Aibu to ask why it’s ok to make these comments?

[YDraig]

I’ve had a few, particularly since having DD. I’ve always been fairly slim (but not skinny) I am also just under 5’2. So if I was a size 16+ I’d probably be rather unhealthy.

For further reference I am a size 10, was a size 8 prior to having my dd.
Comments such as
“God, how are you SO SKINNY?”
“You should eat more!” Are commonplace. I’ve also had the rather unhurtful and untrue “ah well some men like more meat only dogs go for bones.” Aimed at me, I say untrue because rightly or wrongly my bones do not stick out

“Do you want some of my food?” - complete with a head tilt and raised brow.
And referring to me “She is such a skinny thing, I wonder how she managed to give birth without snapping”
I’ve just finished a night shift with three others who spent part of the shift making comments about my size, may be relevant but they’re all plus sized. I’ve never made a comment as I’d consider it rude and unkind.
Aibu to think it’s not ok to comment on someone’s body size either way and if it is ok, why?

No, it's not okay to say these things. It's downright rude and hurtful. I'm fat and had horrible comments all my life, although some would say I deserve them I make a conscious effort to try and not comment on the bodies of others.

Unfortunately there seems to be an obsession in society generally, particularly among women, with the size of others bodies and what they eat. Media, celeb culture etc doesn't help.

I hate it.

"Why don't you EAAAT?"
"You're so lucky!!!"
"You're such a skinny bitch."

Just mind your own business ffs.

I was treated like this at high school and it was awful. People still bang on about my weight now after having 2 kids.
Some of us can eat shit and just be blessed with a high metabolism. The pointed remarks and the word "skinny" are what I find offensive to be honest. The word "skinny" is like calling someone "fat" it's not nice to hear and I wouldn't take it as a compliment or feel they were being genuine. Slim is a much nicer word. I'm 5ft 6 and now 9.5st but I used to be around 8st when I was in my teens if not a bit less. I had shit to deal with in my life and was pretty much a bag of nerves. I ate like a horse but the food was burnt off quickly due to my high adrenaline levels. So people picking on me about my weight just added to my miserable teenage existence.
I remember eating my lunch at school once and someone coming over to ask me if I was going to throw it all back up.
Sorry you had to deal with that OP I'm sure If you mentioned their weight they would see it as you being very rude.
If anyone on here is reading this thread and thinks it's Ok to make comments to a slim person about their weight then please understand that it is very rude and we don't find it a compliment. It's a bit like us telling you to lay off the cakes.

Its viewed as ok because society values thinness highly. All these comments are backhanded compliments.

This in a nutshell. It isn't OK but people feel justified in saying things about weight to a slim person but they'd never comment on someone who was overweight.

I was in a department store cafe with a friend who is slim and we were having lunch, my friend chose a plate of chips. The woman on the till said 'I'd love to be able to eat chips and be your size', my friend shot back 'I am this size because I don't regularly eat chips'. Woman on the till had a face like a slapped arse after my friend replied.

Completely agree i hate it! To me it is just as rude/hurtful as saying someone is fat/overweight.

They are implying you are unhealthy basically which isn't the case

I had quite vicious things said to or about me when I was thin. I just couldn't put weight on when younger, and got even thinner after having children. The menopause cured that! At the time I found it very hurtful, but looking back I realise it was jealousy because the others were dieting and not losing weight, and I was stuffing my face and not managing to put it on. In hindsight they probably thought I was bulimic.

I voted yanbu as well @SoftBlocks, for the same reason — personal comments are rude — but i agree it’s disingenuous to deny that as everyone knows our society prizes thinness, the people making the remarks are essentially continually commenting on your beauty or possession of any other socially-prized characteristic.

These people sound like utter knobs. It's rude to comment on a person's body shape or eating habits full stop.

I'd be getting out of that job and away from the "friends" and family who are making the comments tbh. It's not normal to make those comments as an adult!

You are a normal size, most people are overweight now, but we are supposed to pretend they are the normal ones.

That’s awful, people would say this to me I am size 6, it’s really upsetting, I used to eat so much and would never put weight on. I used to wear layers of clothes in summer just so that I would look bigger because I didn’t want people to comment. I used to get so sad and wish I could magically put weight on. I just had a really fast metabolism.

I just used to make it into a joke that I can eat anything I like and never put weight on but it used to bother me a lot. It’s sad people have to make themselves feel better by putting others down.

