealousy