Aibu to ask why it’s ok to make these comments?

[YDraig]

I’ve had a few, particularly since having DD. I’ve always been fairly slim (but not skinny) I am also just under 5’2. So if I was a size 16+ I’d probably be rather unhealthy.

For further reference I am a size 10, was a size 8 prior to having my dd.
Comments such as
“God, how are you SO SKINNY?”
“You should eat more!” Are commonplace. I’ve also had the rather unhurtful and untrue “ah well some men like more meat only dogs go for bones.” Aimed at me, I say untrue because rightly or wrongly my bones do not stick out

“Do you want some of my food?” - complete with a head tilt and raised brow.
And referring to me “She is such a skinny thing, I wonder how she managed to give birth without snapping”
I’ve just finished a night shift with three others who spent part of the shift making comments about my size, may be relevant but they’re all plus sized. I’ve never made a comment as I’d consider it rude and unkind.
Aibu to think it’s not ok to comment on someone’s body size either way and if it is ok, why?

Elision but she has recounted her own experience re body odour? Surely she's entitled to that opinion?

Can I ask those that voted YABU, why is it ok to comment negatively when someone is skinny but not when someone is larger.

5'2 and a size 10 is not particularly skinny. I don't think the question was asked correctly and it has become a debate about fat versus thin.I have been overweight and thin and I am average now like you and when someone tells you to stop eating or to get healthy or snorts, it hurts a hell of a lot more than when someone asks you do you want some food.

@YDraig They are bullies, and yes it is rude to comment on anyone’s body. But if you know it is rude and hurtful why are you commenting on size 16s being unhealthy?
Is it because ‘fat’ people have bullied and hurt you, so you feel justified in having a little dig back? That way the skinny/fat bashing will carry on forever.

YANBU
I am a size 12
However to keep it at that level after children has been bloody hard. Really bloody hard. At my age, slide for a month and bang, a dress size up.
So anyone that comments on my figure negatively, gets it
No scales, no diets, just portion control and healthy eating.

I’m mixed race. If I were to say hateful and bigoted things about black or Korean Or mixed black/Korean people, would that be ok if I excused it as ‘my own experience?’ I would hope not. But it’s ok when it’s fat people, in spite of the masses of peer reviewed science about weight gain and weight loss that directly contradicts the prevailing narrative here that fat people are lazy and stupid. Fat people are punching bags and are relentlessly trolled on Mumsnet. God forbid someone points it out.

But if you know it is rude and hurtful why are you commenting on size 16s being unhealthy

OP said SHE would be unhealthy at size 16. For many people that would be completely true. Perhaps OP is one of those?

It has nothing to do with how healthy or not any other size 16 would be .

I have always been slim, I’m currently a size 10 at almost 5ft 5 as I got a bit bigger post menopause. I was always a size 6 to 8 before.

I have had comments like this all my life but one of the worst for making e feel uncomfortable was in a staff meeting in front of everyone when another woman said omg Adverse your so skinny you need to put on some weight. I wonder how she would have felt if I had said omg X your so fat you need to lose some weight.

Drives me mad too. I’m 5 10 and a size 10/12. I do need to lose a couple of lbs at the moment as my jeans are now a bit tight.

I darent mention it though as I will get the chorus of “oh you don’t need to lose weight. You’re so thin”.

Yes I do.

This is not on op.

My best friend of over 30 years is a size 8/10, I’m a size 18/20. We also live 2 doors apart and our dd’s attend the same school so we do the school run together.

I know we must look like little and large bur we give zero fucks. She has received many comments over the years and said its extremely hurtful and she wishes she could put weight on. She eats way more than me, never stops eating in fact but stays the same.

Take no bloody notice, they’re probably jealous. You know you’re healthy and that’s all that matters

I think we all judge others all the time especially on body issues, mostly we think it and don’t verbalise it.

@Elision i could “handle” my own personal hygine but it meant showering at least twice a day sometimes 3 times!!!

@Elision check out my history. Ive years on MN and numerous posts not a troll!

@Frangible

Thinness definitely isn't valued in society, being curvy with an hourglass or pear figure is. I am very tall and thin and have gotten similar comments to OP. These aren't even backhanded compliments they're just insults. Being called flat, lanky, skeletal, told to eat some food, anorexic etc is in no way flattering.

Elision you're baffling me, the poster spoke at length about HER experience of being larger and now lighter, how on earth is that 'fat bashing' ? Then you accuse her of trolling??

@somersetlady I come from a family of very fat women who all smell lovely and who don’t shower multiple times per day. Your issue is/was yours, not a generalised fat problem. It’s hateful to raise it as such and feeds into the prevailing hatred of and discrimination against fat women.

These threads always go

I only need one shower a day and I no longer sweat between my thighs or under my boobs which i detested!

Somersetlady wrote this above, she is talking about her OWN experience, why are you taking it so personally Elision? Then calling her a troll?

YANBU. My 14 year old DD is currently getting called gems like, "anorexic bitch" and "skinny cnut" at school. She's a lovely healthy shape - just v. tall like her dad. I've explained to her how any body shaming is wrong and talked about the societal reasons why people think it's ok to make these comments to thin people. But I think I'm probably guilty myself of not taking it seriously enough. If she was overweight and getting comments on the scale she's getting them (several times daily) I'd be down the school re. bullying I think. It's all so screwed up. Just don't comment on anyone's weight or shape - it should be simple.

Juells - people have commented on my kids slimness, not sure any offence is taken. Maybe we're just a thin family with thick skin.

@Elision give over will you. I spoke about my personal experience of being fat. So not every fat women sweats. I did and it was a side effect of being fat i detested.

@milliefiori

What sort of men she attracts?

What do you mean by this?

I was that jammy cow who walked out of the labour ward slimmer than I was pre pregnancy

The comments where awful-and very rude

‘You need to put some pork on love’
‘Jammy bitch’
‘You look like a skeleton’

With the last one the weight just didn’t budge

(I’m normally a 14/16-after having the first babies I walked out a 10/12-after the last one I was a 18/20-then I put more weight when I breastfed and ended up a 24)

‘By hell you’ve porked out’
‘Pregnant again are we?’
‘Fuck sake you need to lose some weight’ (like it didn’t know!)

No fucker has the right to comment on another persons weight
It’s my body nobody else’s
(I feel that strongly about this I had to be poked to give my mil (I adore her) a congratulations on losing 3 stone as I am so pleased she’s lost the weight she’s struggled with but her weight/body is not my business)

Those are horrible rude comments OP, sorry you're receiving them. I totally empathise, I've had these comments all my life. "Eat a steak", "eat a burger", "you're too thin", "are you anorexic/bulemic", "men don't like skinny women", "men like curves" etc etc. From friends, strangers, colleagues, family, etc, both men and women. Now that I've had a baby I'm like you, size 10, with a very squishy tummy lol, but I still get them. I think it's so rude. I know that some are meant in a complimentary way, or backhanded compliment, but some definitely aren't and are just mean and unnecessary.

Elisions nasty post has now been deleted by mn.

You sound in proportion not underweight at size 10 (or eight) with your height. Unless you have a wider bone structure and not much fat so look really bony and gaunt. I wonder if it is envy because you look good and they struggle with their weight so associate looking slim and fit with not eating very much. For context I am size 10 at 5ft 7 but have been bigger. I eat well (but smaller portions and proportionately mor veg than before) and I run everyday so am fit enough, not exhausted! I think I am quite slim but still have some fat to lose and some muscle to gain so not perfect but improving.