It's not OK. And they are profoundly jealous, whatever they say. When I was slim I had a 'friend' colleague who spread a rumour that I was going for hospital check ups for anorexia (I was actually going for IVF consultations and was bang in the middle of BMI weight for height ratio but muscly so looked slimmer.)

Now I am fat, I do sometimes stare at very thin women and wonder how, but I'd never say anything. I was astonished by a woman yesterday whose hips were the size of one of my thighs - she must have had 26 inch hips - narrowest I've ever seen on an adult. I couldn't help wondering what life must be like to be that thin; what sort of men she attracts. But would never ask.

Always the snide remarks about "Well, some men like something to hold on to" "No man wants a bag of bones" "I bet you eat half a sandwich for your lunch" "You're like a hairpin" "scrawny". Absolutely no filter, no hesitation in being insulting. If I'd dared to say "well you look like a sack of potatoes" which is what I wanted to say, there would have been wailing and sobbing and accusations of fat-shaming.

what sort of men she attracts.

Hmmnnnn there you go.

YANBU I had one that reallly sicks in my mind. I was out running a few months back and as I ran past a woman with a fuller figure she stated out loud as I passed her 'God look how skinny!'.
I almost replied 'Give me some of your fat, you seem to have some spare'.
Difference was though I dont make a habit of commenting on peoples size because its rude, very rude.
It does seem to be more acceptable to skinny bash mind, fat bashing is really frowned upon for good reason, I just wish it could be for weight bashing full stop.

Ex's new wife ran an absolute campaign against my beautiful daughters when they were 18 and 16 - self-conscious teenagers. Because her daughter was obese (not an exaggeration, she is morbidly obese) my two were constantly told they were anoerexic, given booklets about how to recognise eating disorders blah blah blah.

Yanbu about the comments

Just to comfort you that all overweight people would not treat you like that. I certainly would not comment around your weight or shape as I understand how hurtful it is.

I bloody hate this. I don't know why some people think it's ok.

I've been pretty skinny and underweight my whole life. There's nothing I can do about it because any weight I make a massive effort to gain falls right off again.

It never bothered me when I was younger but as a 30yo wife and mum I feel VERY insecure about my body.

I've had more comments than I care to remember and they really hurt. People make assumptions when you're skinny and can be very unkind and thoughtless.

Can't wait for this to turn into a fat bashing thread!

Had years of this and took me a long time to realise its their jealousy. Having never needed to think about my weight, I never twigged how much other women worry about theirs, and others’.

YANBU! It’s wrong and I hate the fact I’ve not said anything back to the many people who make those comments to me. Recently two very overweight people were saying how thin I looked (made it clear it was in a negative way!). However I have a healthy BMI, I’m certain they don’t, and would never dream of commenting on someone’s weight large or small! It would be incredibly nasty and hurtful for me to have commented on their size in a negative way - yet it never occurred to them (or others) that it’s not a nice thing to say.

I used to get this all the time, including being told that I'm flat chested not anymore though I've spread out a bit recently. I'm actually really pleased because the comments have stopped. I always had a BMI of around 21, so I was never under weight.

I must add though that whilst I am the same size as I was before my kids, it is not easy to maintain it I really have had to adjust my diet as my metabolism has slowed dramatically with age, my knees are knackered so cant run like a used to and due to kids and job cant exercise as much. I can see how easy it is for weight to creep up and before you know it your bigger than you were and cant see why. I find it such a subtle change that even I did start gaining weight for this reason and it took a while for be to accept that as you get old your body does slow and if you want to maintain your size it its harder, you cant just carry on as you were in your 20's/30's and keep the same shape. Its crap but hey ho.
Im 44 5ft3 and 7st7, pre baby weight from 20's, have been 9st since kids and getting older and eating like I was in my 20's it took 3-4 yrs for it to creep up.

I've been slim most of my life. I cant see how people can get so worked up about it being commented on. If you've 'been blessed with a fast metabolism' (if such a thing exists) just be happy about it.

I know how you feel Op, I had it for years from my jealous shitster & SOL. The constant comments of Oh you poor thing you’re so thinnnnn .... I came so close to telling them no they were sooo fatttt. Instead I used to say that I was the right weight for my height, & you’ll never see a fat thoroughbred. It shut them up. They’re just jealous bitches, don’t let them treat you this way.